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THE PROFESSIONAL HECKLER

Leo Beligan
11/24/2010 7:58:00 PM

kankanayonko nga basbasaen daytoy blog ti kabsat nga nangisit ti sikona. makapabang-ar, makaliw-liwa. Isut gapuna nga dimmawat iti pammalubos kenkuana. Agyamanak unay iti pannangtedna iti pammalubos nga ipostek ditoy dap-ayantayo


Sungsungbat/Komentario

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Leo Beligan
6/12/2014 9:43:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
OF PRIVILEGE SPEECHES, SEX VIDEOS AND HEARTBREAK
by professionalheckler

IN A PRIVILEGE SPEECH last Wednesday, Jinggoy Estrada repeated, “Hindi ako magnanakaw.” Filipinos reiterated, “Hindi kami naniniwala.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1j.jpg
Addressing his four children, Jinggoy Estrada said, “Janella, Jolo, Julian at Jill, lagi ninyong tatandaan ang mga pangaral ko sa inyo: magkaroon kayo ng takot sa Diyos.” And his children replied, “You first.”

As expected, Jinggoy Estrada accused investigating agencies and the media of being "selective." He then identified some politicians who allegedly misused their PDAF too - officially making him the kamikaze of pork barrel scam. If I'm going down, you're coming with me.

Unlike his close friend Bong Revilla, Jinggoy Estrada neither sang nor played a music video during his privilege speech. He annoyed his critics by his mere presence.

Jinggoy Estrada’s lawyer says the prosecution won’t be able to show proof that he got P183 million in pork barrel kickbacks. In other news, probers can’t also show proof that MH370 crashed. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Jinggoy’s wife Precy, his sister Jackie, and brother Jude were also present in the Senate to support him. Jinggoy expressed sadness that he and his wife wouldn’t be able to celebrate their next anniversary together. To which Jackie Ejercito-Lopez said, “Kami rin.”

http://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/untitled.jpg#BongPanis
After getting flak from netizens for his histrionics last Monday, Bong Revilla clarified that his music video was produced not for the offended netizens but for some 20 million people who voted him into office. In his defense, Revilla wasn't insulting the intelligence of those 20 million Filipinos. He was assuming they didn’t have any.

To be fair to Bong Revilla, after his controversial speech, he did apologize to netizens. Here’s hoping that the next apology will be directed at taxpayers.

According to Malacañang’s own research team, 99.93 percent of online comments on the privilege speech were posted by Bong haters. The rest were posted by Bong’s composer and lyricist.

Malacañang said 99.93 percent of comments from 2,751 online respondents were anti-Bong Revilla. This begs the question, “May time pa talagang magbasa at magbilang ang Malacañang?!”

Shots Fired
In an apparent swipe at Bong Revilla, Jinggoy Estrada and probably ER Ejercito, President Aquino, in his Independence Day address, said Filipinos should vote for genuine leaders NOT actors, singers or dancers. In this day and age, how can you tell the difference?

Sex Video
Reports say Sandra Cam is threatening to release a purported sex video of Justice Sec. Leila De Lima. What is wrong with this Sandra Cam? Who gave her the idea that we wanted to see Leila De Lima in a sex video?

http://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/leila1.jpgKris, Again
While the whole nation was talking about Bong’s and Jinggoy’s rants, Kris Aquino took to Instagram to announce that she’s heartbroken. Nice try. Ok, back to the speeches…

PBB All Out
The MTRCB has ordered reality show ‘Pinoy Big Brother All In’ to issue an apology for its controversial ‘nude painting’ episode, earlier described by Sen. Pia Cayetano as an “assault to the dignity of women” and by Sen. Nancy Binay as an “irresponsible and insensitive act.” On Wednesday night, the producers apologized but insisted that the ‘nude painting’ task was just a test of convictions, values, and ratings.

'Pinoy Big Brother' has apologized for its 'nude painting' episode. The show should also apologize for triggering its viewers' inner jejemon.

I've always barred my nieces from watching PBB. There's something about that program that makes me cringe. The 'masa' viewers like it though. PBB is the Bong Revilla of TV shows.
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“No one believes a liar. Even when he's telling the truth.”
~Sara Shepard, ‘Heartless’

Sound Bites
“Kung mayroon man akong hindi napaligaya sa aking privilege speech, tayo ay humihingi ng paumanhin sa kanila. Iyong awitin na iyon ay inihandog ko sa 20 milyong kataong sumuporta sa akin.”
~Bong Revilla to critics

“I reviewed the video of the speech on YouTube, and read the text twice to get a sense of where it was going. But I could not comprehend the speech’s basic thrust. Its tone was alternately accusatory and conciliatory. It sounded serious in some parts, struggling to rise above the shallow emotions, the clichés, and the air of righteousness that pervaded it. But in the end it drowned in its own pettiness, accompanied by the funereal strains of a maudlin farewell song.”
~Prof. Randy David, "The unbearable privilege of pettiness"

"Hindi natin kailangan ng magaling bumigkas ng script, mahusay sumayaw o kumanta. Pananagutan nating mag-iwan ng mas makatarungan at mas maunlad na Pilipinas kaysa ating dinatnan.”
~President Aquino, Independence Day speech

Poll Results
Ninety years old na si Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile. Dapat pa rin ba siyang arestuhin at i-detain sa Camp Crame?
-Oo naman! The law is the law. 89.79%
-Huwag na lang. House arrest na lang. 6.54%
-Pag-iisipan ko muna. 3.66%

Happy Independence Day!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever


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Leo Beligan
6/16/2014 6:55:00 AM
THE NEW LEADER of al-Qaeda, Egyptian Ayman al-Zawahiri is the world’s most wanted man today. In the Philippines, the most wanted list includes retired Gen. Jovito Palparan; former Palawan Gov. Joel Reyes and his brother, Mario; former congressman Ruben Ecleo, and Bong Revilla’s speechwriter.

According to Bong Revilla, he had actually prepared two speeches last week: one attacking the Aquino administration and another calling for unity. He chose the second, and he succeeded. Everyone was united in mocking him.

Bong Revilla revealed that he had prepared two speeches last week. Yes, he did prepare two: one attacking the administration, and another attacking our sensibilities.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1ts.jpgIncompetent
On Independence Day, President Aquino, without naming names, took a swipe at incompetent singers, dancers, and actors in politics. The next day Bong Revilla reacted. Confirmed.

Tagle’s Take
Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle says government officials who steal public funds are “thick-faced” and “insensitive.” In a joint statement, lawmakers insisted, “We’re not thick-faced and we’re not insensitive.”

Heckler
During the Independence Day celebration in Naga City, President Aquino was speaking when a 19-year-old leftist student from Ateneo De Naga interrupted him. The President felt so strange because whenever someone interrupts him, it’s usually Kris Aquino.

Reprimanded
An infuriated North Korean leader Kim Jong Un personally reprimanded his country’s weathermen for their failure to predict the weather. Kim Jong Un’s action was lauded by his top aides, his bodyguards, and President Aquino.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1mc.jpgAnti-Loneliness
Have you heard about Japan’s anti-loneliness café? According to CNN, the Moomin House Cafe seats solo diners with stuffed animal companions called ‘Moomins.’ The ‘anti-loneliness’ concept was such a hit, it will soon be adapted by other cities, countries, and Malacañang.https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1rr.jpgFather’s Day
June 15 was Father’s Day. It was a tiring day for Ramon Revilla Sr. who had to open 72 gifts.

Best-Seller
John Green’s novel, ‘The Fault In Our Stars,’ which was recently made into a movie, is a certified best-seller even in the Philippines mainly because of its relatable plot. ‘The Fault In Our Stars’ tells the story of an actor who wanted to augment his income by joining politics.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1vv.jpgWorld Cup
The FIFA World Cup opened earlier this week. Vuvuzelas are selling like hotcakes again. In case you didn’t know, vuvuzelas are plastic and produce a loud, annoying sound. That explains its more popular name: mother-in-law.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1im.jpgSeparated?
Former presidential daughter Jackie Ejercito and businessman Beaver Lopez have reportedly called it quits. Tabloid reports say Jackie is having an affair with Manila Vice Mayor Isko Moreno. The vice mayor has denied the allegation saying, “May asawa na ako.” To which, Bong Revilla reacted, “Eh ano naman?!”

Just Married
Veteran actress Boots Anson-Roa and lawyer King Rodrigo got married last Saturday, June 14. She is 69 and he is 75. What’s your excuse?
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“I would rather be a little nobody than to be an evil somebody.”
~Abraham Lincoln

“Papaano tayo makakatakbo kung nakakulong tayo? Pero malay mo, for the first time nakakulong pero nanalo pa."
~Bong Revilla on running for president in 2016

Elsewhere
Gina Apostol: Listening to Bong Revilla is worse than cancer
Randy David: The unbearable privilege of pettiness

Just So You Know

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1deped.jpg

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
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Leo Beligan
6/18/2014 6:21:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
WRECKING BONG
by professionalheckler

IF KRISSY had written and delivered the speech of Bong Revilla, it would have been like this. Probably.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1cb1.jpg
“HELLLLLO! I’m so happy to see you all. Promise. I’m so touched. As in!

Unang-una, sa mga supporters ko outside the Senate who are making sigaw and all, I like you naaa. Love n’yo ‘ko talagaaa. In fairness sa inyo huh - gumastos pa talaga kayo sa pamasahe from Cavite to the Senate para lang ipakitang love n’yo ‘ko. O, ba’t nakataas ang kilay mo Senator TG? I hate you! Sige na nga, I’ll admit it na. I paid for their transpo plus lunch and two sets of merienda. Gosh! I’m so honest na talaga. Feeling ko hindi ako si Bong aha-ha-ha.

Just so you know, I wrote two speeches for today. ‘Yong isa, I’ll make banat and sira Abad, Alcala, and President Aquino’s other kakampi. You know, damay-damay din, meron namang time. Sa other version, bait-baitan muna ako. Mas bet ko actually ‘yong una. Kaya lang, pagdating ko rito, sabi ni Lani, “Pa, tama na. Last mo na ‘yan so ‘wag nang masyadong nega.” Alam mo naman ‘pag si Kumander na ang nagsalita, follow na lang ako. So heto na nga, version 2 ang babasahin ko sa inyo.

Makinig ka President Aquino! First, gusto kitang i-remind na two years ka na lang sa office. Thank God! As in thank God! So ka ‘wag nang masyadong stubborn, ok? Heto ang advice ko sa ‘yo:

Pababain ang crime rate.

Pakainin ang mga poor.

Bigyan ng matitirhan ang victims ng typhoon.

Ayusin ang service sa NAIA.

Ipagamot ang mga less fortunate na may sakit.

Create more jobs… as in maraming, marami. Mga millions of trabaho.

And pababain ang presyo ng bilihin.

There! I’m sure, ine-nega mo na naman ako at sasabihing grandmotherhood statements ang mga sinabi ko. Care bears! Ang importante, gets ako ng mga loyal supporters ko. ‘Tsaka please lang Noy, tama na ang siraan, tama na ang sisihan. Love, love, love na lang!

Oh, before I forget, kayong mga nasa media, you’re so unfair! Wala na kayong nakita kundi kami nina Manong Johnny at Pareng Jinggoy. Paano naman ‘yong iba? Kami lang ba ang nagnakaw? Nakakaloka kayo!

Mr. President, bago ako magtapos, meron muna akong list. As promised, bonggang-bonggang list ito! Kumpleto at walang cover up!

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1bb1.jpg
Una sa list si Lord. Kung wala ka Lord, baka bumigay na ako sa sobrang stress. Kaya lang, bakit gano’n Lord? Nagpunta na ako sa Jerusalem to pray pero deadma ka pa rin? Hay naku Lord, ayaw ko ng ganyan. ‘Pag napikon ako sa ‘yo Lord, tatanggapin ko ang offer ng kalaban mo. Ikaw rin. Don’t test me! Lord.

Pangalawa… my wives, excuse me, my wife pala. Singular. Aha-ha-ha Ma, thanks ulit for the love and patience kahit may kahati ka. Joooke! Tandaan mo, kahit ‘di ka beauty queen, reyna ka pa rin sa bahay natin. Todo na ‘to to the highest level! Aha-ha-ha!

And lastly, to some of my colleagues…

Senator Jinggoy: Iba ka talaga friendship. ‘Yong iba, ‘di pa nakukulong, ikaw naman, makakadalawa na. Winnnner! Aha-ha-ha

Senator Chiz: I heard, ‘di pa kayo ok ng parents ni Heart. ‘Buti nga! Bigla raw akong na-sad. I’ll pray for you. Promise.

Senator TG: Ayokong maging plastic. Hate na hate kita!

Senator Alan Peter: Isa ka pa! Tseh!

Senator Nancy: ‘Dinig ko kay Darla, ikaw raw ang sunod na ipapasok sa Bahay ni Kuya. Nude painting ang task at pupuwersahin ka. Kaloka.

Senator Miriam: Hay naku. Absent ka na naman.

Senator JV: Isa lang ang pakiusap ko sa ‘yo at sa kapatid mong si Jinggoy: Pwede bang mag-diet kayo?

Senate President Drilon: Ikaw rin!

Senator Bam: Wala lang. 'Di pa tayo close.

To Vice President Binay: Malapit na po ang halalan. Pwede naman akong mag-slide sa VP kung kinakailangan. Alam mo na!

To former President Arroyo, maraming salamat ma’am for being my mentor. Grabe talaga, I learned a lot from you. Seryoso!

To Jenny Napoles… be strong. Two years lang naman ang kalbaryo natin. After 2016, keri nang lahat Mare. I miss you naaa.

Senator Lapid: My gosh, Leon Guerrero, I can’t believe it. Makukulong ako ‘tapos ikaw, hindi? Grabe. ‘Di ko talaga kinakaya. I hope you’re next. Ang bad ko ‘noh? Aha-ha-ha

Senator Enrile: I admire your courage Manong. Sabi mo kasi you’re not afraid na makulong for the rest of your life. Of course! At your age?!? Aha-ha-ha!

Thank you nga rin pala sa mga showbiz reporters na never nang-iwan sa akin. Sa susunod na presscon… don’t you all worry… doble na ang sobre. Joooke!

At sa mahigit dalawampung milyong bumoto sa akin, I love you all. Sobra. Bongga kayo. We so deserve each other!

‘Wag kayong mag-alala, babalik ako. Hellller! Siyempre, may eleksyon pa ‘noh! Need ko pa rin ang votes n’yo! Kaya babalik ako!

Before I end, may surprise nga pala ako. Dahil tinanggihan ako sa ASAP, dito ko na lang ilo-launch ang aking bagong single and music video. It’s called, ‘Wrecking Bong.’ Believe it or not, ako ang sumulat nito. ‘Di kayo naniniwala? Fine. Eh ‘di hindi. Madali naman akong kausap. Pero ako mismo ang kumanta nito. Promise. This is about the pork barrel scam. Malinis ang aking conscience kaya 'di ako apektado ng lyrics. Tamaan na ang dapat tamaan. Basta, I am innocent!

Sweetheart, ready na ba ang ‘yong panyo? Maiiyak ka sa ginawa ‘kong ito. And I’m sure, our viewers too! Lights off please. Sana po magustuhan n’yo.

WRECKING BONG

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IHMbH4VGPs&w=350&h=197

We lie, we steal, we keep our pork
We take never asking why
We sign, she gives projects to us
A scheme no one could deny

Don’t you ever say, you would walk away
If you’re offered that sum
Don’t say no, just try; take the cash and smile
Lie, if Benhur names you.

Chorus
I come in like a wrecking Bong
Who always hit Abad, PNoy
All I wanted was to break their balls
But they used De Lima to wreck me
Yeah, she, she wrecked me

I come in like a wrecking Bong
Who really hates kalbong PNoy
All I wanted was to break his balls
But he used Conchita to wreck me
Yeah, she, she wrecked me.

-End of Speech-

http://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/kris4.jpgPlea
On his looming arrest due to non-bailable pork-related charges, Bong Revilla said, “Huwag naman sana tayong babuyin.” That was punny. [I hope he's aware of it.]

House Arrest
Both Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla who have repeatedly told the media they were ready to go to jail are now seeking (house) mansion arrest. If granted, that would be bad news - for 'No. 2' (if any).

UP Fight!
On June 18, 1908, the University of the Philippines was founded through Act No. 1870 of the Philippine Assembly. UP is now 106 years old – or as Gigi Reyes would say, “Pwede pa!”

Movie Trivia
Forty years ago, Ramon Revilla Sr. made this movie.
https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1cb.jpg
Prophetic.
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“We don't give our criminals much punishment, but we sure give 'em plenty of publicity.”
~Will Rogers

Sound Bites
“Strictly speaking, walang legal impediment sa gan’yan. The matter is actually addressed to his sense of delicadeza.”
~DOJ Sec. Leila De Lima on Bong Revilla’s presidential plan for 2016

Poll Results
Ano ang masasabi mo sa pagkakatalaga kay Manny Pacquiao bilang head coach sa PBA?
-I died. Lahat na lang pinasok?!? My gulay. 78.75%
-Why not? Mahilig naman sa basketball 'yan. 11.56%
-Wala 'yang alam sa pagku-coach ng professional basketball team. 9.69%

Justice for all taxpayers!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.



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Leo Beligan
6/20/2014 11:07:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
THE LAWMAKER AND THE SNATCHER
by professionalheckler

Journeys to Jail

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/0.jpg
Snatcher
Inakusahang nanghablot ng kwintas ng isang ale; halaga ng kwintas: halos P10,000
Senador
Inakusahang nagbulsa ng pera ng taumbayan; ang kabuuang halaga: P224.5M

Snatcher
Hinabol, tinugis, nakipaghabulan sa pulis
Senador
Tumawag sa chief of police; nakipag-usap tungkol sa pagsuko.

Snatcher
Pumasok sa mataong palengke; hinubad ang suot na t-shirt para ‘di makilala; nagpasikut-sikot, feeling action star ang pucha.
Senador
Nagpa-presscon. Nagsuot ng t-shirt: ‘Kakampi ko si Lord. Walang kokontra.’ Umiyak. Ang action star, nag-drama. (Pucha!)

Snatcher
Inabutan ng humahabol, tiklo! Nasampal pa. O, gago.
Senador
Nahirapang sumakay sa SVU. Ang dami kasing fans na gusto siyang makita. Magkabila ang hilera ng tao sa kalsada. Na-insecure ang Papa sa Roma.

Snatcher
Kinuyog ng taumbayan. Sinipa, dinuraan, sinuntok, sinikmuraan. Duguan. Snatcher kasi.
Senador
Dinumog ng reporters at mga tagahanga sa Sandiganbayan. Pinagpawisan. Maraming kinilig. Artista kasi.

Snatcher
Pinosasan. Kinaladkad patungo sa nanlilimahid na presinto. Hindi ka sikat. ‘Wag nang choosy.
Senador
Nag-file ng motion para makapamili ng detention facility. Siyempre, dapat malinis at cozy.

Snatcher
Kinunan ng fingerprints. Kinunan ng mugshots. Wasak ang mukha. Halos ‘di makilala.
Senador
Kinunan ng fingerprints. Kinunan ng mugshots. Fresh na fresh. Naka-smile pa. Pucha.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/mugshots.jpg
Snatcher
Diretso sa seldang pang-apatang preso, pero ang laman, disiotso.
Senador
Diretso sa bagong renovate na seldang tila unit ng condo. Solo!

Snatcher
Deadma kahit mala-sardinas ang kondisyon.
Senador
Biglang nagka-migraine, tumaas daw ang presyon. [Pucha!]

Snatcher
Nakatulog sa sobrang gutom.
Senador
May libreng food! Pritong bangus at ginisang munggo. Boom!

Snatcher
Umiyak ang asawa; paano na raw sila kakain ngayon?
Senador
Umiyak ang asawa… pero ‘di bale, nakatira pa rin naman sila sa mansyon.

Snatcher
Nag-isip-isip. Ang masamang ginawa, ‘di na raw uulitin.
Senador
Nag-isip-isip. Tuloy ang plano: Bong for President sa 2016.

[Pucha!]

