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Wet dreams (14th palkat)


Wet Dreams (14th Palkat)

Aramina P Tandulan, DIA, DJ, Esq, LLB, BSChem

Note: Title is supposed to be ‘Sweet Dreams’ as explained in 2nd Palkat.

No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first
-Terry Pratchett

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is based on true events and confessions during my trials and tribulations. Names, places, and events are slightly modified and altered not to sensationalize but to hide the true personae and identities of the characters and any similarities to your real life experiences are purely accidental, co-incidental, and unintended. Peks man, cross my heart and hope to die. Discretion is strongly advised as some readers might find the contents just a little suggestive.

Suddenly, Kalis Marco San giggled, O my, he thought, tita Judge Aramina might have rushed her last post; she forgot to specify or clarify Tito Giancarlo Istante carried a microwave oven.

That same microwave oven that Tita Ariana bought from a garage sale when we were in Princeton New Jersey, Kalis Marco San mused. Then Kalis Marco S smiled, that’s right, Tita Ariana stayed with us in Princeton. I could hardly walk then, she used to push me around… I mean, she used to push me in my stroller when we go garage sale shopping. She even bought me my first smart phone from one of the garage sales. Although I think my smart phone was defective, because everytime my Tita Ariana and my daddy Marco San went Pokemon hunting last year, I tried to catch one too but everytime I pushed a button, it would say Arrrrrrrrgh Arrrrrrrrrgh; that was my Chewbacca ringtone. Then when I tried to take a picture of my Tita Ariana and my daddy Marco San having sooooo much fun so I can instagram the picture to my mommy Miss Brenda who was always away flying or travelling, she’s a flight attendant you know, my smart phone said ‘low bat’ so I showed it to my Tita Ariana, she laughed. Let’s go Kal-EL, we’ll buy a replacement battery, she said. So, she pushed me to Walmart and she bought two AA alkaline batteries. At least Kal-EL these batteries won’t explode, she laughed as she replaced the old batteries from my plastic smart phone.

My Tita Ariana calls me Kal-EL, Kalis Marco San mused, because apparently, her boyfriend’s name is Kalil. I never saw her boypren Kalil though, he never visited her in Princeton. Or even if he visited, he would have not seen my Tita Ariana because we were always hiding in my closet. My closet is a walk-in closet, I have all my toys there, my Buddha alkansia where I put all my 20$ bills from my generous uncles and aunties, my bird drawings when I attended IB-Daycare at UP, University of Prinston, International Baccalaureate Daycare. You have nice Bulbul drawings Kal-EL, my Tita Ariana said admiringly when she saw my Bulbul drawings.

I also have a skeleton in my closet, Kalis Marco San mumbled.

Sometimes I wonder why we’d always stay in my closet everytime we had visitors. Like when the two FBI agents, apparently friends of our family, Special Agent Paquito ‘Paks’ Muldong and Special Agent Doña Iskaleri came to our house. My Tita Ariana said shhhhh to me, crossing her left index finger on her lips, she turned off the closet light, turned on her penlight and she continued to read her book Bag of Bones by Stephen King. I was sitting then on her lap, my arms around her and my head buried deep in her chest I could even hear her heart murmur: don’t be scared Kal-EL, that is just a skeleton, her murmuring heart reassured me.

That skeleton in my closet always scares me, Kalis Marco San shuddered slightly. The skeleton came from a PittCon, Pittsburgh Conference, my daddy Marco San won that skeleton from a company raffle. Apparently, that’s where Tita Ariana met my daddy Marco San. My mommy Miss Brenda didn’t want my daddy to keep his skeleton in their closet.

I learned a lot about Tita Ariana during our closet time, Kalis Marco San mused. Well, our dialogues were mostly one-way; she talked, I listened. She’d slice some apples and put the slices in a mallukong, a porcelain bowl and she would leave the mallukong with me inside my playpen so I have something to nibble while she teaches me stuff. Like when she taught me the Greek Alphabet while she tinkered with her abubots, her stuff; she re-wired her microwave oven from the garage sale. She called it MANAS:

Microwave Amplification by Non-Attenuating Stimulation

Sometimes she would stand and strech her stiff legs, like kung-fu or tai-chi leg stretches, or like that karate kid. I think my watery swelling legs, my manas is acting up Kal-EL, she’d giggle, pregnancy affliction. She was pregnant at that time.

