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Pagsasaritaan a Topiko

BINNALBALATONG KEN ANG-ANGAW

PITONG
2/2/2008 7:07:00 PM

KAS IPASIMUDAAG TI TITULO, DAYTOY NGA TAMBAYAN KET ISU TI LUGAR NGA INTAY MAN PAGI-INNANGAWAN
PAGKIKINNATAWAAN, BINNOLASTOGAN, PAGPIPINNASAWAN, PINNASAGIDAN, PAGE-ESTORIAAN, PAGKANTAAN,
PAGDANIWAN, BUKANEGAN, PAGRIRIAN, PAGAAPAAN, DINNANOGAN, PAGBIBINNARTEKAN KEN NO ANIA LATTAN...

DAGITAY GAGAYYEM KO NGA NORMAL KEN DAGITA MAKUNA NGA "A.B.NORMAL" IMBITADO KAY AMIN AGRAMAN
DAGITAY KAWAW WENNO DIPPIG TI ULODA NGA MAIYANG-ANGIN, DAGITAY SANGADANGAN TI AGUY-UYAUY NGA
ALMORANAS DA, DAGITAY AGGUD GUD, DAGITAY NARABAW TI PURIIT NA, DAKAYO NGA NANG-AAGAW NG
LAKAS, DAGITAY MEMBERS KEN PRESIDENT TI "VFA". KASTA MET DAGITAY ADDICT TI KAPE KEN CR,
DAKAYO NGA BARTEKERO, BIBIANGOT, MANUTSUTIL, KEN KASTA MET DAGITAY NAPIPINTAS NGA BABBALASANG
(uray saan)KEN DAGITAY NALASANG, KASTA MET DAGITAY MANIKURISKIE, MANNANIWSKI KEN DAGITAY MONICA
LEWINSKI NA MAHILIG MAG ICE CANDY...ALA DAKAY AMIN UMAY KAYON...BWI HI HI HI(hiram lang)

ala rugian yun gagayyem....WARNING;LAUGH AT YOUR OWN RISK, NAKAMISUUT IS DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH.



Sungsungbat/Komentario

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Isidro Racuya Lozano
10/12/2008 9:59:00 PM
MAESTRA: Pedro ania ti aramiden no ag-guingined?

PEDRO: Mam, sindi ak diay pagsilawan mi!

MAESTRA: Apay?

PEDRO: Ngamin idiay balaymi, rinabii nga ag-guingined, ngem no sindi ak diay pagsilawan mi ket bigla nga agsardeng!!!
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Mang kulas
10/12/2008 10:03:00 PM
Dios ti agngina kadakayo amin dito kalapaw ni PITONG.. Toy numo ket nay-yaw-awan.. Diak ammo nu sadinno dalan pagawidan..Dumap ay nak man biit ta pagin inanaan toy nabannog a pammagi...
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Mang kulas
10/12/2008 10:03:00 PM
Dios ti agngina kadakayo amin dito kalapaw ni PITONG.. Toy numo ket nay-yaw-awan.. Diak ammo nu sadinno dalan pagawidan..Dumap ay nak man biit ta pagin inanaan toy nabannog a pammagi...
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Mang kulas
10/12/2008 10:06:00 PM
Dios ti agngina kadakayo amin dito kalapaw ni PITONG.. Toy numo ket nay-yaw-awan.. Diak ammo nu sadinno dalan pagawidan..Dumap ay nak man biit ta pagin inanaan toy nabannog a pammagi...
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Mang kulas
10/12/2008 10:06:00 PM
Dios ti agngina kadakayo amin dito kalapaw ni PITONG.. Toy numo ket nay-yaw-awan.. Diak ammo nu sadinno dalan pagawidan..Dumap ay nak man biit ta pagin inanaan toy nabannog a pammagi...
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PITONG
10/13/2008 2:10:00 AM
dumanon ka latta Mang Kulas, apay nga magmagna ka. dika koma naglugan diay kalesam. no kasta nga maiyaw-awan ka, uyusem dayta pantalon mo ken kalsonsilyo. Isuot mo ti pabaliktad dayta pantalon ken aramidem nga bonete dayta kalsonsilyom. Padasem Mang kulas ta epektib kano dayta. Ngem sige aginana ka pay la bassit.
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PITONG
10/13/2008 2:11:00 AM
dumanon ka latta Mang Kulas, apay nga magmagna ka. dika koma naglugan diay kalesam. no kasta nga maiyaw-awan ka, uyusem dayta pantalon mo ken kalsonsilyo. Isuot mo ti pabaliktad dayta pantalon ken aramidem nga bonete dayta kalsonsilyom. Padasem Mang kulas ta epektib kano dayta. Ngem sige aginana ka pay la bassit.
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Mureng
10/14/2008 2:14:00 AM
ROMANTIC ACRONYMS:

HOLLAND
-Hope Our Love Last And Never Dies

ITALY
- I Trust And Love You

LIBYA
- Life Is Beautiful, You Also

CHINA
- Come Here I Need Affection

INDIA
- I Nearly Died In Adoration

KENYA
- Keep Everything Nice Yet Arousing

YEMEN
- Yugyugan Every Morning Every Night

JAPAN
- Jump And Play All Night

PHILIPPINES
- Pump Harder I love It Please Please I Need Erotic Stimulation.

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Marjorie
10/14/2008 9:05:00 PM
UMAYAK MAN MET MANGIPADIGO APO…

Waiter: And how did you find your steak, sir?
Customer: Well, I just pushed aside the beans and there it was!


“Doctor, you told me I have a month to live and then you sent me a bill for
$1,000! I can’t pay that before the end of the month!”
“Okay, you have six months to live.”


What is the difference between a woman and a battery?
“A battery always has a positive side.”


A guy coming out of the gym tells his friend; “I just lost 10 pounds!”
His friend says; “Turn around; I think I found them!”


A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."


Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook


"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?”
“Huge hands, sir.”


TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.


TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!


Teacher: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
Cindy: You told me to do it without using tables


Teacher: Today is the first day of the school, any questions?
John: Yes, when will the Holidays start?

Teacher: Dudley, can you tell me what the four seasons are?
Dudley: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.


Teacher: What are the four main food groups?
Students: Canned, frozen, instant, and lite

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Mureng
10/14/2008 10:07:00 PM
bwah ha ha ha...mayat man dagita impadigom ading Marjorie.

nayonam pay kabsat, pAMPALAG-AN TI BIAG
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Mureng
10/14/2008 10:09:00 PM
bwah ha ha ha...mayat man dagita impadigom ading Marjorie.

nayonam pay kabsat, pAMPALAG-AN TI BIAG
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Mang kulas
10/14/2008 10:16:00 PM
agyaman nak man mang pitong ti panangsakbay mo kanyak ditoy kalapaw mo....permi man nga naguyugoy toy riknak kadagiti agkakapintas nga bisitam ditoy kapaw mo..maragsakan toy riknak ni mbasak dagiti pangpaspasagid ni SUTIL kenni SHAKUL.. kadagiti ang-angaw nga uray la matnagak ditoy silyon ko napalalu nga elellek ko,, ayna apo... agtukar man toy ashma kon
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Mang kulas
10/15/2008 2:25:00 AM
Atty: Anya?? idedemandam jay boss mo iti sexual harrassment! !! Imbaga na la nga nabanglo ta buok mo!!!Anya kuma dakes na???
Marjorie: your honor, UNANO!!! jay boss ko.. UNANO!!!
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Marcial Mendoza Busilan
10/15/2008 2:35:00 AM
Maysa nga malem agtungtungtung da Cardina kenni Erap
Erap: Agingga it ket mabusur pay ti simbahan kanyak. This is unfair.

Cardinal: Ni! Apay a nakunap dayta ERAP?
Erap: Ngamin Cardinal, adda Sabado de GLORIA, Sagrado de CORAZON, at Domingo de RAMOS. Apay ngay ta siak ket awan??? Nag presidente nak met saan kadi!
Cardinal (Nagtannimid): OK, ok manipug ita, yours is ASS Wednesday!
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Marjorie
10/15/2008 5:30:00 PM
Three men were sitting on a bench in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said "I died of cancer." The second man said, "I died of Tuberculosis". The third man said "I died of seenus". The first two men said, "No, you mean sinus." The third man said "No, I mean seenus. I was out with my best friend's wife and he seen us!"