Top 8 Movie Projects Rejected By Bong Revilla

No. 8: You’ve Got Jail

No. 7: Kakabakaba Ka Bong?

No. 6: Crame and Punishment

No. 5: Meet the Porkers

No. 4: Bukas Luluhod ang mga Talo

No. 3: Eat, Pray, Rob

No. 2: Live Free or Lie Hard

And the No. 1 movie project rejected by Bong Revilla…

Man of Steal
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"Treasures gained by wickedness do not profit."
~Proverbs 10:2

Sound Bites
“Lalabas ang katotohanan at maaabswelto tayo dito.”
~Bong Revilla, Imus, Cavite 6.19.2014

"We're accomplishing what some people said was a near impossible task: to have these big personalities who are perceived as untouchable finally prosecuted.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima

Have a great weekend Filipino taxpayers!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: ANC, Rappler, PNP]

professionalheckler

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Palsiit
6/21/2014 5:03:00 PM
makapagplilika ti pakaipupokam!!! anya metten! Agtakaodanto manen!
Ibuyaandala ti tv nga ikaro ti mano nga ribo. Ipagpatuloymo, galingmong pilipino .... Ipakitamo sa buong mundo --..huwag lang pagnananakao ng pera ng mga tao....kawawa naman mga tao!!!
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Leo Beligan
6/24/2014 7:55:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
OF RATS, COCKROACHES AND LAWMAKERS
by professionalheckler

THE SANDIGANBAYAN is apparently taking more time studying Juan Ponce Enrile’s case. To avoid delays in coming up with a ruling, the anti-graft court divided the Enrile documents into three: Paleolithic, Mesolithic and Neolithic.

Once arrested, Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile will undergo booking procedures including mugshot taking, fingerprinting and carbon dating.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1jpe.jpg
If Enrile is arrested, President Aquino says the courts should consider his advanced age. Enrile loyalists are talking about house arrest or hospital arrest. Outraged taxpayers prefer cardiac arrest.

Juan Ponce Enrile is probably familiar with life in jail. He was detained for rebellion 24 years ago when he was just an old man.

Sen. Antonio Trillanes says Enrile should not be placed in a regular detention cell because old men (like JPE) have “special needs.” And Gigi Reyes was like, “I know, right?”

Some police officials say the PNP Custodial Center could get too hot for Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile. Related: Warm temperature hastens decomposition.

Beleaguered senator Juan Ponce Enrile says, “I will fight for the truth as long as I breathe.” You mean he’s still alive?

Reports say Enrile will bring a Nelson Mandela book to jail. In fact, supporters are comparing him with the South African leader. Mandela was a statesman, Enrile is a statesman. Mandela was jailed, Enrile was also jailed. Mandela had three wives; Enrile had three lives.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1je.jpgCrame Chronicles
Jinggoy Estrada surrendered to authorities on Monday, June 23. In Camp Crame, PNP medical personnel took his vital signs. They were “essentially normal” -- 76 beats per minute; 110 over 70, and 34-22-33.

Supporters of Jinggoy Estrada expressed their support for the embattled actor-politician by wearing shirts marked: “It might be stormy now, but the sun will shine again.” To which, the sun said, “I’m not really sure.”

Crame Chronicles II
Reports say Bong Revilla spotted rats and cockroaches inside his detention cell in Camp Crame. In a shocking turn of events, the rats and cockroaches staged a rally to protest the PNP’s decision to accommodate more pests in the facility.

Bong Revilla reported seeing “rats as big as cats.” Not to be outdone, the rats reported seeing “crocodiles as tall as humans.”

Bong Revilla has been complaining of migraine because of the heat inside his detention cell. His wife, Lani Mercado says, “Kailangan ng hangin sa loob.” The PNP acted swiftly: they sent Jinggoy in.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1lani.jpgBoycott
Following her husband’s arrest, Cavite Rep. Lani Mercado vowed not to attend President Aquino’s State of the Nation Address in July. Yes, she’s boycotting the event – or as Paul Cabral would call it, “lost income.”

Congresswoman Lani Mercado will boycott the joint session of Congress next month. When they heard this, the skeletons of Claro M. Recto and Jose W. Diokno couldn’t stop laughing and said, “As if!”

Working Visit
President Aquino was in Japan last Tuesday for a peace forum. He sought Tokyo's advice on how to deal with disputes, China, and Nora Aunor fans.

National Artist
Of the six National Artist nominees submitted by the search committee, President Aquino chose only five, and junked award-winning actress Nora Aunor. Sources say Ate Guy was snubbed because of 'morality' issues. And Kris Aquino reacted, "'Buti na lang 'di ako mahusay na artist."

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1na.jpg
For his apparent snub of the country’s ‘Superstar,’ the President was heavily criticized, lambasted, and ridiculed – prompting Kris Aquino to speak out and declare that his brother is not a pig.

Pac Them
The Pasay City RTC ordered Cebu Pacific to pay 2 million pesos in damages to a passenger who was barred from taking her flight due to psoriasis, a non-communicable, non-infectious skin disease. Netizens hailed the ruling but expressed fear that Cebu Pacific’s payment will be delayed.

Goodbye Miami?
LeBron James has decided to opt out of his contract with the Miami Heat. The guy used to play for the Cleveland Cavaliers. He could be playing for either the Rockets or the Bulls next season. LeBron James is the Loren Legarda of the NBA.
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“Every society has the criminals it deserves.”
~Emma Goldman, Red Emma Speaks

Sound Bites
“Senator Revilla is not on vacation at Camp Crame. Spending time in detention is not supposed to be like a hotel accommodation.”
~Philippine National Police

“The mere fact na makukulong na naman ako, tumatayo ng balahibo ko e. Iniisip ko ang mga anak ko.”
~Jinggoy Estrada

“I believe they’ll just have to man up. They have to make up their minds if they want to fight this through, play out that role as innocent men being subjects of injustice, or they’re just playing the role of guilty men who will use every loophole in the legal system to get out of this. So they have to make up their minds.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes’s advice to Jinggoy and Bong

Elsewhere
This is just moving. Dying man marries her girlfriend in the hospital. Ten hours later, he said goodbye.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVocnNIgKwY&w=525&h=295

Poll Results
Sang-ayon ka ba sa desisyon ng Commission on Higher Education na alisin ang pagtuturo ng Filipino sa kolehiyo?
-NO 60.53%
-YES 31.58%
-Wala akong pakialam. Hindi ako apektado.

Enjoy the rest of the week!



  Top   |  Bottom

Leo Beligan
7/6/2014 8:51:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
OF ARRESTS AND APOLOGIES
by professionalheckler

SENATOR JUAN Ponce Enrile was arrested last Friday, July 4. The 90-year-old lawmaker underwent booking procedures at Camp Crame. His mugshots were taken and he was fingerprinted. However, booking photos were not released to the media. Instead, these were sealed in a box labeled ‘artifacts.’

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/14.jpg
Remember Enrile’s campaign slogan? He said, ‘Gusto ko happy ka!’ We all are now. Thanks!

Even before Senator Enrile left his Dasmariñas Village mansion, hordes of reporters were already waiting for him in Camp Crame. When he arrived, there was an ambush interview. Nope, it wasn't fake or staged.

Like Bong Revilla and Jinggoy Estrada, the former senate president was examined by doctors in Camp Crame. The results: Blood Pressure 200 over 90; Pulse, 84, and Heart, It’s Complicated.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/2det2.jpg
Enrile’s former chief of staff and rumored girlfriend Gigi Reyes was also arrested last Friday. Or as Cristina Enrile calls it, ‘the best day of my life.’

Gigi Reyes is temporarily detained at the Sandiganbayan building. The powerful and influential “24th senator” reportedly broke down when she learned that the anti-graft court ordered that she be committed to a regular jail. What the hell did she expect: a love nest?

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/2det.jpgImelda and Ateneans
Photos of Ateneo students with former First Lady Imelda Marcos have gone viral. Imelda was the ‘guest of honor’ at a social event organized by the Ateneo Scholarship Foundation or ASF. The amused Ateneans even flashed the V-sign – a known Marcos hand gesture. Netizens could only cringe. Apparently, ASF scholars do not have units in Philippine history.

Amid mounting criticisms, the president of Ateneo De Manila University issued an apology. Fr. Jett Villarin also explained that young Ateneans were taught “not to forget the Martial Law years of oppression and injustice.” Based on that photo, yeah, those Ateneans did not forget. They did not know.

Hazing
The family of a hazing victim from UP will file charges against the involved fraternity - the prestigious Upsilon Sigma Phi. The victim who’s a minor is still confined at the St. Luke’s Medical Center. Upsilon has yet to issue an official denial, excuse me, official statement.

Remorseful
A Japanese politician accused of pocketing government funds became an Internet sensation when a video of him crying hysterically became viral. The politician decided to speak on national TV to deny the allegations - in a dramatic fashion. He was later identified as Ryutaro Revilla Jr.

Arrested
Former French President Nicholas Sarkozy was recently arrested and questioned over corruption allegations. Sarkozy surrendered quietly, saying he's not after publicity; he's not seeking public sympathy, and he's not a Filipino politician.

Bike Thief
A 19-year-old resident of Makati City was arrested for his involvement in the alleged spate of motorcycle thefts in Barangay Rizal. The suspect identified as Erol Legazpi Bautista seeks public understanding saying he did it in ‘good faith.’

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/2det1.jpgAttraction
Manila Crocodile Park’s newest attraction is a huge croc named Longlong – a robotic replica of Lolong, once the world's largest crocodile in captivity. Made of fiber glass and steel, Longlong can crawl, open its mouth, move its head, and deliver privilege speeches.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"But, mark my words; someday she'll get what's coming to her. Karma's a bigger bitch than she is."
~ Kathleen Brooks

Pic of the Week
That headline and that photo. You are so wicked Philippine Star. I love that.
https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/13.jpg

Sound Bites
“I did [ask Dad] at dineny niya sa akin. Wala daw siyang ninakaw na halagang maski piso daw po.”
~Jack Enrile

“The guiding spirit of frats in our culture is “walang iwanan,” not in the sense that Gawad Kalinga uses it, which is not to leave behind the biblical “least of our brethren,” but in the sense of not abandoning a ritual brother right or wrong, guilty or innocent, malevolent or decent.”
~Conrado De Quiros, Mark of Cain

Have a safe week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Rappler, @KassyDoodle, ANC, @FakeJakeShakes/PhilStar]

professionalheckler | PMpSun, 06 Jul 2014 22:31:44 +000031Sunday 18, 2007 at 7:02 p07 | Tags: gigi reyes and juan ponce enrile pork barrel scam, gigi reyes arrested, imelda marcos and ateneo de manila, juan ponce enrile arrested, longlong manila crocodile farm, political humor, professional heckler, upsilon sigma phi hazing | Categories: Hodgepodge | URL: http://wp.me/p4c4v-4x0


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Leo Beligan
7/10/2014 9:08:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
HYPOCRITES AND COWARDS
by professionalheckler

THE PRIEST who humiliated an unwed, teenage mom during a baptismal ceremony in Mandaue City, Cebu has issued an apology. Fr. Romeo Obach apologized for his “rude attitude.” He admitted that the incident has taught him an important lesson: never allow the use of camera phones inside the church.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/1rector.jpg
A Catholic priest officiating a baptismal ceremony in Mandaue City was caught on video condemning the baby's unwed mom. Berating the woman, Fr. Romeo Obach said, "You are shameless. You slept with a man who is not even your husband.” To protect her privacy, the woman was identified in some news reports only as “alias Kris Aquino.”

To the teenage mom’s relatives, Fr. Romeo Obach asked, “Is she being a good Christian? Will you spread your legs for a man you barely know?” It’s 2014 Father. You have no freakin’ idea!

Father Obach’s congregation, the Redemptorists of the Province of Cebu has denounced his “unacceptable act.” While the group considers Obach “a good missionary,” it has vowed to impose appropriate sanctions once the ongoing probe is completed. In punishing members and allies who commit mistakes, the Congregation wants to set a good example to parishioners, priests, and the Aquino administration!

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/1a.jpgGigi
The Sandiganbayan ordered the transfer of Gigi Reyes to the BJMP jail at Camp Bagong Diwa, Bicutan, Taguig City. The anti-graft court denied her petition to be detained in Camp Crame. Prosecutors hailed the ruling as a victory for justice, taxpayers, and Cristina Enrile.

Lawyer Jessica Lucila ‘Gigi’ Reyes is now detained in a regular jail with hardened criminals. The once powerful and influential Senate chief of staff couldn’t believe these things are happening. She feels awful, horrible, and defeated. In short, Butch Abad.

Senator Enrile’s influential former chief of staff Gigi Reyes was ordered transferred to a regular jail for women in Bicutan. I heard she’s the 24th inmate.

Gigi Reyes is now in Bicutan, Taguig. That makes her Taguig’s 3rd senator.

Snubbed
Sen. JV Ejercito visited Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile in Camp Crame the other day. But the neophyte lawmaker did not visit his half-brother Jinggoy Estrada who's also jailed in Camp Crame. Sources say JV opted to return to work instead of checking on a depressed Jinggoy. You know, business before pleasure.

Pre-trial
For his defense, Bong Revilla wants to present as witnesses President Aquino, former president Arroyo, Budget Sec. Butch Abad, Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales, Justice Sec. Leila De Lima, COA Chair Grace Pulido-Tan and his closest friends and supporters at GMA Network, among others. Star-studded! If all else fails, he'll call Nardong Putik, Tiagong Akyat, Bertong Suklab, Tonyong Bayawak, Elias Paniki, Joaquin Bordado, Pepeng Kuryente and Pepeng Agimat to back him up.

Napoles
Suspected pork barrel queen Janet Lim-Napoles reportedly sent a note to the CBCP asking that she be taken into protective custody by the bishops. The CBCP didn’t take it seriously because the note was sent with a box of ensaymada.

Exclusive! The note sent by Napoles to the CBCP:

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/1jen2.jpg

World Cup
Everyone’s talking about Brazil’s heartbreaking and humiliating 1-7 loss to Germany in the semifinals of the 2014 FIFA World Cup. Germany scored its first five goals in a span of only 19 minutes! Brazil’s defense was even worse than Malacañang's defense of DAP.

Wanted: Coward
One of the suspects in the death of hazing victim Guillo Cesar Servando of the College of St. Benilde has fled the country. Kevin John Navoa of the Tau Gamma Phi fraternity reportedly left in haste: no luggage, no clothes, and definitely, no balls!

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/1up.jpgUAAP
Season 77 of the UAAP officially begins on Saturday, July 12. Reports say prominent fans will be cheering for their favorites. There’s Vice Ganda for FEU; Mike Enriquez for DLSU, and Imelda Marcos for Ateneo.

Secret Wedding
Nine years ago on July 10, Kris Aquino and James Yap had a secret wedding at Boy Abunda's home in Quezon City. His marriage to the Multimedia Queen confirmed suspicions that James was a masochist.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Ah, you coward! Look at you, running."
~Jonathan Stroud, Heroes of the Valley

Sound Bites
“These are the hypocrites of today – the ones who clericalize the church, who keep the people of God from salvation.”
~Pope Francis on priests who refuse to baptize children of unwed moms

#StopHazing

[Photos: Children of God Blog, Philippine Daily Inquirer, Kris Aquino IG, Solar Sports]

professionalheckler | AMpThu, 10 Jul 2014 08:26:58 +000026Thursday 18, 2007 at 7:02 p07 | Tags: fr. romeo obach unwed mom, gigi reyes and bicutan jail, janet napoles and cbcp, juan ponce enrile and gigi reyes, jv ejercito vs. jinggoy ejercito, professional heckler, tau gamma phi hazing, uaap season 77, world cup brazil vs. germany | Categories: Hodgepodge | URL: http://wp.me/p4c4v-4xf


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Leo Beligan
8/4/2014 5:24:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
#QUIZtion: Current Events
by professionalheckler

THINK YOU'RE UPDATED?

Find out by taking this current events quiz. No Googling please. Do not cheat. Lawmakers hate competition.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/11.jpg
1: As of Sunday, August 3, 2014, the UP Fighting Maroons men’s basketball team have lost 26 consecutive games in the UAAP. Grabe lang. They last won in Season 75; two years ago pa. #saklap Anong team ang kanilang huling tinalo?
A: Adamson Soaring Falcons
B: UE Red Warriors
C: De La Salle Green Archers

2: Kris Aquino admitted ‘rewarding’ President Aquino’s supporters by “replying” to their comments on her Instagram account. Ano naman ang ginagawa ni Kris sa mga taong “nega” ang comments?
A: Block!
B: Deadma na lang.
C: Pinaprangka. [At least honest!]

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1.jpg
3: “Too beautiful to play the game” ang description sa volleyball player na si Sabina Altynbekova. The 17-year-old stunner plays for the youth squad of which country?
A: Ukraine
B: Russia
C: Kazakhstan

4: What militant Islamist group was responsible for the kidnapping of school children, and other violent activities in Nigeria recently?
A: Bakr al-Shalam
B: Abu Jihad
C: Boko Haram

5: Ang pamilya ng mga Pinoy na sakay sa pinabagsak na MH17 sa Ukraine ay tubong:
A: Pagbilao, Quezon
B: Maragondon, Cavite
C: Marilao, Bulacan

6: Ayon mismo kay Paolo Bediones, ilang taon na ang kanyang sex video na kumalat recently?
A: 7
B: 5
C: 2

7: Kung may “Ma’am Janet (Napoles)” sa executive at legislative branches, sino naman ang sinasabing counterpart niyang sangkot sa panunuhol sa mga judges?
A: Ma’am Charo
B: Ma’am Wilma
C: Ma’am Arlene

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/12.jpg
8: Of the following, sino ang hindi pinayagan ng kanyang NBA team na maglaro for his country sa darating na FIBA World Cup?
A: Tony Parker (Spurs) – France
B: Leandro Barbosa (Suns) – Brazil
C: Manu Ginobili (Spurs) - Argentina

9: Recently, Marvel announced that the new Thor will be female. Hindi naman nagpahuli si Captain America. Ayon sa Marvel, ang susunod na Captain America ay:
A: Bisexual
B: Black
C: Married with children

10: Project NOAH is the DOST’s “responsive program for disaster prevention and mitigation.” What does the acronym NOAH stand for?
A: Nationwide Operational Assessment of Hazards
B: National Organized Alert Helpline
C: Nakaantabay na Operasyon Alerto’t Handa

11: Slamming some anti-Aquino protesters, local musician Ria Bautista said, "Kung puro protesta pero wala namang inihahaing solusyon eh ‘di wala ring kwenta. It's just a bunch of people whining." This outspoken artist is a member of what band?
A: Up Dharma Down
B: Cambio
C: Paramita

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/14.jpg
12: Where is the 41st Chess Olympiad being held from August 1 to 14?
A: Reykjavík, Iceland
B: Tromsø, Norway
C: Budapest, Hungary

13: What is the name of the 140-hectare tourism enterprise zone in Bulacan where the Philippine Arena is located?
A: Ciudad Fernandina
B: Ciudad de Victoria
C: Ciudad del Carmen

14: Sa kabila ng nagaganap ngayong outbreak, hindi Ebola kundi ang disease na ito ang No. 1 killer sa West Africa.
A: Malaria
B: Diarrhea
C: HIV/AIDS

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1sona.jpg
15: One of the best dressed at last week’s SONA Red Carpet event, this woman is the wife of:
A: Cong. Miro Quimbo
B: Cong. Alfred Vargas
C: Sen. Sonny Angara

Bonus Question:
What does the E in E-Cigarette mean?
A: Express
B: Electronic
C: External

[Answers below]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
“People care about what newspapers tell them to care about.”
~ Delia Parr, Love's First Bloom

Sound Bites
"Saan ka nakakitang pwedeng tumakbo ang truck at bus na walang prangkisa?! Saang klase ng mundo tayo ngayon? Nasa Mars ba tayo? I mean, stupidity!"
~Manila Vice Mayor Isko Moreno on LTFRB's memorandum circular that temporarily suspended the enforcement operations against colorum vehicles in the metro

Answers:
1: B.
2: A.
3: C.