A little known fact about Tita Ariana, Kalis Marco San couldn’t repress his smile, if Tito Angel Gabriel is a Delta 6 strikeforce and a member of their fraternity AMO:

Alpha Mu Omega

my Tita Ariana was actually a Six Sigma Blackbelt in one of the electronics company she had worked. She was also a member of a sorority when she was a university student:

Kappa Kappi Kappu

Of course, they didn’t call themselves the KKK but instead they were secretly known as the Ka-Ki-Ku.

Ups, I digressed too much, Kalis Marco San scratched his head, enihu, once my Tita Ariana had rewired her microwave oven, she calibrated it to synchronize the undulations of the microwaves to the lightwaves coming from the photometer of the remote light detector. I didn’t understand much about Tita Ariana’s lectures though, as I would doze off in my playpen, then I would be startled by her laughter, especially when a woman appeared on her computer monitor, a naked woman.

OMG Kal-EL, don’t look! You’ll go blind! My Tita Ariana immediately covered my eyes with her left palm so I could only see darkness and not the naked woman who seemed to be riding a horse because she was bobbing up and down…all of her was bobbing up and down. I tried to tilt my head to the left and to the right until I saw light but darkness would always prevail like what Terry Pratchett had said because my Tita Ariana would move her hand too with my tilting head to re-seal my eyes. I wanted to tell her for sure I’d go blind if she’d accidentally poke my eyes but I could not properly say the words I wanted to say:

bob-bob-bobomba hi-hi-hi gu-gu ga-ga.

What puzzled me most, Kalis Marco S paused briefly as if he was trying to recall what he saw in his Tita Ariana’s computer, what puzzled me at that time was the naked woman actually looked very familiar. Kalis Marco San glanced at Doña Ana Rosalea. Yes, Kalis Marco San nodded, Tita Ariana confirmed we saw tita Ana Rosalea.

Because according to my Tita Ariana, Kalis Marco San still nodding his head, according to her, the reason we could see Tita Ana was that the photometer detector of her re-wired microwave oven, her MANAS, was right in front of Tita Ana. More accurately, the person facing Tita Ana was wearing the detector. It was a micro-camera embedded on a pendant. And the pendant was attached to the necklace that apong Don Huan was wearing.

Ha? Kalis Marco San pursed his lips momentarily. According to my Tita Ariana, she gave that pendant to apong Don Huan as a memento when they met in HITLOG: Harbard Institute of Technology, Literature, and Obs-Gyn. Apparently, they had a very brief intercourse when they went to Harbard for their practical exam for the online course they were taking; Birthing 101. Kalis Marco San shook his head, ate Alma, tita Doctora Diana’s daughter is right; adult life is really very complicated.

Enihu, Kalis Marco San smiled, enihu, after a few more re-wiring and recalibrating, Tita Ariana was able to make the images which were coming from the pendant camera appear on the microwave oven door. That’s why my Mommy Miss Brenda is now on the microwave oven door smiling and waving because apong Don Huan’s necklace with the pendant is now being worn by my Tita Ariana… naggulo! What a tangled web they weave.

“OMG!” F/SI Alexandria D. Dario exclaimed. She focused her Peepers, her binoculars on Detective Precious Polito with her arms around Detective Charlie. Probably she’s consoling him, F/SI Alex thought, glancing at F/SI Edo who was ready to crawl into the vent system. F/SI Edo had already removed the cover of the access window and was shining his 6,000,000-candle power inside the vents. F/SI Edo started to weaken; he knew at the bends, between him and Christine, darkness was waiting.

F/SI Alex sighed. It is better if Edo doesn’t see how sexy Preci is comforting detective Charlie, she mumbled. Then F/SI Alex re-focused her binoculars on Miss Ariana’s pendant; she could see Miss Brenda secretly smiling and waving at the pendant, like the image on the microwave oven door.

Aramina P Tandulan, DIA, DJ, Esq, LLB, BSChem ©2017

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