The lawyer was cross-examining a witness.
“Isn’t it true, “he bellowed, “that you were I given $500.00 to throw this case?”
The witness did not answer. Instead, he just stared out the window as though he hadn’t
heard the question. The attorney repeated himself, again getting the same reaction - no response.
Finally, the judge spoke to the witness, “Please answer the question.”
“Oh,” said the startled witness, “I thought he was talking to you.”


HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY AND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE INSANE
1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.
3. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
6. When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
7. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
8. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.
9. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
10. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
11. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.



A man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away. He tried to stand up again but only fell over again. He thought if only he could get outside and get some fresh air he'd be grand. So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again. In the end after falling over lots more he decided to crawl home. When he got back to his house he pulled himself up using the door handle but as soon as he let go he fell over again. He had to crawl up the stairs and managed to fall over onto the bed and fell asleep. When he finally woke up the next morning his wife asked him what he was doing at the pub last night. He denied it but she said, "I know you were there..." he maintained his innocence until "...the barman rang to say you forgot your wheelchair again...."



A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them. "Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. Whereupon the old lady Answers, "We just love the chocolate around them."


A woman was walking in a graveyard when she saw a man kneeling by a grave shouting "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE???" Feeling sorry for the man she put her hand on his arm and said "Is that your wife your grieving for?" To which the man replied, "No it’s my wife's ex husband"
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Marcial Mendoza Busilan
10/15/2008 8:16:00 PM
Maysa nga agsapa iti duminggo, sumro man tay tipus ni SUTIL, ayna napalalo ti isuot na... aglalo idi ibaon ni baket na nga aramiden jay dadael jay balayda. Attoy man jay saritaan da:

BAKET NI SUTIL : HON SUTIL, sukatam man jay silaw jay ruar ta napundi sa metten.

SUTIL : HELLO!? APAY Electrician nak kadi?

BAKET NI SUTIL : Ala ket di ka aglaaw ah! jay agdan ngarud ti aramidem ta kumalay-at nak man ti kabatiti ta isut pangaldaw tayu inton pangngaldaw.

SUTIL : APAY!? karpintero nak aya?

*Dagdagus nga nagpelles ni SUTIL ta napan nakitonghits jay kaarruba na a balu, Idi Nagawid ta naabaken, uray la aglibbi libbi ti rurud na, awan pay duma na tay tukak jay taltalun. Napalalu ti sidda-aw na ta nalpas met amin nga dadel jay palasyo nan. Ket sinaludsod na kenni baket na nu asinno nangtarimaan amin a dadael jas palasyo na.

SUTIL (Nakabannikes kunam la tay laklakayan nga bakla):Baket Asino ti nangaramid amin ditoy?

BAKET NI SUTIL : Ittay pimmanaw ket sakto met nga nakita nak ni MANG KULAS nga agsangsangit, sinaludsod na nu apay,, kinunak a nga adu dadael toy balay.
Isu nga nag offer isuna ti tulong kasukat kanu iti SEX WENNO IPAGBAKE KO KANU ITI CAKE.

SUTIL (uray la makakatayen ti gagar na) : Ket pinag bake mo ni MANG KULAS ITI CAKE?

BAKET NI SUTIL :HELLO?! APAY BAKER NAK KADI LAKAY?!

SUTIL: (NAGKISSIW!!!!)

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Marcial Mendoza Busilan
10/15/2008 8:18:00 PM
Maysa nga agsapa iti duminggo, sumro man tay tipus ni SUTIL, ayna napalalo ti Misuot na... aglalo idi ibaon ni baket na nga aramiden jay dadael jay balayda. Attoy man jay saritaan da:

BAKET NI SUTIL : HON SUTIL, sukatam man jay silaw jay ruar ta napundi sa metten.

SUTIL : HELLO!? APAY Electrician nak kadi?

BAKET NI SUTIL : Ala ket di ka aglaaw ah! jay agdan ngarud ti aramidem ta kumalay-at nak man ti kabatiti ta isut pangaldaw tayu inton pangngaldaw.

SUTIL : APAY!? karpintero nak aya?

*Dagdagus nga nagpelles ni SUTIL ta napan nakitonghits jay kaarruba na a balu, Idi Nagawid ta naabaken, uray la aglibbi libbi ti rurud na, awan pay duma na tay tukak jay taltalun. Napalalu ti sidda-aw na ta nalpas met amin nga dadel jay palasyo nan. Ket sinaludsod na kenni baket na nu asinno nangtarimaan amin a dadael jas palasyo na.

SUTIL (Nakabannikes kunam la tay laklakayan nga bakla):Baket Asino ti nangaramid amin ditoy?

BAKET NI SUTIL : Ittay pimmanaw ket sakto met nga nakita nak ni MANG KULAS nga agsangsangit, sinaludsod na nu apay,, kinunak a nga adu dadael toy balay.
Isu nga nag offer isuna ti tulong kasukat kanu iti SEX WENNO IPAGBAKE KO KANU ITI CAKE.

SUTIL (uray la makakatayen ti gagar na) : Ket pinag bake mo ni MANG KULAS ITI CAKE?

BAKET NI SUTIL :HELLO?! APAY BAKER NAK KADI LAKAY?!

SUTIL: (NAGKISSIW!!!!)

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PITONG
10/17/2008 1:58:00 AM
bwi hi hi hi(hiram kay sutil)urayak la lumablabbaga tikapipigil ti ellek ko kadagita ASS WENDNESDY yo kada ANO AKO BAKER jokes you.

addaak ngamin ditoy HongKong Airport nga agur-uray ti check-in pabalik Manila.

kitakitaen dak dagitoy adda ditoy sangok ta agkatkatawaak nga agmaymaysa... hehehe...

Mang kulas, nagmayat nga agpayso dagita pakatawa ni Marjorie ken Marcial.
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PITONG
10/17/2008 2:08:00 AM
IBYANG:hoy Kardo, anya tiar-aramidem? tattay pay la nga baliktad ka nga baliktad dita marriage contract natin. anya kadi ti sapsapulem dita?

KARDO: dika man tumagari dita nga baket... kitkitaek no adda expiration na.
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Mang kulas
10/17/2008 6:40:00 PM
niyahahahahahaha.... apay addqa kad marriage contract nga adda expiration date na.
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Marcial Mendoza Busilan
10/17/2008 7:36:00 PM
Gapu itit kinarigat jay probinsya, Napilitan a simrek ni Inday bilang maysa a
katulong a Maynila. Kabayatan ti panang in-interview Ti amo a ni Marjorie...

Marjorie: Iti kasapulan mi a katulong tay nalaing iti balay, Nalaing nga Agluto,
Aglaba, Agplantsa, Agpalengke, Ken Agbantay ditoy Ubing. Kabaelam kadi amin dagitoy Iha?


Inday: I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management
with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will
contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my
creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of
outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.

Marjorie: [Nagdaringungo]

Kalpasan iti duwa nga aldaw, Simmangpet ni amo naggapo't upisina, nakita na nga adda bukol ni Junior.


Marjorie: Inday! apay nga nabukulan ni junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well
engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the
boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory
organ.

Marjorie: ( Saan maka-react, Nagdaringungo manin]

Karabian na, idi madama da nga mangrabii.

Marjorie: Apay ngay ta nag apgad toy sida tayo?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the
increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste
drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

Marjorie: [Nagkissiw]


marjorie: Apay tunggal agawid nak, agbuybuya lang ti telebisyon ti aramid mo?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing. I
don't want you to percieve that being idle means losing the thought
of learning from a communicable media.

Marjorie: [hinimatay]

Kinabigatan na, kinuyod ni Inday ni junior jay principal's office ngamin di makaumay jay ni Marjorie nga amo na.


Principal: Dinanog ni junior diay kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight.
I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this
educational institution. Revise your policies because they're
beguile!

Principal: [nag resign]

Apagsangpet da diay balay ti amo na, nadanunan na jay amo na, napalalo ti pungtot na.

Marjorie: Inday, apay ta agkariuara toy basura toy likod ti balay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking
havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates
that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path
it was heading for.

Marjorie: [napatumbling! !]

Kabayatan nga agluluto ni Inday iti pangmalem, Agal aliwegweg ni junior.

Inday: Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property
damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to
be inflicted upon you! And I won't give a damn business on the
repurcussions it may result in domesticating your actions!

Junior: [timmray ijay banyo, nagdaringungo!!]