4: C.
5: A.
6: B.

7: C.
8: C.
9: B.

10: A.
11: C.
12. B.

13: B.
14: A.
15: C.

Bonus: B.

What your score means:
14-16 pts: Ikaw na ang updated! Marami kang alam. Hindi ka masyadong busy. Siguro, marami kang bakanteng oras.

11-13 pts: Pwede na. Love life na lang ang kulang.

8-10 pts: Ang lakas ng tsamba!

7 pts: Where have you been?

Below 6: Ang baba na nga ng score mo, double chin ka pa. Hayyy.

Gave a great week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: UAAP Sports, Reuters, FIBA, GMA News, Philippine Star]

professionalheckler

  Top   |  Bottom

Leo Beligan
8/9/2014 7:31:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
WANNABES
by professionalheckler

FOR THE 2016 presidential elections, Liberal Party stalwarts say DILG Sec. Mar Roxas is still their man – ‘coz he's got a better chance of winning compared to LP’s alternative candidate: no one.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1bj.jpg
President Aquino’s sisters Ballsy and Kris have publicly expressed their support for Vice President Jejomar Binay who is running for president in 2016. But DILG Sec. Mar Roxas is not giving up... until Pinky and Viel have announced their choice.

Reports say Vice President Binay has received “raw” information that the ruling Liberal Party might adopt him as its presidential bet in 2016. Reporters are trying to call the source of the raw information… but Binay won’t answer.

Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada says he will run for president in 2016 if Vice President Binay is adopted by the Liberal Party. In short, the next elections will probably be a choice between Estrada and Binay. One is a womanizing, graft-tainted, long-serving politician and the other one is Erap.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1traincnn.jpgStuck
In Perth, Australia, a passenger slipped and got stuck between a train and the platform. Other commuters helped by tilting the train to free the man. Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma said this unfortunate incident could have been avoided if the man took a bus instead.

Contra-SONA
Sen. JV Ejercito is set to deliver a contra-SONA next week. But Jinggoy Estrada insists JV’s counter-SONA doesn’t have the blessings of the Senate’s minority bloc. Ejercito is not surprised by Jinggoy’s reaction since the detained senator has always been contra-kapatid.

Happiness
Pope Francis has released his ‘10 Tips for Happiness.’ The list includes: Tip No. 2 - Be generous; Tip No. 8 - Stop being negative, and Tip No. 10 - Avoid EDSA during rush hour.

The Pope has made public his ‘10 Tips for Happiness.’ Unfortunately, he failed to give a tip on how to handle ‘seen-zoned’ situations on Facebook.

Pinoy Online
According to a recent study, Filipinos spend an average of 6.2 hours online. And that’s just the time spent waiting for the page to load.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1bd.jpgMagic
Magician David Blaine is performing live at the Araneta Coliseum soon. In one of his tricks, Blaine will attempt to make a pile of cash (genuine 1,000-peso bills totaling one million) disappear without a trace. And Filipino politicians were like, “We can do better and more than that.”

27!
Reports say the UP Fighting Maroons who recently lost their 27th consecutive game (dating back to 2012) have “low morale” because their coach was suspended. Wait. They have a coach?

New Words
Here’s some good news: Scrabble has added 5,000 new words to its official dictionary. There’s selfie, chillax, frenemy and bromance. And in even better news, there’s no KathNiel.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“I would rather be a little nobody, than to be an evil somebody.”
~Abraham Lincoln

Sound Bites
“Parang may value naman ang opinion ko diyan, pero kung totoo, eh di bongga!"
~Kris Aquino on rumors that the LP might adopt Binay as standard bearer

“All I can say is that the spin masters are having their day. There is no such thing. I am a member of the executive committee of the Liberal Party, and there has been no discussion on that.”
~LP leader/Senate President Frank Drilon

Poll Results
Kung tatakbong pangulo si Sen. Grace Poe sa 2016, iboboto mo ba siya?
-Hindi. Kulang pa siya sa karanasan. 46.6%
-Oo. Matino at may integridad na tao siya. 34.63%
-Pag-iisipan ko muna. 18.77%

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.



  Top   |  Bottom

Leo Beligan
8/19/2014 10:13:00 PM
NEARLY 26 PERCENT of Filipino adults were without jobs in June according to a survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations. Those Filipinos have done nothing and haven’t accomplished anything in recent months. In fact, they have a nickname for themselves: congressmen.

Almost 26 percent of Filipino adults are without jobs at present and are looking for work. To be fair, these Filipinos wanted to actually work and are eager to accomplish things. Unlike those people in charge of the MRT.

I have a couple more jokes about unemployed Filipinos. But I was afraid they wouldn’t work.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1pa.jpgFocus
In an event Monday, President Aquino took a swipe at those who were already campaigning ahead of the 2016 elections. The President said Filipinos should focus their attention instead on some of the nation’s biggest problems. When the audience heard this, they stared at the President.

Dare
In a press statement, Isabela Representative Rodito Albano dared President Aquino to take the MRT to “experience the suffering” of his bosses. Albano drafted the statement while aboard his multimillion-peso luxury vehicle.

Malacañang rejected Albano's challenge for President Aquino to ride the congested MRT... not because of security issues but because the MRT doesn't allow smoking.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1luc.jpgLucy
Have you seen the film Lucy? The action-packed Scarlett Johansson-starrer has received mixed reviews from critics. Personally though, I find the silliness entertaining. It also perpetuates the age-old myth that humans use only 10 percent of their brain. Yeah, it’s only a myth unless of course we’re talking about government officials, then it’s probably true.

The Pope
Talking to reporters aboard the papal plane to the Vatican from South Korea, Pope Francis said he’d probably be gone in two or three years. Mar Roxas and the Liberal Party are pushing for a term extension.

Saying he has done his part, Pope Francis (Jorge Bergoglio) believes he’ll probably be gone in two or three years. His youngest sister Krissy Bergoglio became emotional and was caught on cam crying.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1rm.jpgShrimps
While hosting an event in Davao City, comedian Ramon Bautista joked that there were many "babaeng hipon” in the city. The bad news: the feisty Dutertes were offended by the joke. The good news: Ramon made it out of Davao alive.

While hosting an event in Davao City, comedian Ramon Bautista joked that there were many ‘babaeng hipon” in the city. The joke offended Vice Mayor Paolo Duterte who was present in the event. Duterte reprimanded the comedian. Ramon was compelled to apologize for insulting describing those women.

Pinoy Pride
Filipino filmmaker Lav Diaz’s five-hour movie, “Mula sa Kung Ano ang Noon” bagged the top prize at the prestigious Locarno Film Festival in Switzerland. While the festival ended last weekend, the jurors are still watching the film until this morning.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1ass.jpg
FHM Sex Survey
According to the FHM 2014 National Sex I.Q. Survey in the Philippines, 33 percent of respondents have been criticized by a woman in bed. When sought to elaborate, one respondent declined and said, “Filipinos should focus their attention instead on some of the nation’s biggest problems.”

The same FHM survey revealed some 65 percent of Filipinos would seriously consider making their own sex tape in the future. The remaining 35 percent can’t wait to download it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"What this country needs is more unemployed politicians."
~Angela Davis

City Ordinance of the Year
Congratulations Mandaluyong City for this "super brilliant" idea! You deserve an award. Kayo lang ang nakaisip n’yan! Bravo! [Paid item]
https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1mc.jpg

Sound Bites
“Kapag nagbabasa tayo ng diyaryo araw-araw, tila marami nang nangangampanya. Parang nakalimutan nilang may problema tayo ngayon. Kaya naman ang problema sa 2016 na eleksyon, sa 2016 na iyon. Ngayon, tugunan muna natin ang problemang bumabalot po sa ating sambayanan.”
~President Aquino, August 18, 2014

Have a great week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
  Top   |  Bottom

Leo Beligan
8/19/2014 10:13:00 PM
NEARLY 26 PERCENT of Filipino adults were without jobs in June according to a survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations. Those Filipinos have done nothing and haven’t accomplished anything in recent months. In fact, they have a nickname for themselves: congressmen.

Almost 26 percent of Filipino adults are without jobs at present and are looking for work. To be fair, these Filipinos wanted to actually work and are eager to accomplish things. Unlike those people in charge of the MRT.

I have a couple more jokes about unemployed Filipinos. But I was afraid they wouldn’t work.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1pa.jpgFocus
In an event Monday, President Aquino took a swipe at those who were already campaigning ahead of the 2016 elections. The President said Filipinos should focus their attention instead on some of the nation’s biggest problems. When the audience heard this, they stared at the President.

Dare
In a press statement, Isabela Representative Rodito Albano dared President Aquino to take the MRT to “experience the suffering” of his bosses. Albano drafted the statement while aboard his multimillion-peso luxury vehicle.

Malacañang rejected Albano's challenge for President Aquino to ride the congested MRT... not because of security issues but because the MRT doesn't allow smoking.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1luc.jpgLucy
Have you seen the film Lucy? The action-packed Scarlett Johansson-starrer has received mixed reviews from critics. Personally though, I find the silliness entertaining. It also perpetuates the age-old myth that humans use only 10 percent of their brain. Yeah, it’s only a myth unless of course we’re talking about government officials, then it’s probably true.

The Pope
Talking to reporters aboard the papal plane to the Vatican from South Korea, Pope Francis said he’d probably be gone in two or three years. Mar Roxas and the Liberal Party are pushing for a term extension.

Saying he has done his part, Pope Francis (Jorge Bergoglio) believes he’ll probably be gone in two or three years. His youngest sister Krissy Bergoglio became emotional and was caught on cam crying.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1rm.jpgShrimps
While hosting an event in Davao City, comedian Ramon Bautista joked that there were many "babaeng hipon” in the city. The bad news: the feisty Dutertes were offended by the joke. The good news: Ramon made it out of Davao alive.

While hosting an event in Davao City, comedian Ramon Bautista joked that there were many ‘babaeng hipon” in the city. The joke offended Vice Mayor Paolo Duterte who was present in the event. Duterte reprimanded the comedian. Ramon was compelled to apologize for insulting describing those women.

Pinoy Pride
Filipino filmmaker Lav Diaz’s five-hour movie, “Mula sa Kung Ano ang Noon” bagged the top prize at the prestigious Locarno Film Festival in Switzerland. While the festival ended last weekend, the jurors are still watching the film until this morning.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1ass.jpg
FHM Sex Survey
According to the FHM 2014 National Sex I.Q. Survey in the Philippines, 33 percent of respondents have been criticized by a woman in bed. When sought to elaborate, one respondent declined and said, “Filipinos should focus their attention instead on some of the nation’s biggest problems.”

The same FHM survey revealed some 65 percent of Filipinos would seriously consider making their own sex tape in the future. The remaining 35 percent can’t wait to download it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"What this country needs is more unemployed politicians."
~Angela Davis

City Ordinance of the Year
Congratulations Mandaluyong City for this "super brilliant" idea! You deserve an award. Kayo lang ang nakaisip n’yan! Bravo! [Paid item]
https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1mc.jpg

Sound Bites
“Kapag nagbabasa tayo ng diyaryo araw-araw, tila marami nang nangangampanya. Parang nakalimutan nilang may problema tayo ngayon. Kaya naman ang problema sa 2016 na eleksyon, sa 2016 na iyon. Ngayon, tugunan muna natin ang problemang bumabalot po sa ating sambayanan.”
~President Aquino, August 18, 2014

Have a great week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
  Top   |  Bottom

Leo Beligan
8/23/2014 3:55:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
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ICE BUCKETS, CAKES, AND SEX VIDEOS
by professionalheckler

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A CERTAIN Attorney Renato Bondal told the Senate blue ribbon committee that Makati City built an “overpriced car park building.” Mayor Junjun Binay vehemently denied that it was… a car park building.

On the issue of the alleged overpriced Makati City Hall 2 building, Mayor Junjun Binay appeared before the Senate blue ribbon committee Wednesday. To be fair to Junjun, he kept his composure. And though it wasn’t that obvious, yes, he was grilled.

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During the hearing, Attorney Bondal also accused Mayor Junjun of overspending on cakes for Makati City’s senior citizens. Bondal brought with him three commercial cake samples for comparison. But senators reminded the lawyer that the inquiry was called to shed light on the overpriced building only. Bondal was not allowed to have his cake and eat it too.

It was also revealed during the hearing that Mayor Junjun Binay’s house has an elevator... totally disproving rumors that Junjun moves from one floor to another using a high-tech umbrella.

Reacting to the grilling of her brother Junjun Binay by her fellow senators, Sen. Nancy Binay said she felt some lawmakers wanted to put an M for ‘magnanakaw’ on her forehead. In response, the senators said Nancy was completely wrong. They actually wanted to put an “OA” on her forehead.

For Binay
Former senator Butz Aquino, Sen. Bam Aquino’s father Paul Aquino and Tita Cory’s brother Peping Cojuangco are reportedly supporting the 2016 presidential bid of Vice President Jejomar Binay. Sought for reaction, DILG Sec. Mar Roxas said, “Tell me something I don’t know.”

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#IceBucketChallenge
It’s the latest craze in social media. The #IceBucketChallenge aims to raise awareness and funds to fight amyotrophic lateral sclerosis or ALS otherwise known as Lou Gehrig's disease. In one version of the challenge, the nominated person must donate $10 if he poured the bucket of ice water on his head. If not, he has to donate $100. Janet Lim-Napoles has expressed interest in accepting the challenge but she wanted a 40 percent cut.

Rumors say President Aquino has been dared by his Cabinet to do the #IceBucketChallenge. And then the Cabinet members realized, “Of course, he’ll pull it off! Could anything be colder than his love life?”

After accepting the #IceBucketChallenge, the Liberal Party nominated Mar Roxas - mainly because the party is left with no other choice.

In the Philippines, a couple of celebrities have accepted the #IceBucketChallenge: award-winning artist Lea Salonga and college hoopster Kiefer Ravena. In Kiefer’s video, he was shown shaking after getting drenched. La Sallians were not convinced though. They believe he’s just flopping.

A similar campaign is being considered in the Philippines. To raise awareness on graft and corruption, a bucket of boiling water will be poured over the heads of corrupt government officials. Exciting!

Brave
A woman with a fully-loaded caliber 45 was arrested by members of the Presidential Security Group after attempting to get through Malacañang Gate 3 Friday afternoon. Reports said the woman was looking for President Aquino. The President was flattered. That was the closest he could get to having a stalker.

http://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/16.jpgHuman Error
DOTC officials concluded that the recent MRT train accident was caused by “human error.” Otherwise known as scapegoat.

According to DOTC officials, the recent MRT train accident was caused by “human error” – the same reason why those DOTC officials got their job in the first place.

DOTC officials will file administrative charges against two train drivers and two personnel from the control center for “gross neglect and inefficiency in the performance of official functions.” And the train drivers and control personnel were like, “Look who’s talking!?!”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1jb1.jpgRated X
Part 2 of newsman Paolo Bediones’s sex video is reportedly being shared online. Bediones has since apologized to his home network, and to Hayden Kho for 'copyright infringement.'
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"Money amassed either serves us or rules us."
~Horace

Sound Bites
“Kawawa ang kapatid ko. The senators have the upper hand. Trial court ba ito? Ang feeling ko kulang na lang, ‘yong mga kasamahan ko ukitan ako dito sa noo ko ng M, magnanakaw.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

“There's no truth to it. It doesn't affect me.”
~Sen. Grace Poe on rumors that Ferdinand Marcos and Rosemarie Sonora (Susan Roces’s sister) are her real parents

Have a safe long weekend!

[Photos: Adam Levine, Philippine Daily Inquirer, ABS-CBN News, DZMM, PEP]

professionalheckler

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Leo Beligan
8/25/2014 8:43:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
PAC OF ALL TRADES
by professionalheckler

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EIGHT-TIME WORLD champion and incumbent Sarangani representative Manny Pacquiao has been drafted in the PBA by the team that earlier named him as coach. The world class boxer-turned actor-turned politician-turned TV host-turned motivational speaker-turned cager will suit up as KIA’s playing coach. That explains why TV5’s latest programming puts the PBA under the category ‘Sitcom.’

Manny Pacquiao was drafted by the PBA in the first round. Or as some PBA fans would call it, “Foul!”

Incumbent Sarangani representative Manny Pacquiao is now officially a PBA player. PBA viewers should expect more fun, laughter, and Chavit Singson.

At the PBA Rookie Draft on Sunday, KIA also picked Manny’s cousin, the unheralded Rene Pacquiao. Observers believe he was chosen only because of Manny's influence and popularity. Rene Pacquiao is the Nancy Binay of the PBA.

Congressman Manny Pacquiao has been officially drafted by the PBA. Vice Governor Jinkee Pacquiao was so ecstatic her face almost moved.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1pi.jpgNo to Pork
A protest action pushing for a People’s Initiative against all forms of pork barrel was held at the Quirino Grandstand on National Heroes Day. Police say some 5,000 people joined the rally but Bayan Muna’s Renato Reyes insists nearly 20,000 showed up. Bayan Muna challenged President Aquino to sign the People's Initiative. But Aquino refused so he was compelled to make a donation of 100 dollars for ALS research.

MRT-3
After suspending services last Saturday, MRT-3 has resumed its “normal” operations. Again, MRT-3 is back to normal. So expect delays, glitches and more service interruptions.

MRT-3 suspended its operations last Saturday after its “communications system” bogged down. Malacañang's spokespersons accused MRT-3 of having no originality.

Overtaxed
According to the Tax Management Association of the Philippines, Filipinos pay the highest taxes in Southeast Asia. The same study also revealed that Filipino politicians were the happiest in the region.

Teacher vs. Student
A teacher in Talisay City, Negros Occidental allegedly slapped an unruly student five times. Parents of the unidentified student are seeking the support of her classmates while the unidentified teacher is expecting the support of Rodrigo Duterte.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1ce.jpgHeart and Chiz
Sen. Chiz Escudero, 44 and Heart Evangelista, 29 are now engaged. And President Aquino was like, "'Ka-pressure!"

#IceBucketChallenge
On Monday, newscaster Korina Sanchez accepted the Ice Bucket Challenge. When a pail of ice water was poured over her head, Korina suddenly realized there's something colder than her husband Mar.

Last Sunday, TV host Kris Aquino took the Ice Bucket Challenge LIVE on The Buzz. It was a double success. The ALS Association got their donation and Kris Aquino got the people's attention.
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“But that's the thing about basketball: you don't play games on paper.”
~Bill Simmons

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1jc.jpgSound Bites
“Me, in Binay’s pocket? I will have my head chopped off before a live audience by anyone who can prove that! Life is too short to waste on sucking up to a dynasty that I’m bent on crushing. No to Binay in 2016! Quote me, please!”
~Activist Mae Paner a.k.a. Juana Change

“Ang focus namin ay reporma, at ang term extension ay hindi reporma. Usaping pulitika ‘yan. Mas mahalaga sa amin ang repormang nakaaapekto sa mga mamamayan.”
~Karina Constantino-David on the launch of Koalisyon ng Mamamayan Para sa Reporma (KOMPRe)



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Leo Beligan
9/13/2014 12:45:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
KICKBACKS, ROGUE COPS AND OTHER STORIES
by professionalheckler

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AT LEAST 10 police officers were allegedly behind the EDSA-Mandaluyong robbery-abduction case last week. They have all been identified. Once arrested, they will be presented to the media, and then locked in a room with a drunk Billy Crawford.

Two of the cops who were involved in the EDSA robbery-abduction case were “repeat offenders.” The National Police Commission said SPO1 Ramil Hachero and PO2 Jonathan Rodriguez were slapped with the same charges in 2011. Apparently, they never learned. Hachero and Rodriguez are the Jinggoy Estrada of the police force.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/1nm.jpgKickbacks
Former Makati vice mayor Nestor Mercado revealed that then city mayor Jejomar Binay received millions of pesos in kickbacks from several infrastructure projects. Which begs the question: how many bidders experienced being trapped in a Makati City elevator?

The Vice President is getting negative publicity of late. His spokesperson, Jonvic Remulla a.k.a. Mr. Cavite governor is blaming Binay’s enemies: Nestor Mercado, Alan Peter Cayetano, and the truth.

