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Wet dreams (13th palkat)


Wet Dreams (13th Palkat)

Aramina P Tandulan, DIA, DJ, Esq, LLB, BSChem

Note: Title is supposed to be ‘Sweet Dreams’ as explained in 2nd Palkat.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness; please follow all cleaning steps religiously.
-Karm, KarmaSutra XXX: How to Clean Your Condom after each Use

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is based on true events and confessions during my trials and tribulations. Names, places, and events are slightly modified and altered not to sensationalize but to hide the true personae and identities of the characters and any similarities to your real life experiences are purely accidental, co-incidental, and unintended. Peks man, cross my heart and hope to die. Discretion is strongly advised as some readers might find the contents just a little suggestive.

“Awuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuwou awuuuuu”

Miss Lucy scratched her suddenly itchy nape, her fingers slightly trembling and her face turned into an ashen pale white. There goes that stupid dog again, she mumbled.

If F/SI Edo Manzanilla had seen Miss Lucy’s ashen face, that could have validated his observation when Doña Ana Rosalea’s face turned into a whiter shade of pale upon hearing Miss Lucy’s voice: they do turn into ghostly white.

Judge JC felt Miss Lucy’s anxiety. “You are mumbling Miss Lucy…the dog’s howling gives you the creeps?”

“Just please make that stupid dog stop its howling Judge JC.”

“You know Miss Lucy, we can talk about your fear of dogs, the events of your childhood…”

Judge JC interrupted himself. Probably, he thought, probably we can turn this game of chess into a

Non-Zero Sum game

a win-win situation for everyone.

“Send your medical team now Judge JC, stop stalling… we have to commence our intercourse soon, time is of the essence.”

“Sure, Miss Lucy.” Judge JC shook his head. The dog’s howling is really messing up Miss Lucy’s disposition, Judge JC thought, she didn’t even ask about Captain Angel Gabriel, a member of the Delta Six assault team.

Meanwhile, MonaLisa the pussycat turned into a porcupine again. “Don’t let the dog’s howling transfigure you Mona, we will be out of this predicament soon.” Christine reassured Mona as she reached for Karm’s manuscript through the inside edge of the top drawer. For some strange reason, Christine thought, I think Karm put a secret message in one his KarmaSutra novels, something that I need to decipher; it could give Mona and me a chance to survive this tribulation.

Christine was able to retrieve Karm’s first submission; KarmaSutra XXX, How to Clean Your Condom after each Use. She opened the envelope containing the Dead ‘C’ Scroll. Christine gingerly unfolded the folded yellowing parchment paper. What message are you trying to relay Karm, Christine muttered.

She then opened Karm’s first novel, Christine thought she’d read Chapter 2 again, somehow, she felt the key to their survival, Mona and her, was in the ‘instructions’:

Chapter 2, The Instructions

Rosario, a devout Roman Catholic always carries with her a Rosary. “Is that why your Mamang named you ‘Rosario’ Rosario?” I asked her once when we were kneeling inside the church, she was praying her litany of Hail Marys, fingering a Rosary bead for each Hail Mary. “Shhhh,” Rosario whispered back. “kenenam Kar, stop staring at the woman’s legs and butt.” How did she know, I thought to myself, I was wearing my darkglasses… and I was not really staring at the woman who was also kneeling in front of us, I was only wondering how the woman was able to walk or kneel or stand in her very tight miniskirt.

Well, that’s Rosario. She’d always find a way to insert her Gaddang swear words. If we were not inside the church, if we were at the mall, she would have yelled: BLEEPnenam Kar!!! Stop oogling at those women in their short-shorts!!! Well, I really wouldn’t be oogling actually; I would just be wondering how could those women be wearing their short-shorts with their butt-cheeks already peeking.

Sometimes I’d just shake my head. Not only because of the filth that would come out of Rosario’s mouth each time she thought I was staring at the peeking butt-cheeks, but also I’d shake my head because of those peeking butt-cheeks.


Christine couldn’t repress her giggle. Men, she mumbled, this just proves the point that even though the wife could be the prettiest and sexiest woman in the world, the husband would still look at other women.

Meanwhile, while Karm’s description of the women’s short-shorts was amusing Christine, F/SI Edo Manzanilla was testing his 6,000,000 candle power spotlight/strobelight. WOW! F/SI Alexandria D. Dario exclaimed when she first saw Edo’s strobelight, that is a very large flashlight! Then she giggled, but is it as long as Detective Charlie’s retractable baton/flashlight, ha, Edo? The one that Detective Preci would sometimes playfully caress? F/SI Edo could just shake his head, but sometimes he would joke back; don’t turn my flashlight on Alex, you might drain its juice.

Meanwhile, the medical team including Miss Brenda and Miss Ariana started to board the helicopter. Miss Ariana’s twin babies stayed with the Nalibug twins, Grace and Katrina. F/SI Alex focused her SZ Peepers again on Miss Ariana. She does look like the Virgin Mary, she mumbled. Then, like F/SI Edo, her attention was suddenly focused on Miss Ariana’s necklace… but more specific, the pendant that’s hanging from her necklace, F/SI Alex mumbled. It looks like a triangular…no wait, more like an inverted wine glass… with something that would sometimes glitter inside the triangle, F/SI Alex again mumbled, holding her breath to steady her SZ Peepers telescope so she could catch the glitter.

Suddenly, the door of their staging area at the 42nd floor opened, startling F/SI Alex. Huffing and puffing, Marco San entered the room. He was carrying Kalis Marco San, whose eyes were suddenly bulging upon seeing F/SI Alex. Kids, F/SI Alex mumbled and giggled in her mind. Behind Marco San was Miss Henrietta holding a laptop, following her was Giancarlo Istante, carrying his baseball bat on his right shoulder and a microwave on his left shoulder. F/SI Alex was puzzled, unless that microwave is battery-operated, she thought, that will not work here, the electricity is still not turned on that’s why the elevators are not working. True enough, behind Giancarlo Istante were Mayora Annette and her boypren with his darkglasses and his dog. Mayora Annette was a holding a battery pack for the laptop and the boypren was carrying a power pack for the microwave.

D.S. Abdul B. Markuzim plugged the microwave into the power pack. He then connected the battery pack to the laptop and turned on the laptop. After a few moments, the microwave buzzed and then a fuzzy image appeared on the microwave glassdoor. The fuzzy image cleared and Kalis Marco San suddenly clapped his hands in excitement and pointed at the glassdoor:

“Mommy Miss Brenda!”

Aramina P Tandulan, DIA, DJ, Esq, LLB, BSChem ©2017

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