Kalpasan na nga agluto, nagbuya ti TV ni Inday. Nadamag na nga immakar ni
Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Apay ngata ta immakar?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish
reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if
they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people
can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [nagpangkis jay mata na]

Iti daydiay nga rabii, adda nag text kenni Inday. Ni Dodong, driver jay
kaarruba da, kayat na maki pag text-mate.

Inday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable
statement to the denial of your request - Petition denied.

Di nagbayag, gapu iti kina an-anus ni Dodong, syota nan ni Inday.
Pero di nagbayag iti relasyon da, ket nakipag-break ni Inday kenni
Dodong. Diay ruar iti gate...

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you have the
provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love
you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love
each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!"

Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken, what you seem to contrive as any
affections for you are somewhat half-hearted. I was merely attempting
to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily
recreation. Heretofor, you can expect an end to any verbal
articulation from myself"

Adda limmabas nga basurero, ket nanggeg na ti saritaan da Inday Kenni Dodong.

Basurero (kinunana ken Inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you
thought are just nothing because maybe someday you'll realize that
the one you gave away is the very thing you've been wishing for to
stay.

Nanggeg amin ti saritaan diay tallo ni Marjorie.

Marjorie: { hinimatay iti sobra a kissiw na! Agingga ita awan pay puot na!!!}

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Isidro Racuya Lozano
10/19/2008 1:54:00 PM
Dumalaw si President MGA sa mental hospital....

DIRECTOR: S'ya po si Kikay. Magaling na po s'ya...

MGA: Hello, Kikay. Kilala mo ba ako? I'm the President!

KIKAY: Nung bago pa lang ako dito ganyan din ang sinasabi ko. "I'm the President..." maraming magagaling na doktor dito...Don't worry... GAGALING KA DIN!
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Marjorie
10/21/2008 6:28:00 PM

Things to make you stop and think

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain
the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering


- EVER WONDER
-
- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
-
- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
-
- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
-
- Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
-
- Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
-
- Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
-
- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
- made with real lemons?
-
- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
-
- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
-
- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
-
- When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
-
- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
-
- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
-
- You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
- don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
-
- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
-
- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
-
- If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
-
- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?



There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman sitting next to him and says, "Hey, you look familiar.
Are you from around here?" The man answers, "Yeah, I live down the street."
"No kidding?" says the first man, "Well, so do I. And hey, you look about my age. Where did you go to high school?"
"Oh I went to BCF over on St. Louis. Graduated in '86.
How 'bout you?"
"Get out. I went to BCF. And I graduated in '86, too." "Where'd you go to college?"
"UB, in Baguio."
"No way! I went to UB too. What dorm?".
"Casana dorm."
"Casana? You're not going to believe this . . ."
Joe the bartender walks over, and the first guy says, "Joe, you won't believe it in a million years. This guy went to the same
high school as me, graduated the same year I did, and went to the same college. We were even in the same dorm. Isn't that amazing?"
Joe looks at them both and says, "Yeah, that's just plain amazing."
A third man comes in and says, "Hey Joe. What's new?" Joe says, "Not much. The Barroga twins are drunk again."


INDAY: Ma’m, agpakada akon. Agawidakon diay probinsiya.
MAM: Nagpakada ka kadin ken ni Sir mo?
INDAY: Immunan isuna, idiay kami kano nga agkitan!

LOLO: Bagkaten nak man apok.
APO: Pangipanak kaniayo LOLO, diay CR?
LOLO: Iparabaw nak man kenni Lolam, apuram!

ILOKANO: Agaplayak man nga soldado, sir!
OPISIYAL: Di nga mabalin, nagadu ti nadadael nga ngipen mo, tuppol ka pay!
ILOKANO: Apay sir, kinnagatanen aya ti laban diay gubatan tatta?

PULIS: Suki, maysa man a tasa nga kape, bayadak!
INTSIK: Aba, himala!
PULIS: Wen, awanen ti kotong, utos ni Apo Presidente!
INTSIK: Oke, oke, isaldeng ko metten nga tuptuplaan ta kapem ngalud!

PULIS: Boss, konting abuloy lang, mey namatay na pulis.
INTSIK: Ako madali migay amuloy masta alaw-alaw melon pulis patay oke?


A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."
The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, the
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Marjorie
10/21/2008 6:35:00 PM
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?” (kinurang ti space dita ngato isunga naituloy ditoy baba)



A fat lady walks into a bar with a pig under her arm. The bartender asks: "where did you get the cow?" the fat lady says "its not a cow its a pig", and the bartender said, " I was talking to the pig"
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Las Eng Go
10/22/2008 12:51:00 AM
hay na.. naimbag nga aldaw yo amin kakabsat...magoyogoy man toy riknak nga mangdagdagullit nga bsaen dagitoy pagkakatawaan tayo. naganas nga agpayso dagiti poste yo kabsat nga Marjorie, Lakay Isidro, Marcial, Mureng ken tay bumalay nga ni Pitz.
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Las Eng Go
10/22/2008 12:54:00 AM
Mang Kulas umay ka man ditoy ta pagsanguan ta daytoy maysa nga Lapad.
Pagpartien ta ni Pitz ti maysa nga white leghorn nga pulutanen tayo.

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Las Eng Go
10/22/2008 12:55:00 AM
Mang Kulas umay ka man ditoy ta pagsanguan ta daytoy maysa nga Lapad.
Pagpartien ta ni Pitz ti maysa nga white leghorn nga pulutanen tayo.

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Marjorie
10/23/2008 2:49:00 PM


PUNO: Sori sir, late ako…Grabe ang brownout sa Makati eh, 1 hr kami sa elevator!
ERAP: Mas grabe ang brownout sa San Juan, 2hrs kami ni Jinggoy sa escalator!

Mga babae sa impyerno nagtanong: Satanas bakit ang liliit ng mga titi dito sa impyerno? Satanas sumagot: Gaga! kung malalaki ang titi dito!......di parang nasa heaven narin kayo!!!!tama!!
Pare1: Pre, ano ang gagawin ko ayaw tumigas ng itits ko pag nag se sex kami ni mrs. Pare2: Pre, inom ka ng gamot. Pare1: Ano ba ang magandang gamot pampatigas Pre? Pare2: Diatabs? Pare1: Bakit diatabs? Pare2: Tigas nga yung tae Titi Pa.

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER:
Mang Ernie, pare pareho po ba ang timbang ng mga ari ng babae matambok man o hindi???
Sagot ni Ernie Baron: Pareho lahat yan, TIG IISANG GUHIT LANG…

Dalawang bakla ang nag-kasabay ng sakay sa dyip.Panay ang irapan at parinigan:
1st Bakla: Mamang tsuper, eto ang bayad- Baclaran!!!
Akala nung isang bakla e pinariringan siya kaya:
2nd Bakla: Mamang tsuper,eto ang bayad-BAKLA RIN!!!

DOC 1 : Hayop yung suso ng pasyente ko kanina,ga-melon.
DOC 2 : Mas hayup yung hiyas ng pasyente ko,ga-manga!!
DOC 1 : Ganuon kalaki?
DOC 2 : Hindi, ganuong "KAASIM"

LOLA : Paraaaa!!!
DRIVER : Apay, lola?
LOLA : Makais-isbu ak!
DRIVER : Kunayo nga makaisbu kayo laeng, immuttot kay pay!
LOLA : Barok, no adda tudo, adda gurruod!

Intsik: Bili kayo panty. Kapag sinuot ito, hindi kayo mabubuntis.
Babae: Bigyan mo ako ng tatlo. 3 months later, galit si
babae: Bakit ako nabuntis?
Intsik: Baka hinubad mo!

ERAP: “I have a brain cancer. Yehey!!!”
Ramos: “That’s delicate, how come you’re still happy?”
ERAP: “Now I know I have a brain pala!!!
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Marcial Mendoza Busilan
10/23/2008 10:47:00 PM
Ala man ngarud kabsat ng Lasengo ta nabayagen nga di nakaramraman toy karabukob kon iti arak...atay kuma papaitan iti baka nga ada atatapaw ruot jay sabaw na....mas naganganas ti panagpapatang nu adda ginebra nga pagsasanguwan
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Isidro Racuya Lozano
10/25/2008 9:07:00 PM
ANAK: Tay, penge pera may project kasi na pinapagawa nang titser ko. Bibili ako ng cocomban.

TATAY: Ano! ang tanda mo na cocomban pa rin ang tawag mo!

ANAK: Ano po ba ang tama?