According to Nestor Mercado, former Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay got a "13 percent kickback” per project. Or in the words of Janet Lim-Napoles, “Cheap!”

Vice President Binay has a scheduled address next week. Jonvic Remulla says his boss will answer the allegations “punto por punto.” But he denies rumors the Vice President will end his speech with a music video.

EXCLUSIVE! Here’s the draft of Vice President Binay’s speech.
http://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/1ba.jpg

FIBA 2019
Bidding will start soon for the 2019 FIBA World Cup. Some countries have earlier expressed interest to make a bid. But they decided to back out this week after learning that they'll be up against Hilmarc's Construction Corp.

Warning
Citing security threats, the Chinese government advised its citizens “not to travel to the Philippines.” To which, Chinese nationals said, “Tanga! We’re already here.”

In a travel warning released the other day, China said, “the safety situation in the Philippines is deteriorating.” Of course, it would have been much safer here without those Chinese drug lords, Chinese traffickers, and defective Chinese products.

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16-Digit Plate
A consumer welfare group and netizens blasted the Land Transportation Office for allowing hundreds of new taxi units [with pending franchise applications] to ply the streets of the metro using 16-digit plate numbers. When sought for reaction, the LTO gave 16 excuses.

The LTO allowed hundreds of new taxi units in Metro Manila to use 16-digit plate numbers. Or as abusive cab drivers would call it, “Awesome!”

Taxi units with 16-digit plates are now roaming the streets of Metro Manila. Thanks to the brilliant minds of LTO. When asked why sixteen numbers were used, the LTO replied, "26 letters are a bit long."

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/1b.jpgNo Cerebellum
Doctors in China were startled when they discovered that a 24-year-old woman had been living without a portion of her brain. In the Philippines, we call that “LTO.”
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“Politicians: Pinocchios with nose jobs.”
~Bauvard, The Darkness of Nature

Sound Bites
“’Wag naman nating lahatin na kasama sa criminal gangs at criminal activities. Ninety nine percent, the overwhelming majority of the police forces, ay ginagawa ang trabaho nila sa mabuting paraan.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas

“Sabi niya ‘Ma’am, natanggap ko na ‘yong cake, ang sarap ng cake.’ Parang hindi ko tuloy alam, idi-deny ko ba eh parang tuwang-tuwa s’ya sa cake. Pag deniny ko, baka hindi na matuwa sa akin dahil hindi pala ako ang nag-bake no’n.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

Enjoy your weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, GMA News, Reuters]

professionalheckler

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Leo Beligan
9/17/2014 4:56:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
ERUPTION AND CORRUPTION
by professionalheckler

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MANILA ARCHBISHOP Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle called on Filipinos to spread the word against corruption and cheating by wearing a shirt that says, “Huwag Kang Magnakaw.” To make the campaign more successful, include the face of your congressman or mayor.

Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle says Filipinos must spread the word against corruption by wearing a shirt that says, “Huwag Kang Magnakaw.” Or to be more precise, “Huwag Kang [Insert name of senator here].”

Nancy’s Bill
Sen. Nancy Binay has filed a bill that seeks to give prisoners the option to be placed under house or hospital arrest. Vice President Binay praised Nancy for her concern, thoughtfulness and careful planning.

Dangerous
A Wall Street Journal report named the Philippines as “the most dangerous place to be a Korean.” While the most dangerous place to be a Filipino is "inside the MRT."

A Wall Street Journal report has named the Philippines as “the most dangerous place to be a Korean.” Another report has named Makati City as “the most dangerous place to bid for a project if you are claustrophobic.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/1z.jpgFree Again
In a shocking turn of events, influential businessman Cedric Lee and his friends Deniece Cornejo and Simeon 'Zimmer' Raz were granted temporary liberty by a Taguig RTC judge. Lee, Cornejo, and Raz were very happy. But the RTC judge was happier. #AlamNa

Taxes
The Bureau of Internal Revenue’s tax collection rose by 8.01 percent in August. Apparently, the amount of taxes collected is directly proportional to the number of taxpayers humiliated. What a shame… campaign!

Helmet Ban
To ensure the safety of motorcycle riders, Republic Act 10054, or the Helmet Law was passed last year. Last week though, a congressman filed a bill that sought to ban the use of helmets nationwide by motorcycle-riding people to prevent crimes. Helmet ban? How about ‘idiots in Congress ban?’

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/1bul.jpgEruption
Phivolcs says Mayon Volcano is restive again and an “eruption is possible within weeks.” When President Aquino heard this, he said, “’Buti pa ‘yong Mayon, pumuputok pa.”

LP Exclusive
According to Liberal Party secretary general and Western Samar Rep. Mel Senen Sarmiento, only LP members will be considered for the presidential race in 2016. But the bigger question is, “Will there still be LP members before 2016?”

European Tour
President Aquino is on an 8-day visit to Spain, Belgium, France and Germany. In Madrid, the President cited Spain’s biggest contributions to the Philippine economy: financial assistance, investments, and Enrique Razon.

Mass Wedding
Over the weekend, Pope Francis officiated the wedding of 20 couples “technically living in sin” – those who already have children, living together, or annulled from a previous marriage. Take that CBCP!

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/1kh.jpgThe Gift
Kris Aquino announced on social media that he gave her best friend Boy Abunda a brand new Hummer. When sought for reaction, the Hummer declined to comment saying he hated the publicity.

Cougar
Comedienne Ai-Ai De La Alas has a 20-year-old boyfriend from La Salle. The guy, a former member of the DLSU badminton team has been described as cute, nice, and the most likely reason why Ai-Ai De La Alas will cry on a future episode of ‘The Buzz.’
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“There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants.”
~Jarod Kintz

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/1ai.jpgSound Bites
"Hindi ko hinanap 'to talaga, hindi ko hinanap. Dumating na lang siya talaga sa buhay ko."
~Comedienne Ai Ai delas Alas on her 20-year-old boyfriend from DLSU

"It’s show time!”
~Cedric Lee to Vhong Navarro after his release from jail

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Congratulations again UP Pep Squad!

Poll Results
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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Harvard Politics, Philippine Star (Lee/Raz), ABS-CBNNews (Mayon), GMA News (Ai-Ai), Kris Aquino IG]

professionalheckler | PMpWed, 17 Sep 2014 13:09:11 +000009Wednesday 18, 2007 at 7:02 p09 | Tags: up pep squad equality | Categories: Hodgepodge | URL: http://wp.me/p4c4v

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lintik
9/20/2014 7:30:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
ALAM MO NA! [Krissy For You, Super Mario atbp. Kwento]
by professionalheckler

"NAKAKALOKA! Akala ako it was Ondoy all over again! Ganito ang nangyari Darla.

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I slept at around 11:45PM last Thursday kasi nga it was starting to rain na and ‘bed weather’ talaga. Maaga namang natulog ang mga bagets ‘tsaka early ang taping ko the next day so I decided to sleep na rin. Paggising ko ng 7AM, gosh, it was still raining hard and flooded na raw ang Metro Manila. So I texted Darla to inform her na magpapatila lang ako nang konti. Pero naloka ako nang bonggang-bongga dahil 10 o’clock na, umuulan pa rin. And the news was like, grabe! It was baha na raw everywhere. Hindi ko kinaya si typhoon Mario! Walang tigil! Parang bibig ko lang. Aha-ha-ha!

Dahil stranded naman ang mga tao sa kani-kanilang mga bahay, at canceled ang taping namin, I decided to answer na lang the issues hounding me. Oo! Hounding me talaga. Bakit? Eh talaga namang maraming isyu about me eh. So sasagutin ko na lang here para matapos na.

But first, allow me to salute ABS-CBN News for this timely and relevant story. Promise, nakasalalay rito ang GNP growth ng Pilipinas sa susunod na quarter. Ito ‘yon.

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He’s so kawawa. I mean, look at those eyes. I can’t imagine myself inside that car for 11 hours. It’s so matagal! If I were him, I would have probably died. Kawawa naman si Bimby ‘tsaka si Josh. ‘Tapos wala nang magtatatanggol kay Kuya Noy. I can’t even. As in! So, to that boy in the car, if you’re reading this, I hope you got home safely. Winner ka huh! Na-news ka pa!

Wait! Gusto nga raw palang mag-hi ng mga taga-Tatalon, Quezon City.

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Moving on… last Thursday, I was invited by Tito Jojo Binay sa PICC for his speech. You know naman, I’m really close to his daughter Anne. And the Binays are loyal to my mom. Alam mo na! Kaya lang, I thought baka magalit sa akin si Kuya Noy at sabihan na naman ako, “Kristina, ‘wag ka na sabing makialam sa pulitika. Cough. Cough. Cough.” Aha-ha-ha As if naman makokontrol niya akong magsalita ‘di ba? Anyway, nagsabi ako kay Tito Jojo na ‘di ako makakarating. Buti na lang, nando’n sina Tito Butz, Tito Peping at Tita Tingting so keri lang na wala ako. Well-represented naman ang both sides ng family so bongga!

Sa mga nagtatanong kung anong stand ko sa corruption issue against the Binays... ito lang ang masasabi ko: Care bears! Ang importante, we support each other at tumatanaw kami ng utang na loob sa isa’t isa. Besides, Tito Jojo is an action man! Last Friday nga, siya ang unang nag-distribute ng relief goods sa mga typhoon victims. Hindi nagsisinungaling ang evidence. Look!

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Overpriced din kaya ang eco-bag? Joooke! Aha-ha-ha! By the way, I’d like to thank nga pala Nancy for the cake and silvanas she sent last night. Naloka naman ako sa sobrang taas ng cake mo! Eleven tiers talaga?!? World class?!? Sa sobrang taas ng cake, chineck ko tuloy kung may elevator. Aha-ha-ha You’re so sweet. Love na kitaaaa!

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I’m so happy right now kasi Boy is so back. He lost a few pounds pero keri lang. Lalo ko siyang na-appreciate, promise. Sana na-appreciate din niya ang gift kong Hummer. At sa mga bumabatikos sa akin for announcing it to the world, mamatay kayo sa inggit haters! I mean, it’s just a Hummer, you know. What’s wrong with spending a few millions for a dear friend? Pinaghirapan ko ang perang ‘yon at hindi ninakaw. ‘Tsaka it’s not the first time na nagbigay ako ng sasakyan sa kaibigan. Hellllo! May donor’s tax pa ‘yan! I’ll pay for it so may kontribusyon na naman ako sa government! Kaya pleaaaaase, enough of the inggit and bitterness. Hellllllo!

Speaking of nakaw, laugh ako nang laugh sa kumakalat ngayong pic sa Facebook. May nakawala raw senador sa kulungan! Ayokong sabihin kung sino sa kanilang tatlo. Bahala na kayong mag-decide. Aha-ha-ha!

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Gusto ko nga palang i-clarify ang lumabas na blind item sa column ni Tito Ricky Lo. The impression that I got was HP daw ako these days because of Toni Rose Gayda’s ex-husband Moonie Lim. Kasi naman post ako nang post ng pictures ng flowers na ipinapadala niya. So feeling ko tuloy, umasa siya. Can I just be honest? Hindi ko s’ya type. Sorry. Basta. I need not explain. You know naman my exes: Alvin, Philip, Joey, and James. Ayaw ko nang mag-elaborate. Refer na lang to this infographic. Aha-ha-ha.

Sa mga bashers na madalas akong sabihang malanding-malandi at sabik na sabik sa lalaki… this time, MALING-MALI kayo. OA naman ‘yong “sabik na sabik!” Sabik lang! Aha-ha-ha No, seriously, kuntento na ako sa kung anumang meron ako ngayon. Pero sana balikan ako ni Mayor Herbert. Promise!

Before I end, somebody’s asking nga pala kung ano raw ang masasabi ko sa paglusong ni Korina sa baha at pagsakay niya sa pedicab while reporting. NR! I’ve seen that padyak before. ‘Tsaka ayokong maging plastic ‘no! NoyBi kami forever. Unless… magpadala ng 15-tiered cake si Ate Koring – with world-class escalator. Aha-ha-ha!

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Abangan n’yo nga pala ang sequel sa blockbuster movie kong ‘Feng Shui’ – ito po ang official entry ko sa Metro Manila Scream Festival. Hoy! ‘Wag n’yong maliitin ang project kong ‘to! Ang laki ng hirap ko rito! Bawat eksena, tumitili talaga ako. Mapa-drama, aksyon, comedy o intimate scenes, scream pa rin ako nang scream. Kaloka! Aha-ha-ha! SANDALI. O, Yaya, ba’t nand’yan ka?

Ma’am Krissy, may dumating pong flowers. Galing yata sa buylit n’yo. Hihihi

Gaga! Boylet!!! Sige, susunod na ako. O, I have to go na. Will take photos pa of the flowers para ma-post ko sa Instagram. Alam mo na! Love! Love! Love! Aha-ha-ha!"
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"Thirst for attention is a cry of loneliness."
~Toba Beta

Sound Bites
“Mga kababayan, mga kapwa ko Pilipino, sama-sama tayong lalaban sa kahirapan. Sama-sama tayong lalaban sa pagdurusa na hinaharap natin araw-araw. Sama-sama tayong lalaban sa takot na dulot ng kriminalidad. Sama-sama tayong lalaban sa walang tigil na pagtaas ng presyo ng mga bilihin. Sama-sama tayong lalaban sa problema ng ating mga kabataan Walang atrasan. Lalaban tayo para gumanda at guminhawa ang buhay ng bawat Pilipino.”
~Vice President Jejomar Binay, 9.18.2014

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.



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Leo Beligan
9/28/2014 9:09:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
LOST
by professionalheckler

ONE OF THE favorites to win the basketball gold in the 17th Asian Games, the Philippines has just been eliminated. Gilas Pilipinas put the 'heart' in ‘heartbreaking.’

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Gilas Pilipinas would have advanced if it won by at least 11 points against Kazakhstan. But the Kazakhs cut Gilas’ lead from as high as 18 to only 2 in the dying seconds. Hoping to send the game into overtime where it could win, Gilas intentionally scored at the wrong basket. What a cheap chot! I mean, shot. Sorry.

Last Friday, Coach Chot Reyes blamed the loss of Gilas Pilipinas against Qatar on naturalized Filipino Marcus Douthit saying, “Our big guy just quit on our team.” He then benched Douthit in the succeeding game against South Korea. Gilas lost again. And Douthit was like, “Don’t look at me now.”

Bitter rivals Gilas Pilipinas and South Korea faced each other again last Saturday. It was #heart and Seoul. Touted as one of the favorites and with shrieking fans cheering on, a confident Gilas Pilipinas falls. It was their ‘James Reid’ moment.

Tired
The Vice President’s legal counsel, Princess Turgano fainted while explaining Binay’s financial statement last Wednesday. That was understandable though since the surge in Binay’s wealth, from P2.6M to P60M, was dizzying.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/1123.jpgMen At Work
Instead of attending the Senate hearing to answer corruption allegations thrown against him, Vice President Binay visited poor residents of Tondo in Manila. So many people cheered, and queued up to see the Vice President up close and personal. The head count was close to 2016.

Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay has refused to attend the ongoing Senate hearing on the alleged overpricing of the P2.2 billion Makati City Hall Building II. Junjun says he’d rather work for the people of his city. Luckily, the Binays have an able spokesperson in the governor of Cavite who’d also rather work for the city of Makati.

Love Ko ‘To
Instead of eating at a fancy restaurant while in the US, President Aquino’s last meal was spent at McDonald’s in San Francisco. To which, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and Martin Romualdez said, “Wait, can you do that?”

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According to online reports, President Aquino’s motorcade halted traffic on Haight St. in San Francisco, California when his entourage dropped by a McDonald’s restaurant to eat lunch. Some motorists got pissed and were heard saying, "Who the hell does he think he is? Binay?!?"

Rumors say after finishing his meal, President Aquino bought some McDonald’s toys for his allies in Congress. Each of his solon-friends will get a Hamburglar.

Work Week
The Civil Service Commission (CSC) has approved the proposed four-day work week scheme for government employees in Metro Manila. In the new schedule, a workday has been extended to 10 hours: from 8AM to 7PM. Employees will have more time to serve the public and even longer hours to use Facebook for free.

Free Internet
Smart, Talk N' Text, and Sun Cellular are now offering free mobile Internet to prepaid subscribers. Again, it’s ‘free.’ They didn’t say it’s ‘fast.’

Smart is now offering free Internet to pre-prepaid subscribers. The catch: you’ll receive free KathNiel and JaDine updates every minute.

After making the big announcement last Friday, PLDT Chair Manny Pangilinan said, "That's better than politics." And the Binay family was like, “Of course not!”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/11kl1.jpgCongested
According to the Bureau of Jail Management and Penology, the congestion rate of jails nationwide is now at 326 percent. In fact, some detention cells reportedly have congestion rates of more than 1,000 percent. However, not all facilities with criminals are congested. Exception: Batasang Pambansa.
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“Sometimes you must lose everything to gain it again, and the regaining is the sweeter for the pain of loss.”
~Cassandra Clare

Sound Bites
“Karapatan ko pong pansamantalang hindi dumalo sa pagdinig sa Senado. Bilang mayor ng Makati, marami pa akong tungkuling dapat kong gampanan. Magtatrabaho po ako dahil ‘yan ang inaasahan sa akin.”
~Junjun Binay

Have a safe and productive week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever


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Leo Beligan
10/1/2014 7:13:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
RATINGS
by professionalheckler

VICE PRESIDENT Binay’s rating in Pulse Asia's September 2014 survey on Filipinos’ presidential preferences dropped to 31 percent from 41 percent in June. Rumors say Binay is depressed because he lost 10 percent – something that’s unusual for him. He’s so used to gaining 13 percent.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/1kb1.jpg
Despite losing 10 points, the Vice President is still ahead of the pack. He leads Roxas by 18 floors.

In the latest survey, Vice President Binay led his rivals by a wide margin. Pulse Asia has denied rumors that some anti-Binay respondents were not able to participate in the survey because they were trapped in an elevator.

He just lost 10 points in the latest survey but Vice President Binay is really serious about his 2016 presidential bid. If he loses another 10 points, his bid could be in peril. Plan B: Change his name to “Hilmarc's Construction Corp.” to ensure a win.

For the first time, Mar Roxas got a double-digit rating in a recent presidential survey. Voter-preference for the DILG chief rose to 13 percent from a mere 7 percent. If his rating further improves in the next survey, the Liberal Party will celebrate with a bonfire.

The latest Pulse Asia survey showed a 10 percent drop in the rating of presidential hopeful Jojo Binay. For Toby Tiangco, it’s a bad hair day.

Vice President Binay lost 10 points in the latest survey. Toby Tiangco is blaming politics, black propaganda, and Marcus Douthit.

Top Ranked
Tito Sotto topped Pulse Asia's latest senatorial survey followed by Kiko Pangilinan. How's that possible? Sharon Cuneta is no longer that popular today. So for Kiko, it's not Sharon. But for Sotto, Eat's Bulaga.

In the latest Pulse Asia survey, actor Dingdong Dantes was in the 28th to 35th position. He needs five more televised marriage proposals to boost his chances.

Donors
In the Senate hearing Tuesday, PNP Chief Allan Purisima said the construction of the controversial ‘White House’ in Camp Crame was made possible by friends in the construction industry who “donated P11 million.” And Kim Henares was like, “Thanks for the tip.”

When asked by Sen. Grace Poe to rate himself based on “performance,” embattled PNP Chief Allan Purisima answered, “I would rate myself a nine.” To which, his wife said, “Hindi rin.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/1kb.jpgOccupy Central
Massive demonstrations continue in Hong Kong as pro-democracy protesters demand genuine reforms from Beijing. Riot police have been using tear gas and pepper spray to disperse rallyists who protected themselves using umbrellas. The protests have since been dubbed the "Umbrella Revolution." That’s how you put the umbrella to good use. Take note Mayor Junjun Binay.

Traffic Solution?
On TV Patrol, Korina Sanchez jokingly suggested that instead of implementing the number coding scheme on vehicles, authorities must try the color-coding scheme on people. The suggestion offended the Binays.

