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YOU ARE OLD
6/12/2014 10:28:25 PM

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
> 2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
> 3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
> 4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
> 5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember...
> 6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
> 7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act...
> 8. Make all the noise you want... The neighbors are deaf, too.
> 9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!
> 10. Don't even think about trying it twice.
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> 'OLD' IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'
> 'OLD' IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
> 'OLD' IS WHEN... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your wife's face.
> 'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
> 'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.
> 'OLD' IS WHEN....'Gets lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot...
> 'OLD' IS WHEN…..An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
> 'OLD' IS WHEN....You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.
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