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Kalis Marco S, M.R.B
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Kara kruz: sins of desire (3rd palkat)

02/28/2018


Kara Kruz: Sins of Desire (3rd palkat)

Kalis Marco S, M.R.B.


(Kaw)
Haba na
Kinnana

(Kaw)
Kahaba haba na Oh
Kinnana

(Kaw Kaw)

-Detective Precious H. Polito, Havana* cover (featuring Old Pug** da rapping dog), unreleased, unplugged and almost uncovered

(*Camila Cabello original)
(**Tita Mayora Annette’s boyfriend’s dog, apparently possessed by the soul of St Rocco’s dog)


Part V, Da Formula 5

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is based on true events and confessions during tita Judge Aramina’s trials and tribulations. Names, places, and events are slightly modified and altered not to sensationalize but to hide the true personae and identities of the characters and any similarities to your real life experiences are purely accidental, co-incidental, and unintended. Peks man, cross my heart and hope to die. Discretion is strongly advised as some readers might find the contents just a little offensive.

(apparently, I have to keep it non-erotic, non-explicit, and non-wet dreamy, tita Judge Aramina can only hope)


Monkey See Monkey Do
Gaya Gaya Puto Maya
Tulad Tulad Anak iti Kurad


March 01, 2018
Nagasaki, somewhere in the mountains

“Awuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”

Sensei tita Jessica Henwick who was deep in her meditation trying to harness her mojo, her inner Chi, or Qi (Ki), her Katana slung on her back, didn’t budge from her seated yoga position; the howling wolf could not scare her. Then suddenly, she slightly opened her left eye to see if her underwear could be seen by the naked eyes of the howling wolf because of her yoga position. She relaxed when she realized she had her karate outfit on and not a mini-skirt, that stupid howling wolf might be the legendary peeping dog, Sensei Jessica giggled in her mind.

Meanwhile, here in

Naga City
KMSS, Camarines Sur, Vice Presidential Inauguration day

The Marco San P-Pop band started to fine tune their electric instruments; tita Lisa May’s hubby on keyboard, tita Lisa May on guitar, tita Miss Teresa on drums.

Detective Precious H. Polito checked the pardible, or aspili, or safety pin of her green checkered skirt, her uniform when she studied at St. Benilda-De La Salle University (before she transferred to STU, San Tomas University). She converted her skirt into a mini-bidang, a tapis, a super mini-skirt which she held with the aspili at her waist, creating a slit that would show her entire left leg when moved.

Tita Precious was initially hesitant to perform her own version of Havana because critics might label her too as an ‘unggoy na gaya-gaya puto-maya’ like how they labeled Nay Rita Regine Velasquez and Charice Pempengco but after a few pep talk with apong Don Huan, her doubt dissipated.


According to my TOK titser at the UP-IB Daycare (Theory of Knowledge), Albert Einstein apparently had quoted

“Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.”

“That’s probably true,” apong Don Huan plans to write in his unpublished and unwritten book Unbridled but Infinitesimal Wisdom, “probably Einstein really made that quote because in my infinitesimal wisdom, I could have not come up with such quote; heck I don’t even know when to use the quotation marks properly. But I think I understand what Einstein meant.”

According to tita Detective Precious, this was apong Don Huan’s pep talk (which he plans to write in his unpublished and unwritten book Unbridled but Infinitesimal Wisdom):

Negative people will try to pull you down, like ‘Crab Mentality’. A crab would pull down its fellow crab that’s attempting to climb up the container, probably a labba, or a basket. The zodiac sign Cancer is represented by a ‘crab’ picture (sometimes 69), so one might conclude then that a negative person with a crab mentality is like a cancer that will not only prevent you from reaching the top of your potential but will also try to destroy you.

Singing is difficult. I tried to sing ala nay Rita Regine Velasquez once when I was showering,

I knoooow I’ll never loooooove this way again

When mi esposa Doña Ana Rosalea banged at our bathroom door in Queens NY:

HOY Kordapioh! Our neighbors might think I am garroting a pig… or worse I am squeezing hard at the neck of your cock!

Kotaaaaaak-kak-kaaaaaark-kaaaaaaaaaaark

(because I do have a fighting cock in NYC)

So where were you Kordapioh when Miss Regine needed your support some nine odd years ago? Mi esposa asked me once. Well honey Kordapiah, I replied, if you remember, I was busy with work I did not have time to surf the AOL dial-up internet, I didn’t know what was happening in the music world. Beside, our phone line was always busy because you were telebabading with your Anti-Krista in Chino Hills California.

I was the Floor Manager at the Raleigh NC hospital where I worked back then. I never got tired of mopping the floor because nay Rita was singing in my earphone. I vacuumed the carpeted floor while nay Rita sang on my headphone. She never got tired of singing to me, entertaining me while I collected and emptied and washed the arinolas, the bedpans.