Apologies
“For offending the sensitivities of some persons,” Bench founder Ben Chan apologized for the controversial act involving Coco Martin and a female model on a leash during its recent underwear show. Ben Chan has yet to apologize though to those people whose sensitivities were massively offended by Jake Cuenca.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/1police.jpgModel/Police
Sexy model Alyzza Agustin recently bragged on Facebook that she avoided getting ticketed by traffic cops after showing them a high-ranking PNP official’s signed business card with a note that said, “Pls assist my EA Alyzza Agustin.” The official was identified as PNP Directorate for Plans chief Alexander Ignacio. Ignacio has a lot of explaining to do to his superiors and a lot more explaining to do to his wife.

Satan
Last Monday, Pope Francis was quoted to have said that “Satan seduces us by disguising evil as good.” So don’t be tricked by Satan. Say no to large fries.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Too many leaders value their popularity, protecting it at all cost, degrading their credibility.”
~Noel De Jesus, 44 Days of Leadership

Sound Bites
“We expected a bigger decline. The latest survey results are a surprise for us."
~UNA interim president Toby Tiangco

“I categorically DENY that I personally know Alyzza Agustin, who claimed that she used my business card to avoid getting a traffic citation. She is not my Executive Assistant and there is no such position in my office."
~Police Chief Supt. Alexander Ignacio

Have a productive month of October!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever


  Top   |  Bottom

Sutil
10/3/2014 4:03:00 AM
Manmano met ti umay ditoyen, Torney. Ag pliplinnastik dan sa met amin idiay pisbuken.
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Leo Beligan
10/9/2014 8:31:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
PIGS
by professionalheckler

FORMER MAKATI CITY Vice Mayor Nestor Mercado dropped another bombshell in the Senate last Wednesday. Mercado alleged that the Binays own a 350-hectare estate in Rosario, Batangas. The media dubbed it ‘Hacienda Binay.’ That’s how much Tita Cory had influenced the Vice President.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/11binay-estate.jpg
According to Nestor Mercado, the estate has two mansions, a 40-car garage, a cock breeding farm, an orchid farm, a “maze garden” patterned after the Kew Gardens in London, a horse ranch, an air-conditioned piggery, and a man-made lagoon. Or as PNP Chief Allan Purisima would say, “ordinary.”

The sprawling property, Mercado claimed, is equivalent to "six Luneta Parks, 10 Araneta Centers or even half the city of San Juan." To give you an idea of how huge the property is, Binay tried to survey the estate from end to end on foot while he was still a city mayor. He only finished the survey when he was already the country’s vice president.

The alleged Binay estate in Rosario, Batangas has an air-conditioned piggery - the second of its kind to be built in the Philippines… after Batasang Pambansa.

Nestor Mercado bared that it was the idea of former Makati City Mayor Elenita Binay to install air-conditioning units in the piggery. Even Imelda Marcos was like, “That’s too much.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/11binay-estate2.jpg
The Binays’ air-conditioned pig farm was put up in 1994. In fact, the farm recently marked its 20th anniversary. To celebrate the momentous event, the pigs were given cakes.

Despite the series of shocking exposés, the Vice President will not attend the Senate inquiry. You know, he’s focused on his work. He’s got a tough job as vice president. The only thing tougher is the job of his PR team and damage control group.

Lawyer JV Bautista, interim secretary-general of UNA and a staunch Binay defender called for a lifestyle check on Nestor Mercado. According to Bautista, the former Makati City vice mayor is a gambler who frequents casinos and has lost millions in cockfights. To which, Mercado replied, “That’s not true. Pustahan pa tayo.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/11binay-estate1.jpg
The camp of Vice President Binay has since denied Mercado’s allegations and insisted businessman Antonio Tiu is the real owner of the Batangas estate. To clarify the issue, Tiu has expressed willingness to face anyone: Trillanes, Cayetano, Pimentel… anyone! “Challenge accepted.” – Kim Henares

People have different views on the Binay controversy. Some say as public officials, the Binays must be open to scrutiny. They have a point. Others believe the allegations must be substantiated and backed up with evidence. They also have a point. In fact, everyone who has a piece to say about the issue has a point – except perhaps for Mar Roxas who will probably gain six more points.

When asked to comment on the ill-gotten wealth allegations against the Binays, presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda says, “We are not involved in any way. We are just observers.” Then, he high-fives Abi Valte.

When asked to comment on the controversies hounding the Binays, presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda says, “We are just observers.” With popcorn, soda, and laughter.
https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/11binay-estate3.jpgHuge Drop
The recent probe on the alleged overpriced Makati City Hall Building 2 has definitely affected public perception of Vice President Binay. His approval and trust ratings in the latest Pulse Asia survey dropped by 15 percentage points. The survey has a margin of error of plus or minus 3 floors.

Of the government's four highest-ranking officials, Vice President Binay got the highest trust and approval rating. It was so high... Junjun Binay had to take the elevator.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/q-10.jpgUnexplained Wealth
The Anti-Money Laundering Council (AMLC) says Bong Revilla has an unexplained wealth of almost 88 million pesos. Apparently, when Bong was made to explain in writing, he told AMLC he's better at multiple choice questions.

Reports say Bong Revilla has an unexplained wealth of almost 88 million pesos. He's in big trouble. He's not used to explaining about money. The few times he was made to explain by Lani – it was about women.

Cheaters, Inc.
A recent study revealed men who cheat on their wives were more likely to die of a heart attack. In totally unrelated news, doctors at the PGH say Senator Enrile has atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease. #walalang #promise #walatalaga
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Honest people don't hide their deeds.”
~Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

Sound Bites
“Nakakatawa po iyon. Matagal nang isyu iyon. Dumami na nga nang dumami. Dati nga 150 hectares, tapos naging 200 hectares, ngayon naging 300 na.”
~Vice President Binay on his alleged estate in Rosario, Batangas

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Office of the Vice President]

professionalheckler | PMpThu, 09 Oct 2014 20:37:37 +000037Thursday 18, 2007 at 7:02 p10 | Tags: air-conditioned piggery binay, batangas property, bong revilla unexplained wealth, elenita binay air-conditioner piggery, hacienda binay, junjun binay elevator, nestor mercado vs. jejomar binay, overpriced makati city hall building 2, political humor, professional heckler, trust and approval ratings binay, vice president binay rosario | Categories: Hodgepodge | URL: http://wp.me/p4c4v-4Gi
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Leo Beligan
10/9/2014 8:32:00 PM
wen ngarud Sutil
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Leo Beligan
10/17/2014 6:02:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
THE SECRET MEETING AND THE SURVEY
by professionalheckler

REPORTS SAY President Aquino and Vice President Binay had a private meeting in Malacañang last Tuesday evening. It was a three-hour meeting between the country’s most powerful haciendero, and President Aquino.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/1.jpg
The President’s meeting with Vice President Binay lasted three hours: from 9PM to 12:30AM. Binay spent the first hour persuading Aquino to stop the DOJ and Senate investigations. The President spent the next two hours saying, “No.”

Probe
The National Bureau of Investigation has reportedly started its probe into the alleged misdeeds of Vice President Binay. And there are many. To ensure an orderly probe, the NBI will begin in the first floor.

Winnable
In an exclusive story, Rappler.com reported that Vice President Binay would demolish President Aquino in a two-way battle for president in 2016. That’s according to a survey by Laylo Research Strategies commissioned by supporters of the Vice President. The survey is based on a sample of 1,200… Makati residents.

The Vice President will demolish President Aquino in a two-way battle for president in 2016. That’s according to a survey by Laylo Research Strategies commissioned by loyal Binay supporters. Laylo’s clients include media outfits, private companies, businessmen, and insecure politicians pretending to be ‘loyal supporters.’

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/11.jpgEXCLUSIVE: Here’s a copy of the survey form
---xxx----
RESPONDENT NO. __________
DATE: ______________

Magandang araw po! Ito ay isang pag-aaral hinggil sa halalan sa ating bansa.

May limang tanong sa survey na ito na kumakatawan sa limang isyu sa ating lipunan. Ang bawat tanong ay may dalawang pagpipilian: Vice President Binay at President Aquino. Lagyan ng check ang napili mong sagot.

Mangyari lamang pong pag-aralang mabuti ang mga tanong bago sumagot. Ikaw ay may labinlimang minuto upang ito ay tapusin. Simulan mo na ngayon!

Traffic
1: Grabe talaga ang traffic. Wala bang ginagawa ang gobyernong Aquino? Si Abaya ng DOTC, ano bang nagawa n'ya na? Wala naman yata eh! Kaibigan pa naman siya ng presidente. By the way, sinong iboboto mong pangulo sakaling ganapin ngayon ang eleksyon?
___A: Vice President Binay
___B: President Aquino

Law and Order
2: Narinig mo ba ang balita tungkol sa batang pandesal vendor na hinoldap sa Caloocan? Kumulo talaga ang dugo ko nang mapanood ko ‘yon. Pati bata ‘di nakaligtas sa mga kriminal. Wala talagang silbi ang pulisya! Hay naku! Kasalanan ‘yan ni Mar Roxas! ‘Di ba under ng DILG ang PNP? Anong nangyari? Mga inutil! Sanga pala, if ever na ganapin ang eleksyon ngayon, sinong iboboto mo?
___A: Vice President Binay
___B: President Aquino

Disaster Preparedness
3: ‘Buti na lang, hindi direktang tumama sa Pilipinas ang super-typhoon Ompong. Kung nagkataon, lubog na naman sa baha ang maraming bayan at siyudad sa bansa. Marami na namang mawawalan ng tirahan. Thank God laging nauuna sa pamamahagi ng relief goods si Vice President Binay. ‘Yan ang totoong action man. Hypothetical lang, sakaling dalawa na lang ang maglalaban sa pagka-presidente ngayong 2016, sinong iboboto mo?
___A: Vice President Binay
___B: President Aquino

Employment
4: Uy, malapit na naman ang Pasko. Ang sabi sa balita, magmamahal na naman ang mga pagkaing pang-Noche Buena. ‘Yan eh kung may pera kang pambili. Bakit, may trabaho ka ba? Mabuti pa ang mga taga-Makati. Every year, may loot bags na puno ng grocery items. Hayyy, inggit much. Maiba ako, kung gaganapin kaya ngayon ang eleksyon, sinong iboboto mo sa pagka-pangulo?
___A: Vice President Binay
___B: President Aquino

And finally… Graft and Corruption
5: Aba! Nasa puwesto pa pala si PNP Chief Allan “Ordinary” Purisima. Ang tindi! Palibhasa, close siya kay Presidente Aquino kaya kapit-tuko sa puwesto. Nakakadismaya. ‘Yan ba ang tuwid na daan? Tse!! Anyway, kung ngayon isasagawa ang halalan, sinong kandidato ang iyong susuportahan?
___A: Vice President Binay
___B: President Aquino

MARAMING SALAMAT po sa paglahok sa survey na ito. Makaaasa kayong magiging confidential ang inyong mga sagot. Dahil hangad namin ang patas, tapat at malinis na resulta, dadaan po ito sa masusing pag-aanalisa bago isapubliko.

Mabuhay po kayo!
-----xxx-------
-END-

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/12.jpgIn Other News…
North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un went missing recently. People didn't know where he had been. Nobody had heard from him for a very long time. Political analysts have a term for that: Lito Lapid.

To be fair to Kim Jong Un, he resurfaced after 40 days. While Lito Lapid is still missing.

Worst Airport
Pakistan's Benazir Bhutto International Airport has dislodged our very own Ninoy Aquino International Airport as the world’s worst airport. Geez! What's happening to our country? We're no longer No. 1 at anything.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/13.jpgWanted: Volunteers
The Philippine Red Cross is looking for volunteers for Ebola duty in West Africa. Voluntary? Why not mandatory? Let’s send some senators and congressmen!

Attacked
A mistress was violently attacked by the wife of the man she was allegedly sleeping with. The mistress was stripped, punched and kicked by the scorned wife. And Mrs. Cristina Enrile was like, “Pwede pala ‘yon?”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“I wonder why people work so hard to become politicians just in order to do something wrong.”
~Masuji Ibuse

Sound Bites
“This will come to pass soon, and you will see me in the bigger political arena, fighting Goliaths in an effort to become a part of a better future.”
~Vice President Binay

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/14.jpg
“My soul is male, but I'm not going to go through that stage where I'm going to change everything."
~Charice as interviewed by Oprah

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.



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Leo Beligan
11/11/2014 8:34:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
BINAY VS. TRILLANES: THE FLIPTOP BATTLE (EXCLUSIVE!)
by professionalheckler

"Ako ho ang naghamon, wala hong atrasan ito kung ako ho ang tatanungin ninyo. Basta't magkakaharapan po tayo.”
~Vice President Binay, October 29, 2014

BREAKING: Binay’s promise

On Tuesday at the Marines headquarters, Vice President Binay announced that he has decided to back out of his debate with Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV. After his speech, the birthday celebrator had lunch with Marine officials. There was one tense moment when Binay was served... chicken!

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/untitled12.jpg
Last October 29, Vice President Binay said, “Walang atrasan!” However, on Tuesday at the Philippine Marines headquarters, Binay announced that he was backing out. After his keynote speech, he was served lunch. But Binay didn’t touch his food. He’s already full. He has just eaten his words.

On his 72nd birthday, Vice President Binay announced that he has decided to withdraw from a scheduled debate. And Nancy Binay was like, “I taught him well.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/usufruct.jpg
According to the World Happiness Report, the Philippines is the 8th happiest country in the world. And then Vice President Binay backed out of the debate, and people couldn’t stop laughing. We’re now ranked third.

Unconfirmed reports say the KBP has no plans of cancelling the event… mainly because Antonio Tiu has volunteered to debate on behalf of Vice President Binay.

The Debate: Fliptop Version
What if the debate between Binay and Trillanes pushed through in the form of a fliptop rap battle? Let’s try.

Yo! Oras na para simulan ang asaran.
Binay vs. Trillanes… wala nang atrasan.
When I say, hee-… you say pon.
Ooops, mali! I thought I was Ramon.

Wala sanang mapipikon sa aking mga hirit
Hindi ko naman gustong kayo ay magalit
'Meron tayong free will,’ sabi nga ni Ms. Zenaida Seva.
Kung ‘di mo trip ang post na ‘to, makaaalis ka na!
Break it down.

Let's start!

Trillanes:
Madlang pipoooooool… kumusta na kayo?
Sonny Trillanes po… isang hamak na sundalo
Galit sa magnanakaw, kalaban ng maligno
Ang masaktan, guilty; ang pikon ay talo!
Yo!

Binay:
Yo mong mukha mo!

Entrada mo pa lang, nami-mersonal ka na
Pati mga maligno, idinamay mo pa
Ok lang sana kung orig ang ‘yong tira
Pero ‘yang punchline mo, nakaw lang kay Korina!
Boom!

Trillanes:
Basta’t usapang ‘nakaw’ pamilyar kang tunay
Obvious na obvious ka naman, sanay na sanay
Kasi nga, 28 years na 'yang pamilya mo sa puwesto
Hindi pa tuli ‘yang si Junjun, kumikita na kayo!
Basag!

Binay:
May panyo ka ba d’yan? Papunas naman sa ‘yo
Sayang ang chance kong ‘to, kaharap ko’y santo

Heto ang salamin, tingnan mo ang ‘yong repleksyon
(Pauses, Trillanes looks at himself in the mirror)

Natatandaan mo pa ba ang milyones mong gastos noon?
Ang sabi’y travel expenses habang ika’y nakakulong
Maling-mali si Ate Guy, may himala pa pala ngayon
Paano ka nakapag-travel? Nag-astral projection?
Wasak!

Trillanes:
Teka lang, teka lang, ba’t lumalayo ka
Tuesday pa lang ngayon, tumu-throwback Thursday ka na
Na-explain ko nang lahat ‘yan, ‘wag mo nang ipilit
Pag-usapan na lang kaya natin ang iyong naging kabit?

Binay:
Gago ka ah!
Masyado nang personal ang ‘yong banat at atake
Palibhasa wala kang alam kundi coup d'état at mutiny
Ano bang nangyari no’ng makipag-debate ka kay Enrile
‘Di ba’t nag-walk out ka at umiyak na parang baby?
Uha! Uha!

Trillanes:
Ulol!
‘Wag mo nang ilayo ang usapan sa tunay na isyu
Ikaw ang owner ng hacienda; ‘di kung sinu-sinong chu-Tiu!
That Instagram post of your daughter kinda helped seal your fate
Kung hindi talaga kayo guilty, ba’t kailangang i-deactivate!?
Yari!

Binay:
Shut up!
Taumbayan na ang huhusga at hindi kayong mga taga-Senado
Dakdak kayo nang dakdak, ba’t di kayo magsampa ng kaso?
Ay, oo nga pala, bagsak ang ratings n’yo ni Cayetano
Mas mataas pa nga nang ‘di hamak ang rating ng aming aso
Awooo!

Trillanes:
OA naman no’ng aso! Ano ‘yan, imported Labrador
World-class ba ang dog house ‘tapos may elevator?
Oooops, sorry… did I just hit a nerve?
Wala akong pakialam. That tirade was so deserved!

Binay:
Pakyu!

Trillanes:
Ha-ha-ha
Turo ba ‘yan ni Tiangco?

Binay:
Tama na! That’s enough. Good luck na lang sa 2016
‘Pag ako ang nanalo, saan ka kaya pupulutin?

Trillanes:
Matagal pa ‘yon tanda, marami pang pwedeng maganap
Dito nga lang sa debate, urong agad ang ‘yong bayag!

Binay:
Sisenta’y dos na ako, natural lang na umurong ‘yon. Tanga!
At least ‘di ako tulad ng iba d’yan na asa na lang sa Viagra!

Trillanes:
O sha, sha… tama na. Manahimik ka na!
Magbabasa muna ako ng comments sa social media.

Binay:
Walang sinabi ‘yang social media mo sa mga aktwal na botante sa probinsya
Konting paawa, konting drama… sa akin ang simpatya.

Trillanes:
Asa ka pa!

Binay:
Lalo ka na!

Trillanes:
Nognog!

Binay:
Alam ko.
Gago!

Trillanes:
Magnanakaw!

Binay:
Tarantado.
Asan ang pruweba mo?

Trillanes:
Maghintay ka lamang d'yan.
Marami pang malalaman ang taumbayan.

Binay:
Push mo ‘yan!

Trillanes:
Whatever.
Vice Ganda ikaw ba 'yan?

Binay:
[Inantok. Napagod. Birthday pa naman. Hindi na sumagot.]

-End-

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/usufruct1.jpgHeadlines
Vice President Binay has decided to back out of his scheduled debate with Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV. Here’s that piece of news according to newspaper headlines and Twitter accounts:
Philippine Daily Inquirer: Binay chickens out of debate

Philippine Star: Binay on debate: Ayoko na!

Manila Standard Today: Trillanes bullies Binay after veep backs out of debate

The Daily Tribune: Binay won’t stoop down to Trillanes’s level

The Manila Times: Binay made the right decision – political analyst

The Manila Bulletin: Binay’s birthday wish: good health and better life for Filipinos

@Rapplerdotcom: Binay withdraws from debate, gets flak from netizens

@GMANews: Binay umurong sa debate, ayaw pag-usapan ang “use of rock”

@ABS-CBNNews: Here’s why “#KathNielonGGV” and “#BinayFriedChicken” trended on Twitter

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/untitled9.jpgThe Debate
Hours before Vice President Binay backed out of the highly anticipated face-off, the KBP announced the four topics for the canceled Nov. 27 debate. In case you missed it:

No. 1: If crime does not pay, why are politicians very rich?

No. 2: Bakit walang senador, kongresista, governor o mayor ang umaangal o nagrereklamo kapag tinatawag silang buwaya?

No. 3: Have you stolen even a single centavo from Filipino taxpayers? If not, who are you kidding? Show proof.