TATAY: Bomb Paper!
_______

Nagpadal si Dodong ng Balikbayan box sa Pinas. Pagkalipas ng dalawang buwan sumulat ang kanyang inay at ito ang laman ng sulat.

Dear Dodong,

Sa susunod anak, Nido non-fat na lang ang ipadal mo sa tatang mo. Nagtatae kasi siya sa pinadala mong Nivea Cream Milk.

Nagmamahal,
Yong Inay
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Marjorie
10/25/2008 9:27:00 PM

Umakyat ng bundok ang grupo ng army rangers.Nakakita ng mangyan yung pinaka kapitan.
Kapitan: manong, magtatanong lang may nakita ba kayo dito pugad ng NPA?
Mangyan: ha! matagal tagal na din kami dito pero wala pa kami nakikita pugad ng NPA
Kapitan: oras na makakita kayo pagbigay alam nyo agad sa amin.
Mangyan: Oo...teka ano ba kulay itlog nila ser!

naliligo c jay nakalimutan ang twalya!
jay : inday pki kuha ung twalya sa kwarto ko kc nkalimutan ko>>
paghatid na ni inday ng twalya kay jay ay nakita nya ang ari nito..
inday : sir totoo plang ang talong pg tumatanda ay nagigigng ampalaya!!
hihihi jejejeje



Matanda ka na kung
• kung ayaw mo nang sumama sa mga bata.
• kung ang lahat ng kasu-kasuhan mo ay tila masakit.
• kung ano ang hindi masakit ay ayaw ng gumalaw.
• kung alas-kuwatro pa lamang ng umaga ay gising ka na.
• kung ang tinitingnan mo sa pagkain ay ingredients.
• kung binibilang mo ang calories o fats ng iyong pagkain.
• kung tumatanda na ang mga anak mo.
• kung nag-enroll ka sa fitness gym, pero hindi naman nagpupunta.
• kung nakakalimutan mo ang susi mo sa kotse o sa loob ng bahay.
• kung alam na alam mo naman ang lahat subalit walang nagtatanong saiyo.
• kung pinapatay mo ang ilaw hindi dahil sa ikaw ay malambing kundi dahil nagtitipid ka ng kuryente.
• kung nagliliwanag na ang iyong bumbunan.
• kung ayaw mong maniwalang may guhit na ang noo mo.
• kung ang kati-kati ng likod mo subalit hindi mo makamot dahil hindimo maabot.
• kung sa pagyuko mo ay lumalagutok ang iyong likod.
• kung ipinauulit mo ang pangalan ng bago mong kaibigan.
• kung hindi mo na pinaghahandaan ang susunod mong kaarawan.
• kung inaaway ka ng asawa mo sa araw ng kanyang kaarawan.
• kung nakalimutan mo na ang anibersaryo ninyo ng asawa mo.
• kung nakakalimutan mong i-flush ang banyo pagkatapos mong gamitin.
• kung nakakalimutan mong itaas muli ang iyong zipper pagkatapos mong gamitin ang banyo.
• kung ang paborito mong bisita ay ang iyong duktor.
• kung ang pinakaayaw mong bisita ay ang health insurance company.
• kung natutuwa kang magbasa ng legend stories o nanonood ng history channel.
• kung ang paborito mo pa ring artista ay laos na.
• kung ang kaparis ng iyong medyas ay kulay pula.
• kung may salamin ka na ay hindi pa rin makakita.
• kung nakakalimutan mo na ang birthday ng iyong biyenan.
• kung si Jaworski pa rin ang paborito mong basketbolista.
• kung naiinip ka na sa harapan ng stop lights.
• kung dumidikit ang iyong ngipin sa malagkit mong pagkain.
• kung sa pagdarasal mo ay nauuna ang Amen sa Ama Namin


May magkasintahan nagsa-star gazing:
BF : Luv, anong zodiac sign mo?
GF : Zodiac sign? Ano yon?
BF : Yung Horoscope mo. Gaya ko, sa 'kin Cancer.
GF : Ah, ganun? Sa 'kin Almoranas!


Biglang umulan ng malakas habang naglalakad
si Pitong kaya't nakisilong muna sya sa
isang bahay. "Amang, mukhang gutom na
gutom ho kayo, bakit di ho muna kayo
kumain ng niluto kong kamote", sabi kay
Pitong ng tinuluyan. Ayun nga, lumamon
sya ng lumamon. *burp* , tunog nya.
"Ito at tumila na ang ulan, maraming
salamat sa lahat." sabi ni Pitong.
Malapit na sya ng bahay ng kanyang matanaw
ang kanyang misis. "Honey, bakit ngayon
ka lang?, eh hindi na nga bale, halika
at meron akong surprise sa 'yo". Nilagyan
ni misis ng blinfold si Alfred. "Hwag na
hwag kang sisilip kahit anong mangyari,
kungdi ay lagot ka sa akin!" Pumasok na
silang dalawa sa loob at sinarado na ang
pinto ng biglang nag-ring ang telepono.
"O Honey, wait lang muna ha, sagutin ko
tong phone, remember, hwag sisilip!"
Naiwan na si Pitong pero biglang sumakit
ang kanyang tyan, siguro ito ay dahil sa
paglamon nya ng kamote. tinaas nya ang
kanyang paa at doon nilabas ang masamang
hangin, prrtttt....kasing amoy ng bagok na
itlog. Pinaypayan nya ito para hindi maamoy
ng kangyang misis. bratat tat tat tat tat tat....nautot na naman sya, kaya sige paypay
na naman. sige lang at utot sya ng utot
dahil di nya mapigilan. "Bye" rinig nya
galing sa boses ng kanyang misis, so
pinigilan na nya ang pag-uutot. "hindi
ka ba sumilip???" sambit ni misis.
"hindi ah!, hinding hindi". "okay ngarud,
mabuti naman" (si misis uli). "Buksan mo
na ang blindfold mo"
binuksan na nya, at nandoon nakabulagta
ang sampung bisitang nakaupo sa paligid nya. "SURPRISE!!!!" sabi ni misis.



Pagkatapos kumain ng isang mama, kaagad itong tumayo palabas ng restaurant ng dipa nagbabayad
May-ari: Hoy! Wag ka munang lumabas, bayaran mo muna kinain mo.
Pulis: Bakit, di mo'ko kilala? Pulis ako!
May-ari: Bakit ang liit ng t'yan mo?!
Pulis: Bago palang ako eh!



Anak: Tays! Kains na tayos!!!
Tatay: Gago!!! Tigilan mo ang kakalagay ng "s" sa salita mo!!! Ano ba ulam?
Anak: Inigang na bangu na may ibuya at kamati... hmmm... arap ng abaw!!!
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Las Eng Go
10/25/2008 11:18:00 PM
hay na gayyem nga Marcial, itagay mon ah, apo unayen, urayak met la makaut-uttoten ti kapapaggaak kadagiya SURPRISE yo nga pakpakatawan.

Gayyem nga Isidro neh ishot mo man pay datoy sanga baso nga GIN COLA tapno namaymayat ti panagkakatawa tayo.

Ba'sang Marjorie, mang kammet ka latta metten ah iti dayta pulutan mi nnga mani, ta makapauttot met dayta SURPRISE JOKE mo...bwah ha ha ha.....pangur-urayan tayo ken ni Pareng Pitz.
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Las Eng Go
10/25/2008 11:20:00 PM
hay na gayyem nga Marcial, itagay mon ah, apo unayen, urayak met la makaut-uttoten ti kapapaggaak kadagiya SURPRISE yo nga pakpakatawan.

Gayyem nga Isidro neh ishot mo man pay datoy sanga baso nga GIN COLA tapno namaymayat ti panagkakatawa tayo.

Ba'sang Marjorie, mang kammet ka latta metten ah iti dayta pulutan mi nnga mani, ta makapauttot met dayta SURPRISE JOKE mo...bwah ha ha ha.....pangur-urayan tayo ken ni Pareng Pitz.
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Mureng
10/26/2008 4:56:00 AM
HA HA HA ....UMAYAK MAN MET MAKIKATKATAWA KADAKAYO KAKABSAT...HUSTO DIAY KUNA NI LAS ENG GO NGA URAY LA INANG-ANGIN TOY TIYAN KO TI KAKAKATAWA KADAGITA ESTORIA YO DITA NGATO....MAKAPAUTTOT.

