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Life is not what it seems
3/2/2012 9:03:14 PM

I was in Hydes, Maryland, that June 2009. There were people drinking & tasting wine at Boordy Winery, in their summer's best. I was sitting under an oak tree, that afternoon, alone. Do you know what it is to feel like being alone? It is worst than being drunk; at least, being drunk, is a relief from loneliness. I seem to enjoy my wine more than anything that day. A broken heart can do that to you, believe me.

I opened a bottle, a reisling, a crispy sweet summer wine, w/ brie cheese, hoping to drown my sorrow. Once in a while, a couple would come by to say hello.

2009 was the worst year ever recorded in my life's calendar. It looked like a tsunami just swept my life away. A friend who's very dear to my heart was diagnosed w/ cancer, and my singing career has not improved even when I bought the best karaoke machine my money could buy; while all my friends were enjoying their lives, singing at karaoke bar, every Friday night, w/ their loved ones, laughing, giggling, drinking all night long. Worst still, I was with them, in my little corner, quietly sipping my wine, constantly evaluating my life. My life just sucked.

For many years, she told me I was the one. I figured out later she was just practicing to be in a relationship, in other words, she was like “testing the waters,” checking out if it works or not.

So, on that depressive June 2009, I took on the offer of a friend and went to a nude beach resort in the virginia mountains, about 2 hours drive from my place. When I came back I was literally a new man, believing that, all my problems were washed away in that beautiful nude beach I fell in love with for a week. I was hoping to start a new life.

That's when a good-church-going-friend invited me to “come to Jesus meeting.” We went out for a stroll in Solomon's Island, in Eastern Shore, where the sun was still shining and life was like eating soft crabs on a saturday afternoon.

As we walked along the boardwalk, munching fried oysters & soft crabs, I actually begin to feel better. I realized I had a life before she tore my heart apart. Of course, I could have a life again. In fact, I feel that My Maker was in Solomon's Island, too, that humid afternoon. Maybe, He was eating fresh oysters in that same restaurant we just went to.

After all, I can still photograph flowers, they are still producing niagara icewine and lovers are still saying sweet nothings every single day, like the couple we passed by laughing and holding hands. In a few months, that could be me making out on the beach behind a big white rock.



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