“For me, Nay Rita Regine Velazquez is an icon, honey Kordapiah,” I told my wayf. “I know Kordapioh,” she replied shaking her head, “because you created a shortcut icon of her song on your desktop.”


To be able to sing like nay Rita is a gift. So if you are able to vocalize a concatenation of notes without going out of tune, go ahead, express yourself. Sing like Regine Velasquez, or Charice Pempengco, or Sarah G, or Alex G, or Ariana G, or Fergie. Sing the Bayang Magiliw ala Fergie when she sang the US National Anthem during the NBA All-Stars, sing it cabaret-style.

Ignore the crabs. Sing like Shakira, imitate her hips, imitate Ariana G’s ponytail, imitate Selena, or Celine Dion, Whitney Houston. You are singing for yourself. You are singing not to entertain the crabs but to entertain those people who enjoy listening to you. The one who can’t be entertained by your singing has the option of not listening to your singing…or watch you sing.

“So, Miss Preci,” apong Don Huan still plans to write in his unpublished and unwritten book Unbridled but Infinitesimal Wisdom, “you can’t really please everyone. That’s life.”

Kasta la’t Biag, adda Kubbo, adda Kiad.


But who wouldn’t be entertained by tita Detective Precious’ singing of her Havana version? Tito F/SI Edo Manzanilla, a Fire Senior Inspector couldn’t wipe the smile on his face while he looked around the audience when the band started to play and his darling tita Precious came out of the backstage and walked on to the limelight. The cheering girls frantically clapping their hands, boys popping their eyes, men yelling obscenities, older men barking. Actually, it was Old Pug the Rapping Dog who started to bark:

Kaw!

And suddenly there was a hush as tita Detective Precious started to dance, moving slowly like a slithering serpent:

Haba na
Kinnana

Kaw!

(Tita Detective Precious took the baton which was slung around her waist and playfully ran her fingers along the length of the shaft)

Kahaba haba na Oh
Kinnana

Kaw! Kaw!

(Tito Edo Manzanilla blushed when he saw the baton)

… there's somethin' 'bout his manners
maginoo pero may… pagkabastos, ahay

…so I had to tell him, I had to go
May I go out muna ‘ko ha, dyi-jingle muna ako hi-hi-hi Oh
Kinnana

(people laughed while tita Precious gyrated)

… he got malo in him… no not malo na pamalo ng maong
it is melee… baton… Super-Batuta® melee baton
ahahay oh kinnana

Tito Edo knew the melee baton was Detective Charlie S. Tirong’s batuta, tito Edo had seen tita Detective Preci play with the batuta several times… and tita Precious even showed tito Edo the flashlight functionality of the Super-Batuta.

Tito Edo closed his eyes and tried to forget the gnawing jealousy inside him, he knew his Darling Preci is now safe from the masasamang-kuko, bad fingernails of Detective Charlie S. Tirong because at this very moment, tito Edo mumbled to himself, detective Tirong and his wife Christine are honeymooning in…

“Awuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”

OMG! Okin-nana! Tito Edo’s hair started to stiffened, the hair on his nape. Adda al-alia! There’s a ghost! Then suddenly, he realized Old Pug started to rap while his darling Precious danced and gyrated:

Kaw kaw
Woof woof grrr woof grrr kaw
Kaw kaw
Woof woof grrr woof grrr kaw
Kaw kaw
Woof woof grrr woof grrr kaw
Kaw kaw
Woof woof grrr woof grrr kaw
Kaw kaw
Woof woof grrr woof grrr kaw

“Awuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”

Even the older men started to howl and salivate like Old Pug while tita Precious gyrated and played with Charlie’s malo or melee-baton. Tito F/SI Edo felt some kind of elation that his own ‘bebe Rita’, his gelpren tita Preci was able to entertain the common tao; the farmers, the fishermen, the general laborers, the Kiads, the Kubbos…

The hunchbacks… hunchback… kubbo…

Kuba

OMG! Again, tito Edo’s hair stiffened, my bebe Preci is singing her adaptation/cover of Havana while Charlie nga Lasi and Christine are honeymooning in Cuba!

Then suddenly, tito Edo noticed something odd, one man who was not clapping and watching but was hunched and reaching something inside his woven anahaw bag, an ilocano bay-on, tagalog bayong, english bayongski… wait, tito Edo muttered… his back…

Tita Alexandria, also a Fire Senior Inspector who was standing beside tito Edo also noticed the hunched man who was reaching for something inside his woven anahaw bag, his bayongski…

“He is a real hunchback Edo, a kuba, like Quasimodo,” tita Alexandria whispered, “and he is reaching for a…”

Tita Alexandria’s hair stiffened, her nape hair. OMG, déjà vu all over again, she muttered to herself, he is holding a…

Grenade!




Kalis Marco San, M.R.B. ©2018





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