TUMAGAYAK MAN MET KAKABSAT....
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agsisiim
10/27/2008 1:53:00 AM
Hehehehe hohohoho..makapakatawa nga talaga dagita estorya yo..hooo..pooott..ne naka-ottottak metten...lakay pitong ayan aya tay trono ditoy abong mo nakapultitak sa metten addan sa naisorrot tay immottotak kaka...hehehehe
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agsisiim
10/27/2008 1:54:00 AM
Hehehehe hohohoho..makapakatawa nga talaga dagita estorya yo..hooo..pooott..ne naka-ottottak metten...lakay pitong ayan aya tay trono ditoy abong mo nakapultitak sa metten addan sa naisorrot tay immottotak kaka...hehehehe
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Mureng
10/27/2008 2:50:00 AM
ha ha ha...kabsat nga Agsisiim...no bimmokol dayta ottot mo cgurado ngaq adda pasorot na dayta nga nabasa...ha ha ha

adda man met estoriak:

CHICKBOY: ading nagpintas kan,

IBYANG: thank you manong.

CHICKBOY: di la mabalin ti umay agarem diay balayyo? SINGLE ka kadi pay ading?

IBYANG: saan nga mabalinen manong, adda SIDECAR kon.
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Isidro Racuya Lozano
10/27/2008 5:14:00 PM
Ni Geronimo, sobra ti laing na, ngem switik isuna. Nag-apply nga "blacksmith", uray no awan ammo na. Maysa nga aldaw imbaga ni boss na nga agaramid ti martilyo a nalagda. Inusar na diay ulona, tapno maswitikakan na ni boss na ket inlibas na ti napan gimmatang ti martilyo diay tiendaan, talaga nga napintas. Inpasikat na pay kenni boss na.

Napnek ni boss na iti kinapintas diay martilyo, tinapiktapik na pay sa na kinuna "AGARAMID KA MAN PAY NGARUD TI SINGKWENTA?"

__________

Ni Munding nakastrek a maysa a "room boy". Naminsan ket in-reklamoda idiay manager ti maysa nga babai.

BABAI: Daytoy "room boy" yo, awan man lat katok katok na linuktan na met lattan a dagdagusen diay ridaw san to simrek. Ngamin no nabannoganak ket iyilad ko lattan uray sila-lamolamo ak!

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Isidro Racuya Lozano
11/1/2008 4:49:00 PM
Ni Alfredo, nagapply idiay NASSCO. Dinamag da no adda experience iti makina.

ALFREDO: Wen Sir dag-dagus na nga inbaga. Pinball slot machine, kabisadok amin ida.

_________

Ni Alejo, nanglukat iti maysa nga "accounting office" na, adu nga talaga ti empleado na, adu a talaga. Asenso isuna. Di nga mabilang no manuda nga trabahador.

Dinamag ni gayyem na nga Munding no mano ti agtartarabaho diay opisina na.

ALEJO: Diak nga ammo pare, pero siguro kagudua!
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PITONG
11/6/2008 3:19:00 PM
naimbag nga bigat yo amin apo. pasensya kayon ta dida kayo nga napaspasangbay nga nasayaat ditoy abong tayo ta adu ti trabaho.

Binasak dagita poste yo dita ngato ket uray ,met la makaot-ottot dataon ti kakatawan. apo ISIDRO nakaay-ayat dagita pakatawa yo, kasta met kadakayo MARJORIE, MURENG ken MARCIAL.

UMAY KAYO LATTA MET MAKIKATKATAW A KABSAT NGA LAS ENG GO, MANG KULAS, GAYYEM NGA AGSISIIM KEN DAKAYO AMINDEN NGA UMAY SUMIRSIRIP DITOY ABONG TAYO. DUMANON KAYO LATTA APO.
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Isidro Racuya Lozano
11/9/2008 10:06:00 AM
Napan naghotel ni Osi. Intulod ti maysa a roomboy mapan idiay kuarto na.

OSI: Uray no probinsiano ak lang a ket saan nak koma met a luk-lokuen! Apay a kastoy met ti kuartok?!?! Nagbassitan awan kama ken tawa na?!?!

ROOMBOY: Sir, adda tayo pay la ditoy elevator mapan diay ngato...
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Bessie Relos Dupaya
11/11/2008 7:32:00 PM
Mang Isid kumusta kan? Long time no hear.
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Isidro Racuya Lozano
11/16/2008 4:45:00 PM
MEKANIKO: Sir, hindi ko po naayos preno ng kotse ninyo.

COSTUMER: Ha?! Paano na yan?

MEKANIKO: NIlakasan ko na lang po ang busina! Happy trip na lang po!
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Isidro Racuya Lozano
11/22/2008 7:54:00 AM
BART: Wow, pare, nagpintas met ta sapatos mon!

PITONG: "Wen. Sorpresa man ni kumarem daytoy!"

BART: "Sorpresa? Apay ania kad ti okasyon?"

PITONG: "Awan met. Nakitak lang daytoyen diay sirok ti kama mi itay tumingga ti rabii nga nagawidak!"
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Isidro Racuya Lozano
11/23/2008 7:02:00 PM
Dumating si Pitong galing sa China. Bumalik sa opisina kinabukasan.
Tinawag ang sekretarya.


PITONG: Halika sa stock room.

SECRETARY: Bakit po sir?

PITONG: Isara mo ang pinto.

SECRETARY: Naku sir, wag po!

PITONG: Patayin mo ang ilaw!

SECRETARY: Diyos ko po!

PITONG: Tingnan mo ang relo ko. Glow in the dark!
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Isidro Racuya Lozano
11/24/2008 6:06:00 PM
A boss,Pitong, is confused about his Math and asked his secretary:

PITONG: If I give you P3M less 17% how much would you take off?

Nagpanunot diay sekretarya na iti nauneg sa na kinuna

SECRETARY: Everything Sir! Dres, bra, panty!
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PITONG
12/7/2008 1:02:00 AM
kumusta kayo aminen apo. pasensya kayon no diak nga nakapasyar ditoy abong tayo ta dida met nga maisublin tay dati nga dotcom men, sobra met ti bontog nan ken nagrigat met ti agiposten, panay metten ti error on page. makabuisit metten ti aglog-in ditoy dotcom tayo.
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PITONG
12/31/2008 4:46:00 AM
Sa isang silid aralan:

GURO: gamitin ang salitang "ni" sa pangungusap.

JUAN: ang dali naman ma'am.

GURO: sige nga!

JUAN: nakapulot ako ng lapis.

GURO: asan yung "ni" ?

JUAN: daytoy "ni"


(intext man kaniak dayta ni LJ)
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PITONG
12/31/2008 4:48:00 AM
Sa isang silid aralan:

GURO: gamitin ang salitang "ni" sa pangungusap.

JUAN: ang dali naman ma'am.

GURO: sige nga!

JUAN: nakapulot ako ng lapis.

GURO: asan yung "ni" ?

JUAN: daytoy "ni"


(intext man kaniak dayta ni LJ)
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Jojo Erfe Mendoza
1/9/2009 8:49:00 PM
Para sa nagbabalak mag resign.....
Think about it...

Sa hirap maghanap ng trabaho sa panahon ngayon,
pati pag se-salesman ng vacumm cleaner ay pinasok
ko na.
Minsan, pumunta ako sa isang bahay sa isang
barangay. Kumatok ako sa pinto... Isang malaking
misis ang nagbukas sa akin. Pero bago
nakapagsalita ang babae, inunahan ko sya. mabilis
akong pumasok papunta sa sala nila para di na
makatangi sa presentation ko.
Katulad ng utos ng boss ko, binuksan ko ang isang
plastic bag ng sm at ibinuhos lahat ng lamang tae
ng kalabaw sa carpet. this was a technique taught
to me In selling to get a massive and immediate
attention from the buyer.
Sabi ko sa kanya w/ confidence: "Misis, pag di
nalinis ng vacuum cleaner ko NGAYON ang mga tae sa
carpet niyo, kakainin ko isa-isa yan!", ang
mayabang na sinambit ko.
"Gusto mo ng ketsup para diyan?", tanong ng babae.
Sabi ko, "Bakit po?"
"Eh, kalilipat lang namin. wala pa kaming
kuryente."
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Baliwegweg
1/10/2009 4:11:00 AM
dayta a ti paborito ni Jojo nga kanen, takki ti nuang......... isu vitamin na gagay-yem........... hayyyyyyyyyy
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Isidro Racuya Lozano
1/11/2009 7:22:00 PM
ANAK: Tatang igatangannak man ti ay-ayam ko nga trak trak, daytay pangkarera.