No. 4: Kung ang kabataan ang pag-asa ng bayan, ipaliwanag ang mga sumusunod na trending topics sa Twitter:
https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1trends.jpg
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“He who cannot put his thoughts on ice should not enter into the heat of dispute.”
~Friedrich Nietzsche, Human, All Too Human

Sound Bites
"Ang dahilan ko, mga kababayan, ay dahil marami na akong naririnig. Na siya ay ganito, ako ay mahusay, ako ay debater, ako ay abogado, eh sobra na ang mga salitang ganyan, na kumpirmadong sinabi niya. Eh ayoko naman pong ‘yong pagkakakila n’yo sa akin, mga kababayan, ay mapang-api, mapagsamantala. Na itong isang tao ito ay alam mo namang kawawa, tanga o whatever, pinagsamantalahan ko. So tama na yun. Ayoko na."
~Vice President Binay

""For the sake of the country, sana umatras na siya at itigil na ang panloloko sa taumbayan, at kung magtuloy-tuloy siya dahil alam niyang may kikitain siya sa pagka-presidente, sana makita ng mga kababayan natin ang tunay na pagkatao niya.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV

Poll Results
https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1binaysurvey1.jpg

Break it down. Yo!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever


  Top   |  Bottom

Leo Beligan
11/15/2014 6:16:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
PICK-UP LINES AND POLITICS
by professionalheckler

Modern Pick-up Lines for Filipinos
https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/untitled.png

Sana si Antonio Tiu ka na lang?
Bakit?
I want you to own me.

Elevator ka ba sa Makati City Hall?
Bakit?
Bidder kasi ako. Gusto kong ma-trap inside you.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/untitled14.jpg
Makati City Hall Parking Building ka ba?
Bakit?
Sobra-sobra ka kasing magmahal!

Si Nancy Binay ka ba?
Bakit?
Kasi… lumalabas ang buwan at mga bituin kapag kasama kita.

Miss, alam mo bang para akong si Senator Trillanes?
Bakit?
Kasi… lagi akong ‘galit.’

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/untitled13.jpg
Si Lito Lapid ka ba?
Bakit?
Kasi… you say it best when you say nothing at all.

Sana si BIR Commissioner Kim Henares ka na lang.
Bakit?
Para lagi kang nakabantay… ‘tapos hahabulin mo ako.

Sana sa MRT na lang tayo nakatira.
Bakit?
Para lagi tayong super close at halos ‘di na mapaghiwalay.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/tt2.jpg(Rated SPG)
Sana si Manny Pacquiao ka na lang.
Bakit?
Para patutumbahin mo ako, tapos magdi-dribble ka at magshu-shoot!

Sana EDSA ka na lang.
Bakit?
Para lagi kang masikip.
Boom!

And finally…
https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/usufruct1.jpg

Sana si Vice President Binay ka na lang.
Bakit?
Ay, ‘wag na lang pala. Ayoko na.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/untitled15.jpg
DESPITE RECENT tensions between China and the Philippines over disputed territories, President Aquino attended the APEC Summit in Beijing. The President says there’s no reason for him to skip the summit in the Chinese capital… unless it changes its name to ‘Tacloban.’

In Beijing, Russian president Vladimir Putin reportedly flirted with Chinese First Lady Peng Liyuan who was seated beside her husband. Putin just gave China a dose of its own medicine: disrespecting boundaries and occupying territories.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1apec.jpg
Russian president Vladimir Putin reportedly flirted with Chinese First Lady Peng Liyuan by grabbing a coat and wrapping it around the First Lady’s shoulders. Before Putin did that, he whispered to President Aquino, “Watch and learn.”

"Open Sources"
Former Iloilo provincial administrator Manuel Mejorada who claimed that the P700-million Iloilo Convention Center was overpriced attended the Senate hearing last Thursday. When grilled by senators, Mejorada admitted that he had no evidence to back his allegation, and revealed that he got the information from “open sources” like Wikipedia, a free-access, free content, and free-to-edit online encyclopedia. Mejorada vowed to return to the Senate with proof. But first, he’ll do some research on BuzzFeed and 9gag.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago who described Manuel Mejorada as “a big dud” said he could be held in contempt “for wasting the time of the Senate.” And Lito Lapid was like, “Harsh!”

Valuable
When asked to name the most valuable book to humanity, 37 percent of respondents in a recent survey answered, “The Bible.” The remaining 63 percent answered, “What’s a book?”
----------------------------------------------
“People almost invariably arrive at their beliefs not on the basis of proof but on the basis of what they find attractive.”
~Blaise Pascal, De l'art de persuader

Sound Bites
“In the 2016 presidential elections, when I am rid of my lung cancer, I intend to claim the presidency I won in 1992.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: GMA News: Tiu; Joseph Vidal/Senate: Mejorada; SpinPh: Pacquiao; YahooPH: Lito Lapid; PDI: Binay]

professionalheckler | PMpSat, 15 Nov 2014 12:38:04 +000038Saturday 18, 2007 at 7:02 p11 | Tags: apec summit beijing vladimir putin chinese first lady, corruption allegations vs binay, hacienda binay, iloilo convention center and frank drilon, manuel mejorada vs. frank drilon, pick-up lines and philippine politics, political humor, president aquino and vladimir putin, professional heckler | Categories: Hodgepodge | URL: http://wp.me/p4c4v-4Jk


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Leo Beligan
11/18/2014 5:14:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
WALKERS
by professionalheckler

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1ebola1.jpg
AFTER BEING criticized over Ukraine, Russian President Vladimir Putin walked out of the G20 summit, a gathering of the world’s largest economies in Australia. “He has been prejudged by the other leaders,” according to his spokesman Jonvicov Remullev.

After being grilled on the issue of Ukraine occupation, Russian President Vladimir Putin walked out of the G20 summit. Putin was offended when one of the leaders showed a photo of his daughter beside a swimming pool with the caption, “Our place in Kiev, Ukraine.”

Home
According to a recent study, a clean house can lead to ethical behavior. Apparently, both houses of Congress are dirty.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1ebola.jpgHome, Too
The Philippine College of Physicians criticized acting Health Sec. Janette Garin and top AFP officials for visiting without any protective gear and interacting with quarantined Filipino peacekeepers who have just arrived from Ebola-hit Liberia. The peacekeepers couldn’t wait to come home. Garin couldn’t wait to become secretary.

Check-Up
Detained senator Bong Revilla stayed overnight at the St. Luke’s Medical Center in Taguig City for a check-up. Bong underwent a Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) and a Magnetic Resonance Angiography (MRA) of the brain. The doctors found nothing.

Word War
The heated exchange between Tacloban City Mayor Afred Romualdez and rehabilitation czar Panfilo Lacson continues. On Monday, Romualdez renewed his call for Lacson to resign saying, “He keeps complaining.” Oh, hello there pot. I am kettle. Why so black?

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1pll1.jpgComet Landing
For the first time in history, scientists at the European Space Agency successfully landed a washing machine-sized spacecraft on a moving comet. Great. We can land a space probe on a moving comet yet we can’t even make Binay face a probe or a debate.

Scientists successfully landed a spacecraft on a moving comet. Nice! We can make a space craft visit a comet but we can’t even make our own President visit Tacloban.

Last week, humans successfully landed a spacecraft on a comet. Initially, the spacecraft was refused entry because the guards insisted they had to seek permission first from Antonio Tiu.

Scientists at the European Space Agency successfully landed a spacecraft on a moving comet. We would like to send our condolences to Santa Claus who lost one of his reindeer.

Chocolates
Chocolate makers say there’s a looming shortage of chocolates in the world. And the Binay family was like, “O, baka naman pati d’yan, gamitin kaming punchline!”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1woman.jpgAlive!
A 91-year-old Polish woman who was pronounced dead by a doctor woke up in a morgue 11 hours later. That was one creepy rehearsal!

Janina Kolkiewicz, a 91-year-old woman who was declared dead by a doctor woke up in a morgue several hours later. He was discovered by a funeral home employee who asked her, “How are you feeling?” And Janina replied, “I don’t feel any pressure right now. My family is the most important persons in my life.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
“Sickness is the vengeance of nature for the violation of her laws.”
~Charles Simmons

Sound Bites
"Hindi nakakahawa ang Ebola ‘pag wala pang sintomas ang pasyente pero kailangan ang maigting na pagbabantay."
~Acting Health Sec. Janette Garin

"Siguro meron silang mahusay na intention sa pagpunta doon, kaya lang siguro ay nag-ingat sana sila nang kaunti by wearing protective gear para magpakita sila ng ehemplo sa iba?”
~Former health chief Esperanza Cabral reacting to the visit of DOH and AFP officials to Caballo Island

Poll Results
https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1pll.jpg
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.


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Leo Beligan
11/22/2014 5:38:00 AM
BINAY’S FAVORITE THINGS

Posted: 20 Nov 2014 07:49 PM PST

VICE PRESIDENT Binay sings ‘My Favorite Things’ from ‘The Sound of Music.’

Sing along with the veep by clicking this:


Condos and mansions
A horse ranch and chickens
Pig farm with aircon
A huge orchid garden

A car park dubbed as
a world-class building
These are a few of my favorite things

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1bkaraoke.jpg
Ebeng Baloloy
and Gerry Limlingan
Know all my secrets
But wait, where are they now?!

Toby and Jonvic,
hosannas they sing
These are a few of my favorite things

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1bs.jpg
Boy scouts, Tiu, APO
Enrile and Erap
Noynoy’s four sisters
And LPs who’ll lipat

Palace and power in 2016
These are a few of my favorite things

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1bs1.jpg

When the news bites
When the probe stings
When I’m feeling mad
I just count my money:
That’s my favorite thing
And then I don’t feel… so bad.

[Repeat from the top]

Pic of the Week
When Bong Revilla and former Makati City Mayor Elenita Binay, both charged with graft, bumped into each other at the Sandiganbayan, ano kaya ang sinabi nila sa isa’t isa?

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1b.jpgI:
BONG: Ma’am, proud po ako dahil kayo ang kahanay ko. I am in good company.
MRS. BINAY: Ulol! Ikaw lang ‘yan.

II:
BONG: Ma’am, alam n’yo bang naniniwala ako sa kasabihang, “Birds of a feather, flock together?”

MRS. BINAY:

BONG: Jooooooke! Kayo naman ‘di na mabiro!

III:
BONG: Ma’am, may chance pa kaya akong maging runningmate ni Vice?

MRS. BINAY: Bakit? May chance ka bang lumaya bago mag-2016?

BONG:

MRS. BINAY: Jooooke! Akala mo ikaw lang. Hihihi

IV.
BONG: Ma’am, totoo bang sa inyo ang hacienda sa Batangas?

MRS. BINAY: Totoo bang kumita ka kay Napoles?

BONG:

MRS BINAY:

BONG AND MRS. BINAY: Joooooke!!!
—————————————————————————————————
“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”
~Socrates

Sound Bites
“Ipinapaalala ni Pangulong Aquino ang kahalagahan ng paggawad ng katarungan para sa marami pang nakabinbing [isyu] bunsod ng diktadurya, kabilang na ang human rights violations at alleged ill-gotten wealth.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma reacting to Bongbong Marcos’s call for an end to the “feud” between the Marcos and the Aquino families

Enjoy your weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever

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Leo Beligan
11/28/2014 7:20:00 AM
MANNY PACQUIAO was feted in Makati City last Thursday. A motorcade was held in honor of the People's Champ for beating Chris Algieri. Joining Pacquiao on the float were his trusted aides as well as Ilocos Sur Gov. Chavit Singson and Mayor Junjun Atienza.

Mauled
An MMDA traffic constable was reportedly dragged and mauled Thursday morning by a certain Joseph Russel Abacan Ingco who was then driving a flashy sports car. Unconfirmed reports say Ingco, who is facing charges of serious physical injuries, is 39 years old and a huge fan of Chris Brown, Cedric Lee and Claudine Barretto.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1ingco.jpg
An MMDA traffic constable was allegedly punched several times by Maserati driver Joseph Russel Abacan Ingco last Thursday. Witnesses described Ingco as a dangerous foe who landed more blows than Chris Algieri.

At press time, mauling suspect Joseph Russel Ingco has yet to surrender to authorities. In a statement released through his lawyer on Friday, Ingco said, "the truth will come out." To which, his victim said, "You first!"

Bribery
According to a survey conducted by the Office of the Ombudsman, fewer Filipinos now give bribes to government officials or employees. They just drag, and punch them several times then flee.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1er.jpgER
The Supreme Court upheld a Comelec ruling that ousted Laguna Governor ER Ejercito for overspending in the 2013 elections. ER can now concentrate on overspending for the promo of his film fest entry.

The High Tribunal upheld a Comelec decision removing ER Ejercito from his post. ER can now focus on removing his pores for his next movie poster.

Elevators
https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1condountitled1.jpg
“INDAY, you call Berto na. Mali-late na ‘ka mo sa school si Katarina.

Yes ma’am.

And you tell him to use the service elevator pag-akyat ok? Not the passenger elevator.

Yes ma’am.

Uy, you’re all there na pala. Sorry. I didn’t notice. Anyway, I just wanna make kwento lang sana about this elevator controversy on social media. It’s so unfair kasi. It’s as if the property manager murdered or made kawawa some less privileged people when in fact, she did not.

One morning kasi, I was in a hurry. Pag-press ko ng elevator, there were like two yayas inside and a driver and another madungis-looking guy. Pagtingin ko sa dalawang yaya, they were like giggling. Yeah, they were like this o, making faces pa. When I hopped in, na-realize ko why they were behaving that way. Gosh, ‘yong blouse ko pala kakulay ng uniform ng isa sa mga yaya. Pati ‘yong design ng pocket, halos pareho. I wanted to die. Promise. I was so like, “Do I stab myself na lang?” But since I was running late na, wala na akong choice. Tongue inah.

Heto pa! Habang pa-down ang elevator, may mga eksena pa sila. The driver was singing this uber annoying OPM. I forgot the title but it went something like, “Neseyo ne eng lehet, patty ang poozo ko…” Eeew. He was like serenading the two yayas who were so kilig. Kainis! I swear, never again!

I was so malas yata that week kasi the next day, when I invited some friends to the condo, may nakasabay naman kaming maid. She was like carrying two brown bags of veggies. ‘Tapos nabutas yata ‘yong isang bag kaya ‘yong stench ng radish and onions kumalat sa buong elevator. My friends hate radish pa naman 'coz it smells like poopoo. I was so embarrassed. Gusto ko nang mag-vanish sa sobrang hiya. Promise.

It didn’t end there pa. Bad luck comes in threes nga yata. Around 10 o’clock, when I was making hatid my friends sa lobby, sakto namang sumakay ‘yong plumber na laging nagsi-service sa adjacent unit. Kadiri ang amoy huh! I can’t even! Parang lumipat sa damit ko ang smell ng kung anumang corrosive material na nasa toolbox niya. Nakakasira ng gabi! ‘Di ba?!?

Before the week ended, I called the attention of the management. Kasi nga, there’s a service elevator naman for tsima-a-a and drivers and tuberos and construction workers, and other Manongs and Manangs of this world, why are they being allowed to use the freakin’ passenger elevator?!? I mean, I paid millions of pesos for my unit, hellooooo?!! Siguro naman, I have the right to complain ‘di ba?

And that’s not even discrimination. That’s putting things in order. And helllooooo, may nag-complain na bang tsimay o driver d’yan? Nein! Zilch! It’s just those super OA social media people who are raising hell over a non-issue! Again, hellllooooo, it’s been happening like everywhere! Anong problema n’yo?! You haven’t even stayed in a condo so please… shut the hell up.

Anyway, ayoko nang patulan pa ang mga ‘yan. I have better things to do. I’ll shop na lang. You know, when I'm so inis, I spend. Habit ko na 'yan. Wait! Inday?

Ma’am, nasa baba na po si Berto. Ihahatid ko na po si Katarina. Pwede po ba akong mag-passinjir elebeytor?

Aba, natural! Alangan namang iwan mong mag-isa sa elevator si baby girl.

Ambot sa imo!

Ano’ng sabi mo?

Wala po ma’am.

Good! Pagbalik mo, mag-service elevator ka!

Pisting yawa!

---#----

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1fart.jpgSweet!
A 65-year-old Frenchman claims to have developed a pill that makes people’s farts smell sweet – like roses or chocolates. Talk about eau de toilette!

A Frenchman has developed a pill that makes people’s farts smell like chocolates. People will soon be asking, “Who’s eating a Toblerone? Can I have some?”

Ser Chief
On Friday, the drama series 'Be Careful With My Heart' aired its last episode. The airing of the finalé shocked so many Filipinos who asked, "You mean, may 'Be Careful With My Heart pa?!?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Reducing a group to a slur or stereotype reduces us all.”
~DaShanne Stokes

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1condountitled.jpg
Sound Bites
"It's hard to please everyone, but this is just how the world is."
~Katherine P. Garrido, Property Manager, Icon Residences

HAVE A FUN WEEKEND!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

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Leo Beligan
12/2/2014 7:32:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
ADULTERY
by professionalheckler

ASHLEY MADISON, the controversial website that encourages adultery has been launched in the Philippines. But Justice Secretary Leila Lima reminds the public, adultery is punishable under the Revised Penal Code. De Lima urges telecom companies to block the site – drawing criticisms from some netizens, Internet freedom advocates, and Bong Revilla.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1al.jpg
Ashley Madison, a controversial website that encourages adultery was recently launched in the Philippines. Joseph Estrada described it as “too late.”

A website that promotes adultery has been launched in the Philippines. Ashley Madison’s tagline is, “Ang buhay ay maikli. Mangaliwa.” Senator Enrile completely disagrees. With the ‘buhay’ part.

Top 5 Submitted But Rejected Taglines for Ashley Madison

No. 5:
Bibliya na ang nagsabi: Humayo kayo’t magpakarami.
Mangaliwa.

No. 4:
1,2,3 asawa ni Marie
Araw-gabi, walang panty.
Mangaliwa.

No. 3:
Ibagsak ang rehimeng US-Aquino!
Mangaliwa.

No. 2:
Kung Diyos nga, nakapagpatawad, misis mo pa kaya?
Mangaliwa.

And the No. 1 rejected Ashley Madison tagline:

Hindi ka man dating pangulo
Wala ka man ngayon sa Senado
Kakayanin mo.
Mangaliwa.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1biazon.jpgAdultery Map
China has released an "adultery map" which identified areas where the most number of government officials who are unfaithful to their partners are staying. In the Philippines, that area is called “session hall.”

No Bail
The Sandiganbayan has junked the petitions for temporary liberty filed by Janet Lim-Napoles, Bong Revilla, and his chief of staff Richard Cambe. According to the Sandiganbayan, “There exists strong evidence that accused Revilla, Cambe and Napoles, in conspiracy with one another, committed the capital offense of plunder.” Hence, no bail for Napoles, no bail for Revilla, no bail for Cambe. Sounds like gold, frankincense and myrrh for taxpayers. Merry Christmas!

In a statement, Bong Revilla expressed disappointment that his bail motion was junked. The action star said, “Hindi pa tapos ang laban… darating din ang tamang panahon.” And Vice President Binay was like, “I cannot promise.”

Victims?
A third motorist has surfaced claiming he also had a bad encounter with mauled MMDA traffic enforcer Jorbe Adriatico. All three have denied rumors they were in cahoots with Cedric Lee.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1al1.jpgThe Debutante
Legendary folk singer Freddie Aguilar’s girlfriend, Jovie Albao celebrated her 18th birthday recently. What a milestone! Just a little over two years ago, Jovie admitted she was carbon dating Ka Freddie.

It has been two years since Ka Freddie Aguilar married Jovie. Who could forget that moment? Ka Freddie was a dashing, proud groom while Jovie was a pretty flower girl.

