- website a magustoan a pagpalpallailangan dagiti pada a nangisit ti sikona.



Skip Navigation LinksHome > Articles Main Page > Article


Kalis Marco S, M.R.B
iCom page


Kara kruz: the mommy returns (2nd palkat)


Kara Kruz: The Mommy Returns (2nd palkat)

Kalis Marco S, M.R.B.

God does not play dice…
-Albert Einstein

There’s no carbon-dating God.
-Deacon Karl Marks

Part VI, Da Formula 6

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is based on true events and confessions during tita Judge Aramina’s trials and tribulations. Names, places, and events are slightly modified and altered not to sensationalize but to hide the true personae of the characters and any similarities to your real life experiences are purely accidental, co-incidental, and unintended. Peks man, cross my heart and hope to die. Discretion is strongly advised as some readers might find the contents just a little suggestive.

(N.B., still unable to write the sequel of this never-ending story, Tita Judge Aramina again requested that I write it, because not only that she is overly encumbered with her duties as the Vice President, just like tita Kara Danvers, tita Judge Aramina has to walk away too from certain… vulnerabilities?)

The object is not to win; it’s to stay in it as long as you can
-Qi’ra, Han Solo (Starwars)

Dice. Roulette. Seven-eleven. Kulug-kulog.

Cards. Black Jack. Twenty-one. Poker. Pusoy.

Kara-krus. Head or tail. Coin toss. Patto. Boy wenno gel. Biring.

Games of chance.

My momma once told me, my mommy Miss Brenda, she said:

Think before you jump Calisto; don’t take chances.

Hmn. It’s rare that my mommy Miss Brenda would call me by my real name, I mumbled to myself that day while looking at the big hump of pristinely white snow. For some reason, my mommy knew exactly what I was thinking: dive into that pile of snow.

True, we have to be careful. We heard on the news a few week s ago that a girl died in Quebec when she jumped into a big pile of snow not knowing it was a snow-covered rock.

Or, someone could have scattered nails or broken glasses, like what they do in beaches or parks.

“Always listen to your mother.”

Deacon Karl Marks the non-philosopher would say to children every Sunday Bible study at the mountains .

“Well, although your mother knows best, you should listen to your father too because the Ten Commandments command you to Honor your father and your mother.”

Tita geneticist Elisa could just giggle sometimes while Deacon Karl Marks would try to interpret the Bible so the children of the mountains could understand. Well, some of them might not have attended a real Sunday mass until tita Victoria’s husband, a priest, started performing Sunday Masses at the chapel donated by tita Mayora Annette.

Deacon Karl Marks apparently attempted a full priesthood when he was a seminarian at SVU, San Veda University but for some strange reason, he became the husband of tita Elisa. There were actually two Ilocano versions on how the Deacon and tita Elisa got connected. One version was tita Elisa sponsored the Deacon as her mail-order groom.

The other Ilocano version was the Deacon was employed as a genetics technician in one of the genetics firm in New York and tita Elisa was his manager. Tita Elisa would sometimes work on weekends to harvest her E. coli clones so she needed her technician to wash her test tubes and other glassware. How the technician and the geneticist ended up cloning or coding their son Christopher was of course not a mystery to them because they were apparently two consenting adults.

Whatever happened in the dark room when they were developing their x-ray film of their PAGE, polyacrilamide gel electrophoresis to determine the DNA sequence of the gene that tita Elisa was working on apparently did not stay in that darkroom. Their cloning and coding activities apparently spilled over to tita Elisa’s house in Queens.

It was easy for tita Elisa the geneticist to explain to me how my tita Ariana got pregnant; the possible sharing of genetic fluid, the conjoining of the DNAs, and the formation of the baby from the DNA codes; i.e., if tita Ariana did some coding with a male DNA donor.

Or probably it was Immaculate Conception.

The Deacon would happily explain to the children of the mountains how the Angel Gabriel gave the message to the most Virgin Mary that she’d be carrying the Son of God on her womb. Deacon Karl Marks, risking that his teachings might be considered blasphemous and could be declared persona non grata by the Catholic Church and even possibly raising the ire of the scientific world, went further to explain to the children of the mountains how Genesis really happened.

So Deacon Karl Marks the ‘Genesisist’ told the children of the mountains his own version of the creation of the universe and its inhabitants:

Well children, it could be wrong to assume God did not play dice, because before the creation of the universe, whether by big bang or by any other means, God was of course alone. He was…


For how long God was alone, no one would know; there was no carbon-dating God.

So, being alone, God had to have some form of entertainment. Probably God was the first to determine the probability of obtaining ‘seven’ when two dice were rolled: like the combination of 1 and 6, 2 and 5, 3 and 4, 4 and 3, 5 and 2, and 6 and 1. Who else would sew his torn robe so probably he had to do some stitching.

Then probably God thought, “Why do I have to be alone in this darkness?” So God at that point probably created the universe: the stars, the planets, and the inhabitants of earth, Adam, Eve…

Child 1: You mean to say Deacon Karl, the first Miss Universe was Miss Eve?

Deacon Karl Marks: Yes that’s right children, just like Miss KD the current Miss Universe, even Steve Harvey would not be able to botch the crowning of Miss Garden of Eden, Miss Eve was the unanimous choice

Child 2: Excuse me Deacon Karl Marks, the current Miss Universe is KD… Kevin Durant?

Child 3: Can’t be Kevin Durant the basketball player… I think it’s Kim Domingo

Deacon Karl Marks: Close children, but not Miss Kim Domingo, it’s Miss Philippines Catriona Gray

(the children of the mountains were so confused they just scratched their nape)

Then one child bravely asked how exactly did God create the first man. Good question, said the Deacon. This was where I think God did some trial and error… like… almost like a game of chance.

First, God molded from clay an image of Himself, then God had to put the heart, liver, lungs, and the innards, the laman-loob like the intestines… then God had to sew His first man creation so God took a special string and a needle and He sew his first creation to close the body. But, “oh no”, God mumbled, the string was too long; there was an excess. So God just shrugged His shoulder and He blew life into his first creation and mumbled, “I name you Adam.”

So God took some more clay and repeated the process, God cut a shorter special string that time but the string was too short it was not enough to completely close the body… there was a gap! Again, God just shrugged His shoulder and again blew life into his second creation and mumbled, “I name you Eve.”

So, God in his infinite wisdom assigned a special purpose for Adam’s excess string and Eve’s gap. God said:

Go… and multiply.

“Wait a minot Kal-EL,” ate Alma again pointed at my screen the other day, you mean to say, Kara Kruz is not really a superhero like tita Kara Danvers the Supergirl but Kara Kruz is that game of chance, the one they call in ilocano…patto?

Kalis Marco San, M.R.B. ©2019

Rate this Article
Low <---------------------------------> High

Please login to rate this Article