TATANG: (Ne kunak la ket no bakla daytoy anak ko). Pamay-am kad daytoy nga abal-balay mo nakkong?

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Isidro Racuya Lozano
1/11/2009 7:24:00 PM
ANAK: Tatang igatangannak man ti ay-ayam ko nga trak trak, daytay pangkarera.

TATANG: (Ne kunak la ket no bakla daytoy anak ko). Pamay-am kad daytoy nga abal-balay mo nakkong?

ANAK: Ilugan ko man ni BARBIE, tay munmunyekak tatang!

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PITONG
1/16/2009 10:55:00 PM
Agyamanak man apo SIDER ken JOJO ti anus yo nga umay agpaspasyar ditoy abong tayo. Happy New Year kadakayo amin nga kadp-ayan.

Gayyem nga BALIWEGWEG, nabayag met bassit nga dika dimmaw-as ditoy abong tayo. Adu ciguro ti obraem...haaaaaay
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PITONG
1/16/2009 10:59:00 PM
Agyamanak man apo SIDER ken JOJO ti anus yo nga umay agpaspasyar ditoy abong tayo. Happy New Year kadakayo amin nga kadp-ayan.

Gayyem nga BALIWEGWEG, nabayag met bassit nga dika dimmaw-as ditoy abong tayo. Adu ciguro ti obraem...haaaaaay
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Dr. Kwak
1/18/2009 9:52:00 AM
PULIS: Boss, konting abuloy lang, may namatay na kasama naming pulis.

INTSIK: Ako malaki migay amuloy masta alaw-alaw melon pulis paktay "oke..."
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Leo Beligan
1/18/2009 11:30:00 AM
Pitong, ading, kabsat, dila la mabalin nga uliten to manen tay kilawen nga kalding?
the best, nangruna no kaduata da Danny ken JRIC ken dagitay gagayyem tayo dita.
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Bart Ikero
1/18/2009 7:31:00 PM
Makapa-ambing tay panang-describe ni Attorney dayta kilawen a kalding. Ania ket ngatan nga imas nana kabsat. Sayang ta saanak a nakaumay. Inton maminsan laengen barbareng no dakkel ton tay kalding ni Pitong.
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Isidro Racuya Lozano
1/19/2009 9:02:00 AM
AFTER 50 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

URBANA: Mare, how's your sexlife?

DOLORES: Well, sa age ni pare mo, mukha na lang ang nagagalit, balahibo na lang ang tumatayo at ubo na lang ang matigas.

URBANA: Buti sa yo meron, ako wala!
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jem
1/20/2009 10:35:00 PM
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank
because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always
right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied,
"$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"
The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?" "Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."
"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."
"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very ! nervous about the bet
and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his
testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over
again and again until he was positive that no one could
consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman
arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and
acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the
president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one
made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to
drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and
asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the
president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against
the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that
and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada !"
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PITONG
1/21/2009 3:14:00 AM
Atorni , pad-padaanak man dayta nga kanito nga agkikita tayto manen, ket sapay koma ta kaduatayonton da Tang Ernie, Sutil, kent, Ni Apo Isidro ken Las Eng Go. Kasta met da Jric ken Danny. Bagikto manen ti maysa a kalding.

HE HE HE# mayat man dagita impostem imposteyo APO SIDER KEN JEM. pADAANAN MI PAY DAGITA DADDUMA NMGA PAKPAKATAWA YO.

aPAY NGAT NGA NAGHA-HANG DAYTOY COMPUTER KO COMPUTER KO NO SUMREKAK ITI DAYTOY NGA ABONG?
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Marcial Mendoza Busilan
1/21/2009 4:30:00 PM
kumuzta kayon padak a nangisit ti siko na?... naimbag nga baro a tawen tayo amin nga awan labas na
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Leo Beligan
1/21/2009 7:00:00 PM
APAY NAPANNA na ni panyero Kirdat, diyo la nasalapun dita amangan no nakaturog ketdi iti bartek nan.
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Leo Beligan
1/21/2009 7:03:00 PM
Dementia Quiz

Below are four ( 4 ) questions and a Bonus question to test your perception, reasoning and the quickness of your logical processing.
They are stated simply so you should try to answer them instantly.
To assure the accuracy of the results, you should not take your time , but instead, answer each of them immediately .

OK?



Let's find out just how clever you really are....



Ready? GO!!! (scroll down slowly to uncover Q's and A's )








First Question :

Y ou are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






Answer : If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely WRONG! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, YOU are in second place!

Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?



Second Question :
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~











Answer : If you answered that you are second to last, then you are ; ; ; ;WRONG again. Tell me Sunshine, how can you overtake the LAST person??


You're not very good at this, are you?




Third Question :
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator .
Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 Now add30 . Add another1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 . Now add 10 . What is the total?


Scroll down for the correct answer......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~








Did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100 ..



If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it ?

Maybe you'll get the last question right... Maybe..



Fourth Question :

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and ??? What is the name of the fifth daughter?







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary you retard! Read the question again!





Okay, now the Bonus round,
i.e., a final chance to
redeem yourself:



A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






It's really very simple
He opens his mouth and ask for it...
Does your employer actually pay you to think??
If so Do NOT let them see your answers for this test!


PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
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Isidro Racuya Lozano
1/21/2009 8:03:00 PM
MISTER:(nagbabasa ng diaryo) Ayon dito sa survey, ang lalaking may asawa ay mas mahaba ang buhay keysa lalaking walang asawa.

MISIS: Kay pasalamat ka at napangasawa mo ako.

MISTER: Kaya dapat humanap ako ng isa pang asawa para mas humaba ang buhay ko!
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abigail
1/22/2009 7:27:00 PM
IBANG POSISYON

Husband - Shall we try a different position tonight ?
Wife: that is a good idea dear ! ! ! doon ka sa may plantsahan at ako naman ang uopo sa sofa at manood ng tv.
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Monica Smith
1/23/2009 6:27:00 AM
Gayyem Pitong, mangaramidka ti number 2 ti balaymon ket narigat iti umuli, aglalo ket bumaket dataon.

Alaek man datoy a gundaway nga agyaman kenka, no awanka ngata ket kakaasi kami nga naglugan ti trisikel nga agsubli subli, bareng dumtengto ti aldaw ket agkikita tayo manen.

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Dr. Kwak
1/23/2009 9:24:00 PM
INTSIK: Bili kayo panty. Kapag sinuot ito, hindi kayo mabubuntis.

BABAE: Bigyan mo ako ng tatlo.

3 months later, galit ang babae at binalikan yung Intsik.
BABAE: Bakit ako nabustis, sabi mo noon hindi ako mabubuntis pag suot ko ang panty.

INTSIK: Eh, baka hinubad mo!
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jem
1/25/2009 10:38:00 PM
MADRE: Ano ang apelyido mo, iho?
SAKRISTAN: Alam nyo na ho yun sister, lagi nyo po yun hinahawakan.
MADRE: Susme! Bayag ang apelyido mo?!
SAKRISTAN: Sister naman, Rosario po.

Lumindol ng malakas noon...
Nagkagulo ang lahat at nag panic!
Sumigaw ang isang lalaki..."Katapusan na! Katapusan na!"
sumagot ang isa pang lalaki...
"Tanga! Akinse pa alang!"

PARI: Ang gustong magbigay ng donasyon sa simbahan, TUMAYO
pagtugtog ng organ. Sige iho, tugtog na.
ORGANISTA: Ano po ang tutugtugin?
PARI: Pambansang awit, iho.

After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl sa ari ng boy...
BOY: Gusto mo pa uli?
GIRL: Hindi, namimiss ko lang... Meron kase ako nito dati eh.

PARROT: Psst! Baho! Baho! Baho!
IKAW: Pag sinabi mo pa uli sa kin yan, papatayin kita!
D next day...
PARROT: Psst! Psst!
IKAW: O, Bakit?!
PARROT: Lam mo na yun!


ATE: Musta date mo sis? Epektib ba payo ko, siling labuyo sa nipples mo
para di ka galawin ng bf mo?
SIS: Hay naku Ate, palpak! Ginanahan pa lalo, bicolano pala!
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jem
1/25/2009 10:45:00 PM
Huwag Po Itay....

Nais kong ibahagi sa inyo ang namagitan sa amin ng aking itay isang gabi. Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang gabing iyon. Malakas ang ulan
noon nguni't maalinsangan ang simoy ng hangin.