Mass Extinction
Scientists say the planet is on the verge of its sixth mass extinction. With daily Twitter trending topics like #KathNielonGGV, #ChicserInvadesMetropolisAlabang #JaDineForever and #JoshAneRocks, maybe this generation deserves that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“The only thing worse than the guilt was the fear of getting caught.”
~Elin Hilderbrand, A Summer Affair

Sound Bites
"Masyado nang malalim ang atraso ng mga Aquino sa mga Ejercito. Tinanggal na ni Cory Aquino si Erap bilang mayor at presidente. Ngayon naman, tinanggal ako saka si Senator Jinggoy.”
~ER Ejercito, unseated Laguna governor

“Mismong ang Korte Suprema ay inuphold ‘yong desisyon ng Commission on Elections na isang independent constitutional body. Ipinapakita natin sa mga mamamayan na hindi balewala ang mga tadhana ng batas na kinakailangang sundin ang mga patakaran.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma reacting to ER Ejercito’s tirades

Poll Results
https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1pollicon.jpg

Happy December!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Ashley Madison, Nick&Zuzu.com, ABS-CBN News]

professionalheckler

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Leo Beligan
12/12/2014 7:34:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
DISTRUST
by professionalheckler

PAGASA says we should expect cooler days ahead. Apparently, temperatures have dropped. In fact, if the numbers keep dropping, Grace Poe will catch up with it.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1pa.jpg
Reacting to Grace Poe’s surge in the latest survey, Binay defender and UNA interim president Toby Tiangco said, "We are truly happy for Grace because we are the true allies and supporters of her father, the late Fernando Poe Jr.” In response, FPJ was like, “Kung maka-namedrop naman ‘tong kumag na ‘to!”

In the latest Pulse Asia survey, DILG Sec. Mar Roxas has dropped to sixth place. From 13 percent in September, his rating fell to only 6 percent in November. Worse, online bashers say his rating wasn’t even wearing a helmet when it fell.

The Plunge
According to Pulse Asia’s latest survey, Vice President Binay suffered a very significant drop in his trust and approval ratings. Or as the Liberal Party calls it, “Christmas gift.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1binayratings.jpg
The most notable and biggest drop for Vice President Binay came from Class E, considered to be the poorest of the poor: from 71 percent in September to 46 percent in November. Man does not live by cake alone.

Of the government’s top five officials, Vice President Binay registered the highest disapproval and distrust ratings. You know things are getting f*ckd up for Binay when even Frank Drilon is faring better in the trust department.

Vice President Binay is now the most distrusted top government official. Rumors say the level of distrust has gone so high, some recipients of Binay’s cakes are asking the delivery guy to taste it for them first.

Good Deed
Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay has canceled the annual New Year’s Eve countdown party along Ayala Avenue. The 30-million peso budget will be donated instead to local government units nationwide affected by Typhoon Ruby. That's a big boost to those LGUs and an even bigger boost to Binay2016.

Papal Visit
Preparations for the upcoming Papal visit are underway. The Vatican says Pope Francis wants to meet with a group of people who needs his prayers the most. Organizers plan to bring him to Batasan Complex.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1pp.jpg
Heaven
In his recent regular weekly address at St. Peter's Square, Pope Francis declared that animals go to heaven. The statement brought consolation and relief to veterinarians, animal lovers, and congressmen.

Torture
On the occasion of International Human Rights Day, authorities say torture still happens in the Philippines. And it goes by its other name, “traffic.”

Fireworks
Quezon City will strictly limit the sale of fireworks to ensure public safety. Residents are not too happy. They fear that their New Year’s Eve celebration would be very much like the romance between their mayor, Herbert Bautista and Kris Aquino - “wala nang spark.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1hag1.jpg
Enjoying Rape
Starlet Nathalie Hart a.k.a. Princess Snell drew flak from netizens for posting a photo on Instagram with the caption, "According to my dads lesson: If rape is inevitable, lay back and enjoy it! #ihavethebestadvicer #mvdadisthebest hahaha" The starlet has since apologized for the “irresponsible” rape post. She has yet to apologize though for raping basic grammar.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time."
~Abraham Lincoln

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1mar.jpgSound Bites
"All other comments are irrelevant and frankly, reflect more on the people making them.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas reacting to online comments

Have a fun weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.



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Leo Beligan
12/15/2014 7:30:00 PM
A SURPRISE DOJ INSPECTION at the New Bilibid Prison Monday shocked the rich inmates, the jail wardens and Justice Secretary Leila De Lima. Luxury quarters for convicted high-profile drug lords and robbers have wide-screen TV sets, WiFi, airconditioning units, a 60-square-meter music studio, a generator set, a strip bar, a jacuzzi and a sauna. But the rich convicts have already denied owning them and identified Antonio Tiu as the real owner.

At least 19 convicted criminals at the New Bilibid Prison are staying in luxury villas with flat screen TV sets, WiFi, airconditioning units, CCTV cameras, a 60-square-meter music studio, a generator set, a strip bar, a jacuzzi, and a sauna. Some inmates have Rolex, Cartier, Philip Stein, and Officine Panerai watches while one reportedly owned a diamond-studded Patek Philippe. Even Imelda Marcos puked when she heard the news.

Luxury villas at the national penitentiary in Muntinlupa City have wide-screen TV sets, Playstation 4, WiFi, airconditioning units, a music studio, a generator set, a jacuzzi, a sauna and a strip bar. Or as Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla put it, “Hashtag inggit much.”

According to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, the inmates’ quarters “could pass for high-end condominium units.” There were flat screen TV sets, Playstation 4, WiFi, airconditioning units, a music studio, a generator set, a jacuzzi, and a sauna. Take note Mayor Junjun Binay. That’s how you define ‘world-class.’

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1sauna.jpg
Some of the rich inmates who occupied the luxury villas were Peter Co, Eugene Chua, Vicente Sy, George Sy, Tony Co, Willy Chua, Michael Ong, Tom Chua, Jacky King, Willy Sy, and Sam Li Chua. Even Bilibid is now owned by the Chinese.

Found in the luxury ‘kubol’ occupied by convicted drug lord Peter Co were firearms, expensive wine and liquor, cell phones, laptops, a conference table, and a money-counting machine – fueling speculations that Co was not a drug lord but a lawmaker.

High-profile inmate Henry Colangco said one of his expensive watches was a gift from an uncle who is a congressman. Colangco is the leader of a robbery gang. Apparently, it runs in the family.

Banned substance like shabu was also confiscated. Bureau of Corrections Director Franklin Bucayu was quoted to have said that some Bilibid personnel “may have facilitated the entry” of the prohibited items. MAY HAVE?!? No, Mr. Bucayu. They just appeared. It’s called magic. Your men are innocent.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1sexdoll.jpg
Justice Sec. Leila De Lima and a group of NBI officers, who conducted the inspection, also discovered a life-size inflatable sex doll. To be fair to the inmates, even President Aquino found that one “fascinating.”

Confiscated from Peter Co's assistant, Jojo Baligad, also a convicted drug lord, was a life-size inflatable sex doll. Now that explains his Relationship Status on Facebook: It’s Complicated.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1sauna2.jpg
The DOJ ordered the suspension of visiting privileges for the 19 inmates - including conjugal visits. Everyone got mad - except for Jojo Baligad.

The high-profile inmates have since been removed from the New Bilibid Prison and were transferred to the NBI headquarters in Manila. Shady NBI personnel thanked the DOJ for providing them “business opportunities.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“We cannot expect people to have respect for law and order until we teach respect to those we have entrusted to enforce those laws.”
~Hunter S. Thompson

Sound Bites
“Based on our study, their removal from the NBP would validate the combined reports of anti-illegal drugs agency that the inmates control the narcotics industry in the country.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima

Have productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Agence France Presse, GMA News/DZBB, ABS-CBNNews.Com]

professionalheckler |
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Leo Beligan
12/19/2014 8:04:00 PM


Posted: 19 Dec 2014 02:52 AM PST

AN INCUMBENT CONGRESSMAN and two other politicians were found to be the registered owners of several firearms confiscated inside the luxury villa of convicted criminal Peter Co in the New Bilibid Prison. Which explains why when you look up the meaning of the word ‘politician’ in the latest edition of the Oxford English Dictionary, it says there, “See criminal.”

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Official records reveal a Walther PPK pistol found inside the ‘kubol’ of drug lord Peter Co is registered under the name of Guimaras Rep. Joaquin Carlos Rahman Nava. Sources say Nava can’t wait to deny his links to the convicted drug lord. The public can’t wait to not believe him.

Bilibid Balladeer
Henry Colanggo, the convicted leader of the Waray-Waray and Ozamiz bank robbery group and one of the inmates living in a luxury villa inside the national penitentiary is also a recording artist. In fact, in the recent PMPC Star Awards for Music, he won Best New Male Recording Artist even besting the talented and very popular rapper-songwriter Abra. The award made Colanggo happy but he made the PMPC ha??ier.

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Critics say the PMPC had lost its credibility when it gave the award to a convicted robbery gang leader. Which begs the question, what credibility?

Happy, Hopeful Christmas
According to a Social Weather Stations survey, 7 out of 10 Filipinos expect a happy Christmas. The other three were Bong, Jinggoy and Enrile.

In a recent survey, the SWS asked some 1,800 respondents if they were expecting a happy Christmas this year. It’s a YES according to 64 percent of Filipinos in Metro Manila; 72 percent in the rest of Luzon; 71 percent in Mindanao; 72 percent in the Visayas, and 0 percent in the Maximum Security Compound of the New Bilibid Prison.

According to Pulse Asia, 34 percent of Filipinos are expecting a more prosperous Christmas season for their families this year. And the Binays were like, “True!”

The Advice
Speaking before youth members of the Jesus is Lord Church Movement, President Aquino called on the youth to discuss politics and government instead of spending time on selfies and Clash of Clans. Such encouraging words from someone who quit playing video games at the age of 50.

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Using UP’s grading system, the Senate subcommittee on public services recently conducted an MRT-3 commuters’ survey. Of the 13 stations, four got a [failing] grade of 5.0: Taft Avenue, Shaw Boulevard, Cubao, and GMA-Kamuning. The Santolan-Annapolis station got a 2.75 while Ayala and Magallanes stations were both given a 2.5. The rest received a grade of 3. When UP students were asked about the MRT survey, they said, “It was fun!” When Ateneo students were asked about the same MRT survey, they replied, “What’s MRT?”

Booked
For the first time, US Marine Lance Corporal Joseph Scott Pemberton, the suspect in the murder of transgender Jennifer Laude appeared before the sala of Olongapo City Judge Roline Ginez-Jabalde. Throughout the hearing, Pemberton was noticeably staring at Judge Jabalde, checking if she’s really female.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/colla1.jpgSimbang Gabi
The annual Simbang Gabi started last Tuesday. Some friends are determined to complete the nine-day series of dawn masses. I’m hoping to see them get promoted to Level 2 Catholic.

Birthday Pope
Last December 17, Pope Francis turned 78. Or as Senator Enrile would say, “So young!”

Online Censorship
The Belarus government has tightened its control of online media. A bill that seeks to shut down online content deemed offensive by the government has been endorsed by Information Minister Titus Sottoshenko.

Stroke
A recent study has revealed that garbled text messages may be a sign of stroke. Unless the “garbled” messages were sent by some Filipinos. They’re just probably jejenese. Eow kua! muZta na poWz! Klala mo p q? Jejeje #kathnielislove #joshanerocksdavao #jejeje

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/index1.jpgThreatened
Sony cancelled the showing of the movie ‘The Interview’ – a political comedy about a fictional plot to kill North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un after hackers believed to be sponsored by North Korea threatened to launch an attack. Maybe these North Korean wackos can do something about the annual MMFF.
——————————————————————————————————————
“Equality before the law is probably forever unattainable. It is a noble ideal, but it can never be realized, for what men value in this world is not rights but privileges.”
~ H.L. Mencken

Sound Bites
“Walang problema kahit malaki ang sa kanya, maliit lang sa akin; advantage s’ya ok lang ‘yan.”
~Manny Pacquiao on Mayweather’s proposed purse split in the event of a super fight

“We agree with the prosecution that to allow the accused-movant to leave his detention cell will not only set a bad precedent, but will likewise be regarded as a mockery of the administration of justice.”
~The Sandiganbayan on Jinggoy’s request to spend Christmas in his home.

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: House of Representatives
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Leo Beligan
12/22/2014 7:29:00 PM
Christmas Message
of
His Excellency Benigno S. Aquino III
President of the Philippines
[Taped last December 20, 2014 at the Rizal Ceremonial Hall, Malacañan Palace]

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Mga minamahal kong kababayan,

Kaisa n’yo po ako at ang aking Gabinete gayundin ang mga lingkod-bayan sa ating pamahalaan sa pagdiriwang ng Kapaskuhan.

Sa kabila ng maraming pagsubok na pinagdaanan natin ngayong taon, ako ay humahanga, nagagalak at nagpapasalamat dahil nakatayo pa rin tayong lahat at sama-samang sasalubungin ang isang bagong bukas.

Ang kwento ng Pasko ay hindi nalalayo sa mga pangyayari sa ating paligid.

Ipinakita ng tatlong haring mago ang debosyon sa bagong silang na manunubos sa pamamagitan ng pag-aalay ng mga regalo. Ganyan din po ang ginawa ni Secretary Butch Abad, ang mamahagi, sa abot ng kanyang makakaya at kapangyarihan, ng pondo sa mga mambabatas para sa ikabubuti ng kani-kanilang nasasakupan.

Ang mga haring dumalaw kay Hesus ang dapat nating tularan – hindi ang tatlong taong ‘di ko na papangalanan – sa halip na magbigay ay sila pa ang kumukuha ng salapi ng taumbayan. Ang resulta – magpa-Pasko sila sa kulungan. Salamat sa Sandiganbayan.

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Si Hesukristo ay isinilang sa sabsaban upang maging halimbawa ng kababaang-loob at simpleng pamumuhay. Walang aircon units, walang music studio, walang WiFi, walang jacuzzi at lalong walang sex toy.

Nang maganap ang banal na pagsilang, ang nasa paligid nina Jesus, Maria at Jose ay mga pastol, mga tupa, at mga tuyong tangkay ng halaman at dayami. Walang orchid garden, walang rancho ng kabayo, walang cock farm, walang swimming pool, walang mansion, at lalong walang airconditioned piggery.

Katulad ng mga bituing naging gabay ng mga pantas patungo sa sabsaban, kailangan din po ng mga Pilipino ang patunubay tungo sa magandang kinabukasan. Upang makatiyak na tuwid na daan ang ating tatahakin, hindi lamang isa, hindi lamang dalawa kundi tatlong tala ang kakailanganin. Paki-click na lang po ang image na ito upang makita n’yo ang ibig kong sabihin.

Ngayong Pasko, marapat lamang nating isabuhay at pahalagahan ang mga nagawa ng Panginoon. Gamitin nating ehemplo ang anak niyang si Hesus sa araw-araw nating pamumuhay. Hindi man po sa pagmamalaki, ginagawa ko na po ‘yan. Single si Hesus, single pa rin ako. Ako na ang mabuting Kristiyano!

Sa huli, samahan n’yo po ako sa isang panalangin. Nawa’y ang mga taong nasa panig ng kadiliman ay magising sa katotohanang hindi kailanman magtatagumpay ang kasamaan. To quote John 8:12 And Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Mar my words! Totoo poe ‘yan!

Isang maligayang Pasko at masaganang bagong taon po sa inyong lahat!

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P.S. Suportahan po natin ang pelikulang Feng Shui 2 ng kapatid kong si Kris, an official entry to the 2014 Metro Manila Film Festival. Kakaiba po ang ginawa niyang pagtili sa sequel na ‘yan. In short, pinaghirapan po n’ya ang proyekto. Suportahan naman natin. #FengShuiforBestPicture #AwardsForCocoandKris #TopGrosser #Number1 #surena #PraybeytBenjaminBasura #BimbyFortheWinThough

.
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Leo Beligan
12/27/2014 7:09:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
http://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
PAGE 2014: A YEAR-ENDER
by professionalheckler

A LOOK BACK at the year’s unforgettable moments: triumphs, tragedies and controversies, and the people – good or bad – who made the headlines.

This is… Page 2014: A Year-End Report

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Story of the Year
The unprecedented arrest of three senators: Bong Revilla, Jinggoy Estrada,
and Juan Ponce Enrile for the crime of plunder

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Exposé of the Year
The alleged anomalies in Makati City involving Vice President Binay,
his family and associates

The Top 7 of 2014

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1w.jpgWinners
1: The Filipino taxpayers - “Jail to the thief!”
2: Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales and her staff
3: Justice Sec. Leila De Lima and her staff
4: President Aquino – ends the year with the highest trust/approval rating among the top government officials
5: Project NOAH; PAGASA forecasters and weather specialists
6: The proponents and supporters of the Reproductive Health Law – upheld as constitutional by the Supreme Court; the proponents of the 'The Graphic Health Warnings Law'
7: Michael Christian Martinez, the first Filipino Winter Olympian
Special Mention:
The Voice Kids finalists: Darren, Lyca, Juan Karlos, Darlene
Teen basketball phenom Kobe Paras
Youth Olympics gold medalist Gabriel Luis Moreno (Archery)
The NU Bulldogs and its sports program
Princess Mary Superal, winner of the U.S. Girls' Junior Golf Championship in Arizona
Alyssa Valdez and the Ateneo Lady Eagles #HeartStrong

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/1mrt.jpgLosers
1: Jinggoy, Bong, Enrile
2: Vice President Binay: Trust and approval ratings plummet / Binay chickens out of debate
3: Janet Napoles and sacked Sandiganbayan Associate Justice Gregory Ong
4: Budget Sec. Butch Abad and other DAP proponents as SC rules: It’s unconstitutional
5: The MRT (Controversies, glitches, accidents, long lines, etc)
6: Arrested: Communist Party of the Philippines Chairman Benito Tiamzon and wife Wilma Tiamzon; retired Major General Jovito Palparan and Globe Asiatique's Delfin Lee
7: Raided and transferred: Rich inmates at the New Bilibid Prison

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/1.jpgVillains
1: Cedric Lee and friends
2: US Marine Private First Class Joseph Scott Pemberton
3: Tau Gamma Phi Fraternity members for the reported hazing and death of a College of St. Benilde student in June, and another neophyte in Tagkawayan, Quezon last November
4: The SUV driver who hit and dragged an MMDA constable eventually killing him
5: The police-suspects in the EDSA-Mandaluyong robbery-abduction case, and the Biñan cops involved in the ‘Wheel of Torture’ game in a Laguna jail
6: Maserati driver Joseph Russel Abacan who punched and dragged another MMDA constable
7: Daily monstrous traffic in the metro

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1bong.jpgWTF Was That?!?
1: Bong Revilla’s toy truck (First privilege speech)
2: Bong Revilla’s music video (Second privilege speech)
3: Bong Revilla’s ‘Bible-quoting’ shirt on the day he was arrested
4: ABS-CBN’s #MisteryosongSakit sa Pangasinan report: Hoax alert!
5: Manuel “Boy” Mejorada on his case against Drilon: “Based on Wikipedia” AND Atty. Renato Bondal on the price of Makati cakes: “Hula-hula lang!”
6: Ako Bicol Party-list Representatives Christopher Co and Rodel Batocabe’s “Bawal Sumingit sa Linya” bill
7: Lito Atienza’s proposed measure seeking to ban the airing of Koreanovelas on primetime TV

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/1nb.jpgAgaw-Eksena!
1: Nancy Binay’s gown
2: DILG Secretary Mar Roxas to a staff member of the Wack Wack Golf and Country Club: “’Tang-i*@! Kailan pa nagkaroon ng ganyang rules!?! ’Tang-i*@! Walang bawal-bawal sa akin!”
3: Anne Curtis to Sam Concepcion: “Why are you here? Who invited you? You are not classy enough to be here!”
4: Mommy Dionisia’s voodoo act vs. boxer Timothy Bradley
5: Bonfire! The UP Fighting Maroons put an end to a 27-game losing streak in the UAAP men’s basketball
6: The sprawling Philippine Arena of the Iglesia Ni Cristo in Bulacan, the largest of its kind in the world
7: Billy Crawford goes berserk in a police station

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/mir.jpgThis Is War!
1: Vice President Binay vs. Sen. Antonio Trillanes, Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano, and Sen. Koko Pimentel
2: The Binays vs. former ally, ex-Makati Vice Mayor Nestor Mercado
3: Antonio Tiu vs. the Senate blue ribbon sub-committee
4: Tacloban City Mayor Alfred Romualdez vs. rehab czar Panfilo Lacson
5: Vhong Navarro vs. Cedric Lee
6: Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago vs. Cancer
7: Sharon Cuneta vs. her weight