Ako ay nagsusuklay sa aking silid, katatapos ko pa lamang maligo at nakatapis pa lamang noon . Narinig kong kumakatok si Itay sa aking pinto. Nang sagutin ko ang pagkatok niya ay sinabi niya na kailangan daw naming mag-usap at humiling na papasukin siya. Binuksan ko ang pinto at siya'y kagyat na pumasok sa aking silid.

Laking pagkagulat ko nang ipinid niya at susian ang pinto. Hinawakan ni Itay ang aking mga kamay, hinaplos-haplos niya ang aking buhok, ang aking mukha, pinaraan niya ang kanyang mga daliri sa aking kilay, sa aking mga pisngi,sa aking mga labi. Napasigaw ako.

"ITAY, huwag, huwag! Ako'y inyong anak! Utang na loob, Itay!" Nguni't parang walang narinig ang aking Itay. Ipinagpatuloy niya ang kanyang ginagawa. Ipinikit ko na lamang ang aking mga mata dahil ayaw kong makita ang mukha ng aking ama habang ipinagpapatuloy niya ang kanyang ginagawa sa akin.

Naririnig ko si Inay sumisigaw habang binabayo ang pinto at nagpipilit na ito'y buksan, "Hayop ka! hayop ka! Huwag mong gawin iyan sa anak mo! Huwag mong sirain ang kanyang kinabukasan".

Subalit wala ring nagawa si Inay, hindi rin siya pinakinggan ni Itay. Nanatili na lamang akong walang katinag-tinag at ipinaubaya ko na lamang ang aking sarili sa anumang gustong gawin ng aking Itay.

Pagkalipas ng ilang oras ay tumigil na rin ang aking Itay. Iniharap niya ako sa salamin ay ganoon na lamang ang aking pagkamangha at pagkagulat sa aking nakita. Magaling naman palang mag-make-up si Itay.

Nang gabing iyon ay nagtapat sa akin ang aking ama. Bakla pala siya. Labis akong nagalak sa galing at husay ng aking ama. Naisip ko na matutuwa ang aking boyfriend dahil lalo akong gumanda ngayon. Niyakap ko si Itay at pareho kaming napaluha sa labis na kagalakan. Masaya na kami ngayon at nabubuhay nang matiwasay.

Lovingly yours,

BADONG
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Patrick A. Gapusan
2/9/2010 1:21:00 PM
Naimbag nga aldaw yo amin, apo! umayak man met maki binnalbalatong ditoy tambayan yo.

Ni Marjory nga grade one ket nagawid nga agsangsangit ket kastoy ti impulong na kenni Monika nga ina na, "Mommy, waaah... nagpipinnakita kami ti mabagbagi kada Phitong ken Leon ket napan dak kinat-katawaan ta awan kano ti botok ta naputed idi mayanakak, hu hu hu!"
"Ay Marjory anak ko, di ammo da Phitong ken Leon ti isa sao da ta ubbing kayo pay laeng. Inton bigat kastoy ti ibagam kadakuada no katawaan da ka pay laeng gapu ti kina awan ti botom.........."
Kinabigatan na kastoy ti imbaga ni Marjory kenni Phitong ken Leon idi rugiyan da nga katawaan ta awan ti boto na. "Niyah, niyah, niyah, niyah, niyah!! Kuna ni nanang Monika saggaysa kayo laeng ti boto. No balasangak ton, uray kano kasano ti kaado nga boto ti kayat ko ket saan nga problema ta adun to ti lallaki nga agvoluntariyo nga mangited ti bot-boto da kaniak. Niyah, niyah, niyah, niyah, niyah!"
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Patrick A. Gapusan
2/9/2010 3:44:00 PM
Si Pitong na yata nag pinakamalas na nilalang sa buong mundo(at least that's what he thinks). Hindi na sana baleng pobre at pangit, kaso, napakaliit pa ang kaniyang ari.

Isang araw, sa derby ng karerang kabayo, habang nagkakalkal sa basurahan, nakapulot si Pitong ng lampara. Nililinis niya ito at nagulat na lang nung may biglag lumabas na genie na panay pasasalamat for his freedom from centuries of imprisonment inside the lamp. The genie showed his gratitude by granting Pitong three wishes.

Ang unang kahilingan ay kayamanang hindi na niya kayang ubusin kahit ten lifetimes of living luxuriously. No problem! Tinupad kaagad.

Pitong's second wish was to be as good looking as Brad Pitt and George Clooney put together. Again, walang problemo. Wish granted.

Maligayang maligaya pi Pitong at sa wakas ay wala nang problemang maghanap ng girlfriend....or two,....or however many he want.

"Para sa aking third wish" hiling ni Pitong sa genie, "ay gusto kong maging kasinlaki ang ari ko sa pag aari ng kabayong yun" habang itinuturo niya ang nangunguna sa karera. "Pero boss, Pitong, hindi yata bagay sa inyo ang ganung kalaking pag aari." hesitated the genie (Pilipino pa yata ang lintik na genie na ito, He he he). "Ah! Basta gusto kong tuparin mo your promise to grant every wish whether you like it or not!" The genie hesitantly granted Pitong's wish then left.

"OH SHHIIIIIIT!!! SHIT...SHIT...SHIT!!!" Screamed Pitong, este, Pitang while he, I mean, she was inspecting his, I mean her vagina.
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Patrick A. Gapusan
2/11/2010 8:39:00 AM
Naimbag nga lawas yo amin dita istambayan nga abong, apo!! I invited myself to join you para maki binnolastog ken makiriri kadagiti padak nga medyo adda bassit bagbagtit na a mammartek.
Malagip you ni Pitong who wished his genitals to be as large as the mare which he mistook for a stallion?? Well, he now have a vagina which he would'nt mind having except it was too large and ashame of it. His friends Leo, ERnie, Sider, Isidro and Mureng suggested na magpunta sa Aremica para magpa penis implant sa most prestigious and modern hospital specializing in transgender surgical procedures.
off Pitong went to Aremica straight to the hospital where he was shown lahat na klase ng titi. Sa dinamidami ng pag pipilian ay may nagustuhan siyang naiiba sa lahat. the doctors were kinda hesitant because it was a very difficult and complicated operation. Since "the customer is always right" is a policy of the hospital, the doctors went ahead and attached Pitong's penis of choice.
The operation was a success and the doctors, specially Pitong were satisfied with the outcome.
Pitong was very napakaligaya dahil lahat ng partner niya sa sex ay very satisfied and always coming back for more. There is, are, problems though that are nakakahiya. Everytime he passes by a fire hydrant he could'nt resist sniffing it ken maka isisbo. Ti pay maysa nga nakababain ket uray 'yan na nga suli no umisbo masapul nga nakangato ti maysa nga saka na.
For his surgical follow up, he ask the doctors why he has to sniff every fire hydrant ne pass by and have the urge to take a leak and that he have to raise a leg to do so.
the doctors, all at the same time, said "The penis that you insisted to be attached to you belonged to a German Police dog"
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MILIG
2/11/2010 1:08:00 PM
hi hI hi !!!!!!!
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PITONG
2/12/2010 12:49:00 AM
HU HU HU!!!!

Patrick, nagpanawan daytoy nga abongen, limmabasak ngamin isu nga nakitak nga nakalukat diay tawa ken ruangan na, adda kay gayam ken ni MILIG nga aggargarikgik. Umay kay diay baro nga abong ta painumen kayo ti basi....

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Patrick A. Gapusan
2/12/2010 9:40:00 AM
Sir Pitong, no nagpanawan daytoy nga abong, kasano ngarud nga maki-inom kami ti basi no di mi met ammo ti address ti baro nga abong?? Happy Valentines day kadakayo amin dita baro nga abong, apo, aglalo kadagiti padak nga mammartek ken uray dagiti sober!!!! Wala akong Valentine this time but I hope to have one next year. Pinag pili nak daydi valentine ko between her and a gallon of a five-year-old basi.......
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narvacaneo
2/17/2010 7:13:00 PM
naimbag nga oras tay amin apo umay nak man met makiinisturya dtoy kalapaw ni kabagis ko nga pitong. maysa nga aldaw nag surat ni maria ken lakay na nga adda iti abroad. maria: nakapagsurat nak kenka lakay tapno maamuam met ti nagbanagan ti kuwarta nga impawpaw it mo kanyak ti unos ti duwa nga tawen nga adda ka ti abroad. malagip mo kadi dyay bassit nga balay ta itatta mansionen, dyay sari sari store ta itatta grocerin, ni bunso nga pinanawam dakkelen adda pay ading nan.
agay ayat,
Maria.

maysa nga lalaki ti nangitable ti maysa nga waitress.
lalaki: miss ang ganda mo.
waitress: salamat po sir.
lalaki: napaka sexy mo.
waitress: salamat po sir:
lalaki: napalaki ng boobs mo.
waitress: salamas po sir.
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Leo Beligan
9/9/2016 8:15:00 PM
aprob
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lintik
9/9/2016 9:09:00 PM

I was checking out at the busy super market, and the cashier was having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner malfunctioned, and finally the cashier spilled a handful of coins. When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22.

Trying to soothe her nerves, I said, "That's a nice round figure."

Still frazzled, she glared at me and said, "You're no bean pole yourself."
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apdo
9/23/2016 5:55:00 AM
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.

When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."

God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said?

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get the email either.
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lintik
9/30/2016 7:51:00 PM
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
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lintik
9/30/2016 7:52:00 PM
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, “Doctor,doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”
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lintik
9/30/2016 7:53:00 PM
The way I see it, EVERY FRIDAY is Good Friday.
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lintik
9/30/2016 7:54:00 PM
Love
In one of his "best-seller" books, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer has written a chapter on what he calls "spiritual love." He says,
At the center of purposeful relationships is love. But is is more than simply being able to say the words "I love you," for these words are used by people who also berate and harm each other on a daily basis. Love is giving and it has nothing to do with what you receive. Love is an inner process that you bring to a relationship -- a relationship that has love in the giving sense as its cornerstone.
To love is the most important thing in life. But what do we mean by love?
When you love someone because that person loves you in return, surely that is not love. To love is to have that extraordinary feeling of affection without asking anything in return. You may be very clever, you may pass all your examinations, you may get a doctorate and achieve a high position, but if you have not this sensitivity, this feeling of simple love, your heart will be empty and you will be miserable for the rest of your life.
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lintik
9/30/2016 7:55:00 PM
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains
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abigail
10/20/2016 8:11:00 PM
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.??"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."??"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."??A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"???Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.??Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.??The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:??1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;??????2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;??????3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; ????????and?? 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it. ????????(THIS GETS BETTER!)??The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:??1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on????2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;????3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem;????and??4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.?????????????????????????????????? ?The women won????Send this to all the smart women you know...and all the men that have a good sense of humour!
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abigail
11/6/2016 7:14:00 AM
Wedding Rehearsal
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, “As you give your daughter’s hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him.”
The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride’s hand on his son-in-law’s arm and said. “No deposit, no return.”
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apdo
11/14/2016 7:56:00 PM
The Email
The mother-in-law arrives home from the mall to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
“What happened ?” she asks anxiously.
“What happened!! I’ll tell you what happened.
I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my business trip.
I get home… and guess what I found ?
Yes, your daughter, my wife , with a naked guy in our marital bed!
This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I’m done. I’m leaving forever!”
“Calm down, calm down!” says his mother-in-law. ”
There is something very odd going on here.
My daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation.
I’ll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened.”
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
” I told you there must be a simple explanation ….. she didn’t receive your E-mail!
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apdo
11/14/2016 7:57:00 PM
Trip to the Dentist
A man goes to the dentist with some broken front teeth.
The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds, saying: “My wife cooked some chicken and flatbread but the bread was very hard and stiff.”
The dentist replied: “You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it.”
To which the man responds: “Man, that’s exactly what I did!”
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abigail
11/15/2016 6:48:00 PM
A seventy-five-year old man went to the doctor's office for his annual physical checkup. The doctor was greatly impressed with the man's superb condition. He said, "You have the body of a man twenty-five years younger. What is the secret of your extraordinarily good health?"
The man replied, "When I was married 50 years ago, my wife and I agreed never to fight. We both hate to quarrel. So whenever things began heating up and it looked as though we were going to have a fight, she would stay in the house and I would go out for a long walk.
Consequently, I attribute my good health to the fact that for fifty years I've lived pretty much of an outdoor life."
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cirenia
12/1/2016 9:01:00 PM
Believe in WORK Not in LUCK.
Trust in God but don’t be depended on him …
The Best “om” is home !!
The Best “age” is courage !!
The Best “mile” is smile !!
The Best “stand” is understand !!
The Best “end” is friend !!
The Best “day” is today !!….
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lintik
12/10/2016 8:15:00 AM
Funeral Procession
A funeral procession made its way down the road. Six close members of the family were carrying the coffin between them. On top of the coffin was a fishing line, a net, and some bait.
A passer-by remarked: "He must've been a very avid fisherman."
"Oh, he still is," remarked another, "He's off to the river as soon as they've buried his wife."
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lintik
12/10/2016 8:16:00 AM
Beer
Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
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lintik
12/10/2016 8:17:00 AM
A Doctor of Psychology
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient #1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh , he's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb."
The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down before he hurts himself."
Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
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apdo
12/12/2016 6:53:00 PM
A man was walking down the street when he came upon a brothel. He noticed a couple having sex on the lawn. He saw another couple behind a tree and two more behind some bushes.

He walked up to the brothel, knocked on the door and asked what in the world was going on with all the sex on the lawn.

"Oh, that," said the madam. "We're having a yard sale."
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lintik
1/6/2017 6:14:00 PM
A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery and the day after the procedure, a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing. The friend was amazed at the number of Nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc. "Why all the attention ?" the friend asked. "You look fine to me."

"I know " grinned the patient. "But the Nurses kinda formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches."
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Leo Beligan
1/18/2017 7:39:00 PM
Three Englishman go into a pub. They sit down at a small round table and order three warm beers. They're sitting there drinking them when one of them notices an Irishman at the bar.
"See that Mick over there? I'm gonna go rile him up." So he goes over to him and says "Hey mate I hear your Saint Patrick was a pussy!"
The Irishman looks up from his beer and says "Ye don't say? Thanks for tellin me."
The Englishman goes back to his pals.
"Let me give it a try," says the next guy. He goes over to the Irishman and says "Hey mate, I heard your Saint Patrick was a transvestite!"
The Irishman looks up from his beer. "Well fancy that! Thanks for the information my boy!"
The Englishman slinks back to his seat.
"You guys don't know how to tick off an Irishman!" The third guy says. "Watch this." He goes over to him and says "Hey pal I heard Saint Patrick was English!"
The Irishman turns to him and says "Yeah that's what yer buddies were tellin me!"



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cirenia
1/22/2017 10:07:00 AM
SEX AT KULANGOT"
Anak: Ma, bakit po maraming nasasarapan sa sex?
Mama: Dahil sa kiliti o sensation, katulad ng nararamdaman mo kapag nangungulangot ka.
Anak: Bakit naman po mas nasasarapan ang babae kesa sa lalaki sa sex?
Mama: Tulad ng pangungulangot mo, mas nasasarapan ang ilong kesa sa daliri mo.
Anak: -.- Eh bakit naman ayaw ng mga babae ang nirarape?
Mama: Halimbawa naglalakad ka tapos may lumapit sayo at biglang kinalikot ang ilong mo magugustuhan mo ba?
Anak: Whahahah! Eh bakit naman ayaw makipagsex ng babae kapag may regla?
Mama: Andami mo namang tanong bata ka! Kapag dumudugo ba ilong mo mangungulangot kapa ba?
Anak: Bakit ayaw po ng mga lalaki ang condom?
Mama: Ikaw Nak, gusto mo bang mangulangot na may guwantes sa daliri?
Anak: (wtf) hahaha. Ano ba yang mga sagot mo Ma, jusko! Eto na last na 'to Ma. hehehe.
Mama: Sige,ano yun?
Anak: Bakit sa pribadong lugar ginagawa ang sex?
Mama: Kaya mo bang mangulangot sa harap ng maraming tao?
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cirenia
1/22/2017 10:10:00 AM
A man goes to the bar and asks for three bottles of beer. He starts taking one by one.* the waiter asks him why he ordered for three bottles. The man said; we are three friends but everyone stays in a different city but we decided that whenever anyone drinks beer, he drinks for others too. This went on for many years. One day the man came and ordered for two bottles. The waiter was sad that he asked him whether one of the friends had passed away. The Man replied: no, it’s just that for me I quit drinking.
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abigail
2/7/2017 4:18:00 PM
What is the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
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