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/leila1.jpgAhnyareh?
1: The highly-touted Gilas Pilipinas in the Asian Games
2: The Kris Aquino-Herbert Bautista Romance
3: Manny Pacquiao, the basketeer and head coach
4: Nonito Donaire
5: TV5 [Big-name talents like Sharon and Aga have decided to leave]
6: News anchor Paolo Bediones puts the "bedio" in Bediones
7: BIR’s Shame Campaign

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/1er.jpgGoing… Going… Gone!
1: PNP Chief Alan Purisima
2: ER Ejercito
3: Naturalized Filipino Andray Blatche [formerly] of Gilas Pilipinas
4: Former Benhur Luy lawyer Levito Baligod
5: Willie Revillame
6: Flappy Bird
7: Nokia, the brand name was ditched by Microsoft from its new smartphones

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1mar.jpgThe Bashed! [They have become magnets for (online) criticism.]
1: Korina Sanchez and Mar Roxas
2: Nancy Binay
3: Manny Pacquiao, the politician
4: Chicser (a local boy group)
5: Charice
6: Kris Aquino
7: Coach Lea Salonga during the blind auditions

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YES! (Proposals and Weddings - Showbiz Style)
1: Sen. Chiz Escudero and Heart Evangelista
2: Dingdong Dantes and Marian Rivera
3: JC Intal and Bianca Gonzalez
4: Aiza Seguerra and Liza Diño
5: John Prats and Isabel Oli
6: Chito Miranda and Neri Naig
7: Nyoy Volante and Mikkie Bradshaw

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One World
1: Malaysia Airlines' ill-fated Flights 370 and 17
2: Ebola outbreak
3: The ISIS Attacks
4: Hong Kong's Umbrella Revolution
5: The Sochi Olympic Games
6: Robin Williams
7: FIFA World Cup

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#Trending, Fads and Faves
1: Makeup Transformation
2: Ice Bucket Challenge
3: All of Me by John Legend
4: Spotify
5: Flappy Bird
6: Loom Bands
7: The Kramers: Doug, Cheska, Kendra, Scarlett and Gavin
Special Mention:
Paolo Ballesteros

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/1bw.jpgBuzz Words and Phrases
1: Boom panes!
2: Hugot
3: World-class
4: Hacienda Binay
5: Parking Building
6: Elevator
7: Nognog

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/1ai.jpgIt Figures
38: The number of women with whom Senator Enrile had had an affair according to his wife, Cristina Castañer-Enrile

13 percent: Vice President Binay’s alleged kickback from each infrastructure project in Makati City according to former close friend, and ex-Makati City vice mayor Nestor Mercado

19: The number of high-profile Bilibid inmates transferred to the NBI headquarters following a recent raid at the NBP

P306.75: The cost of each cake given to birthday and anniversary celebrators in Makati City according to city hall officials

14: The number of days Kris Aquino and Herbert Bautista were “officially” an item.

7: The final rank of Gilas Pilipinas in the Incheon Asian Games; the country’s worst men’s basketball finish ever in the quadrennial meet

21: The age of Ai-Ai De Las Alas’s current boyfriend - Gerald Sibayan, a former badminton varsity player in DLSU-Manila; she’s 50

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/index3.jpgMore! More!
1: Cases vs. corrupt politicians
2: Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s witticisms
3: Sen. Grace Poe-Llamanzares
4: Peabody, Emmy and other international recognition for original Filipino TV programs
5: The Legaspi Twins: Mavy and Cassy
6: Aquino & Abunda Tonight
7: Comedian Boobay of the game show Celebrity Bluff

Enough Already!
1: “News” articles that should fall under the category, “This should be news because?”
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2: ABS-CBN News.Com’s trademark “Why [insert name of celeb here] trended online” | SERIOUSLY, who gives a flying fuck?!
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3: Vacuous, pointless, and mostly, bot-generated “trending” topics on Twitter Philippines
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4: The PMPC Star Awards - unless they institute reforms
4.1 A dime a dozen “media awards” given by just about every school, college, or university in the galaxy to radio/TV programs and personalities

5: That song called Boom Panes.

6: Gullible people who ferociously react to fake news items online, and then re-post it. Think before you click idiots.

7: Toby Tiangco. Period.

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In Memoriam: Notable Deaths
1: Entertainment: Mark Gil, Myrna "Tiya Pusit" Villanueva, Tado Jimenez, Roy Alvarez, Roldan Aquino, Ramil Rodriguez, Sampaguita Pictures owner Azucena Vera-Perez, Elaine Gamboa Cuneta, former EB Babes Maico Bartolome (drowned/Bulacan field trip)

2: Sports: Ely Capacio, former UP Maroon and PBA player Bryan Gahol, Olympian Anthony Villanueva, Kurt Bachmann, racecar driver Enzo Pastor

3: Government: Sen. Juan Flavier, Justice Serafin R. Cuevas, Jerry Barican, Raul M. Gonzalez, former senator Vicente Paterno, former NBI Chief Epimaco Velasco, former House Sec. Gen. Roberto P. Nazareno, Jesus T. Tanchanco Sr., Raul I. Goco

4: Media: veteran newscaster Harry Gasser, Manila Bulletin Publisher Don Emilio T. Yap, columnist and radio host Alvin Capino, Johnny "Johnny Midnight" Joseph, Raffy Marcelo

5: Fashion: Paul Herrera, Kenneth Chua, Aureo Alonzo

6: National Artists: Abdulmari Asia Imao, Ildefonso P. Santos, Jr., Francisco Feliciano

7: Claudine Barretto’s showbiz career

Sound Bites: The Quotable Quotes of the Year


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“Malinis ang kunsensya ko. I can look straight into your eyes Tita Ruby, you never brought any money to me.”
~Jinggoy Estrada

“The truth will set you free, as they say. So I decided to tell the truth so I don’t have to fear anyone. I don’t have to hide.”
~Socialite Ruby Tuason, close family friend and former Estrada aide

“Wala po akong pakialam kung murahin ako ng buong Pilipinas. Hindi ko kailangan ang palakpak ng buong taong bayan. ‘Di ko kailangang maniwala sila sa akin. And ‘di ako tatakbo sa politics, ‘di ko kailangan ang boto nila. ‘Di rin po ako mag-a-artista o magsho-showbiz, murahin nila ako kung gusto nila.”
~Businessman Cedric Lee

“If this guy would go to Davao and start to unload, pag nakita ko siya in the commission of a crime, I will gladly kill him. Siyempre hihintayin ko siyang lumabas. Pag lumaban ito and he puts up a good fight, I will not hesitate. I will do it for my country.”
~Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte on alleged rice smuggler David Tan/Davidson Bangayan

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“I feel like a real champion.”
~Filipino Winter Olympian Michael Christian Martinez moments after making it to the Top 24

“I don’t think it’s an affair anymore. It’s a necessity.”
~Cristina Castañer-Enrile on the reported affair of her husband Juan Ponce Enrile with his chief of staff Gigi Reyes

“So kasalanan lahat ng mga babae? Walang kasalanan si senator kasi lalaki lang siya, natural lang. Gano’n ba?”
~Lawyer Gigi Reyes reacting to Cristina Enrile’s revelations

“Mrs. Enrile has her own reasons for muddling the facts, painting her own picture of her marriage and laying the blame on women, who, she said, were the ones who ‘offered themselves’ to her husband. Excuse me, I certainly did not offer myself to him.”
~ Again, lawyer Gigi Reyes reacting to Cristina Enrile’s revelations

“I apologize if we couldn’t act even faster.”
~President Aquino on the slow government response to Typhoon Yolanda

“Ako, gusto ko ring mag-cleansing sa Senado, kung pwede lang ba dahil non-educable nga sila. Naging propesor ako sa UP but I’ve never seen such a group so resistible to education as the Philippine Senate.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

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Melanie Marquez: Apart from love, what else do you think we need?
Candidate: Thank you so much for that wonderful question. I think aside from love, all we need is beauty. Well, beauty is not about physical appearance alone. It is about what is inside of you. It is how you share, how you inspire other people, and through that we can achieve unity and it goes on and on and on.
~Bb. Pilipinas 2014

“Why are you here? Who invited you? You are not classy enough to be here!”
~A drunk Anne Curtis to Sam Concepcion

“It’s a triumph of reason over superstition.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago reacting to the SC’s decision on the RH Law

“Kris is too good looking to be dating Herbert. That’s all I have to say about it.”
~Former Makati representative Teddyboy Locsin

“And if the lines are long, we sincerely apologize to our fellow citizens about this difficulty. We are in the process now of acquiring the coaches.”
~Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda to MRT riders

“’Yong MRT lang ba ang puwedeng sakyan doon sa mga rutang dinadaanan nito? Baka naman puwedeng matuklasan ‘yong iba pang mga options. Hindi naman siksikan ‘yong mga bus na ‘yon.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma

“Bakit ako magli-leave of absence? Malinis ang aking konsensya. Wala akong kasalanan. Wala akong ninakaw sa taumbayan.”
~Jinggoy Estrada

“Those are suspicions of a wife,”
~Senator Enrile on his estranged wife, Cristina Enrile’s claim that he had an affair with 38 other women

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“’Tang-i*@! Kailan pa nagkaroon ng ganyang rules!?! ’Tang-i*@! Walang bawal-bawal sa akin!”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas berating a staff of the Wack Wack Golf and Country Club

“Alam ko kapag sinusunug-sunog ka, humahaba ang buhay mo. Ok lang. Keri! I must be in a good place right now, so they can burn me. Go ahead!”
~Kris Aquino reacting to protesting Hacienda Luisita farmers who torched her effigy

“Nagalit na naman ang aking kapatid. Sabi n’ya, nagpapapogi lang ako at his expense. I’ll have to be honest. Jinggoy and I are not close. He’s always furious with me.”
~JV Ejercito after signing the Senate’s pork scam report

“You say you’re happy? I don’t see that. With your face all botoxed and all, I don’t see that.”
~Claudine Barretto to sister Gretchen

“I am astounded to learn that I was supposed to have received a birthday gift from her one time 10 years ago in 2004. This never happened. I did not receive any such gift, in cash or kind, from Ms Napoles or her company nor through emissaries then and up to now.”
~Korina Sanchez

“I vehemently and in the strongest of terms deny knowing Janet Napoles at all and just as strongly deny receiving any gift in whatever form from her.”
~Mike Enriquez

“My God! Kung alam ko lang na ‘yong computer eh Napoles, hindi ko na tinanggap ‘yon. Kaliit-liit naman no’n.”
~Sen. Cynthia Villar whose name was mentioned in the Napoles affidavit

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“Well sa akin, ‘yong internal bleeding, mahirap idahilan ‘yon; kailangang ipakita din ‘yon.”
~Sen. Sonny Angara on Janet Napoles

“Our patient is human; she has her urges.”
~Dr. Efren Domingo, Janel Napoles’s personal doctor

“Bata pa lamang ako ay natuto na akong maghanap-buhay. Sa biyaya ng Diyos, sa aking tiyaga, sipag at pawis, at sa tulong ng mga taong nakilala ko, ito ay aking napalago hanggang sa aking narating ngayon.”
~Janet Lim-Napoles (Affidavit)

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“Tama na po ang awayan, tigilan na ang pulitika ng paghihiwalay. Tama na ang pambebengga.”
~Bong Revilla, June 9, 2014. Privilege Speech 2

“Kung mayroon man akong hindi napaligaya sa aking privilege speech, tayo ay humihingi ng paumanhin sa kanila. Iyong awitin na iyon ay inihandog ko sa 20 milyong kataong sumuporta sa akin.”
~Bong Revilla to critics of his privilege speecg with music video

“Papaano tayo makakatakbo kung nakakulong tayo? Pero malay mo, for the first time nakakulong pero nanalo pa.”
~Bong Revilla on running for president in 2016

“Lalabas ang katotohanan at maaabswelto tayo dito.”
~Bong Revilla, Imus, Cavite 6.19.2014

“We’re accomplishing what some people said was a near impossible task: to have these big personalities who are perceived as untouchable finally prosecuted.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima

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“The mere fact na makukulong na naman ako, tumatayo ng balahibo ko e. Iniisip ko ang mga anak ko.”
~Jinggoy Estrada

“Wala pala talagang somewhere down the road para sa inyo and you can’t stop crying because ‘yong future na inakala mo, ‘yong pinagdarasal mo, that future that kept you going, that dream just disappears.”
~Kris Aquino

“We are going to pursue all those people who are instrumental in the heinous murder of this particular individual. This should not continue.”
~Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda on the death of a CSB student due to hazing

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“I’ve said it before, I say it again now. It is stupid, katangahan and kabobohan to allow your body to be beaten to a pulp by so-called brothers who had you convinced they will care for you the rest of your life. Our young are falling prey to and are being devoured by their quest for power via a brotherhood that is fake.”
~Inquirer Ma. Ceres P. Doyo, Frat torturers and their victims are weaklings

“I’ve never been unfaithful.”
~Former senator Kiko Pangilinan when asked by ‘Walang Pasaway’ host Mareng Winnie Monsod if he ever cheated on Sharon Cuneta

“Yes! I have cancer. Now I am entering another dimension of human life.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

“I did [ask Dad] at dineny niya sa akin. Wala daw siyang ninakaw na halagang maski piso daw po.”
~Jack Enrile

“You are shameless. You slept with a man who is not even your husband.”
~ Fr. Romeo Obach to an unwed, teenage mom during a baptismal ceremony in Mandaue City

“I have decided not to accept his resignation. To accept his resignation is to assign to him a wrong and I cannot accept the notion that doing right by our people is wrong.”
~President Aquino on Sec. Butch Abad

“For the past 100 years, itinuturo po ng aming simbahan ang kusang pagkakaloob. Ito naman po ay walang pilitan. Kung anuman ang aming nakalap ay nagagamit lamang para sa mga pangangailangan ng simbahan.”
~Bro. Edwin Zabala, INC spokesperson

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“Hindi n’ya ho ka-level si Senator Trillanes. My father will not stoop down to his level.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

“Dito sa Davao, maraming babaeng hipon. When I say Hi, you say pon!”
~Comedian Ramon Bautista hosting an event in Davao City

“Kawawa ang kapatid ko. The senators have the upper hand. Trial court ba ito? Ang feeling ko kulang na lang, ‘yong mga kasamahan ko ukitan ako dito sa noo ko ng M, magnanakaw.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

“There’s no truth to it. It doesn’t affect me.”
~Sen. Grace Poe on rumors that Ferdinand Marcos and Rosemarie Sonora (Susan Roces’s sister) are her real parents

“It’s world class.”
~Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay on the allegedly overpriced Makati City Parking Bldg.

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“Me, in Binay’s pocket? I will have my head chopped off before a live audience by anyone who can prove that! Life is too short to waste on sucking up to a dynasty that I’m bent on crushing. No to Binay in 2016! Quote me, please!”
~Activist Mae Paner a.k.a. Juana Change

“Siguro that’s their opinion, ‘di ba? ‘Di ba, parang beauty din ‘yan eh. It’s in the eyes of the beholder. Siguro ganoon din yun sa building, ‘di ba? Para sa kanila, hindi ganoon kagandahan pero sa amin maganda na yan.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

S’yempre, I’m honored, but also I’m relieved that I wasn’t made ninong, ‘di ba?”
~President Aquino on being Chiz Escudero’s best man

I can’t contain myself if I’m under the influence of alcohol.”
~Billy Crawford

“’Wag naman nating lahatin na kasama sa criminal gangs at criminal activities. Ninety nine percent, the overwhelming majority of the police forces, ay ginagawa ang trabaho nila sa mabuting paraan.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas

“Sabi niya ‘Ma’am, natanggap ko na ‘yong cake, ang sarap ng cake.’ Parang hindi ko tuloy alam, idi-deny ko ba eh parang tuwang-tuwa s’ya sa cake. Pag deniny ko, baka hindi na matuwa sa akin dahil hindi pala ako ang nag-bake no’n.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

“Hindi ko hinanap ‘to talaga, hindi ko hinanap. Dumating na lang siya talaga sa buhay ko.”
~Comedienne Ai Ai delas Alas on her 20-year-old boyfriend from DLSU

“It’s show time!”
~Cedric Lee to Vhong Navarro after his release from jail

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“Maraming nakikisawsaw, hindi lang Gabriela. Alam naman nating malapit na ang election, sila ‘yong maiingay na naghahanap lang ng issue. Ganoon lang kasimple iyon.”
~Richard Gomez on the controversial Coco Martin number in the annual Bench flesh fest

“Kasi gusto n’ya sikat agad siya, ‘yan ang nasa utak niya. Sarili lang niya ang iniisip niya eh.”
~Former PBA star Ramon ‘El Presidente’ Fernandez blasting Gilas Pilipinas head coach Chot Reyes
“My soul is male, but I’m not going to go through that stage where I’m going to change everything.”
~Charice as interviewed by Oprah

“Malinaw ang misyon ng grupong ito: guluhin ang imbestigasyon ng Senate Blue Ribbon Sub-Committee at ilayo ang pansin ng media sa mga isyu ng korupsyon laban sa pamilya Binay. They picked the name Oplan Maligno since they expect the disinformation campaign to gain traction before the Halloween.”
~LP stalwart and Caloocan City Rep. Edgar Erice

“Mr. Erice, stop looking at the mirror. I’m sure naisip n’ya ‘yon no’ng pagtingin n’ya sa salamin at nakita n’ya ang sarili n’ya.”
~UNA’s Toby Tiangco

“Our place in Batangas.”
~Joanna Marie Binay on Instagram

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“Ako ho ang naghamon, wala hong atrasan ‘to kung ako ho ang tatanungin ninyo. Basta’t magkakaharapan po tayo.”
~Vice President Binay

“Ang dahilan ko, mga kababayan, ay dahil marami na akong naririnig. Na siya ay ganito, ako ay mahusay, ako ay debater, ako ay abogado, eh sobra na ang mga salitang ganyan, na kumpirmadong sinabi niya. Eh ayoko naman pong ‘yong pagkakakila n’yo sa akin, mga kababayan, ay mapang-api, mapagsamantala. Na itong isang tao ito ay alam mo namang kawawa, tanga o whatever, pinagsamantalahan ko. So tama na yun. Ayoko na.”
~Vice President Binay

“”For the sake of the country, sana umatras na siya at itigil na ang panloloko sa taumbayan, at kung magtuloy-tuloy siya dahil alam niyang may kikitain siya sa pagka-presidente, sana makita ng mga kababayan natin ang tunay na pagkatao niya.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV

“Ipinapaalala ni Pangulong Aquino ang kahalagahan ng paggawad ng katarungan para sa marami pang nakabinbing [isyu] bunsod ng diktadurya, kabilang na ang human rights violations at alleged ill-gotten wealth.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma reacting to Bongbong Marcos’s call for an end to the “feud” between the Marcos and the Aquino families

“Masyado nang malalim ang atraso ng mga Aquino sa mga Ejercito. Tinanggal na ni Cory Aquino si Erap bilang mayor at presidente. Ngayon naman, tinanggal ako saka si Senator Jinggoy.”
~ER Ejercito, unseated Laguna governor

“That’s out of the question. He’s not running for vice president. He prefers to tend to his business than run for vice president.”
~Sen. Cynthia Villar on former senator Manny Villar

“Sana huwag na po nating bigyan ng kulay. Kawawa na nga ho ‘yong tao, nando’n na at sumemplang na nga ho at pasalamat po tayo — pasalamat po kami, at least, hindi ho nasaktan si Secretary Mar.”
~Deputy palace spokesperson Abigail Valte

“All other comments are irrelevant and frankly, reflect more on the people making them.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas reacting to online criticisms

“Based on our study, their removal from the NBP would validate the combined reports of anti-illegal drugs agency that the inmates control the narcotics industry in the country.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima

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“Walang problema kahit malaki ang sa kanya, maliit lang sa akin; advantage s’ya ok lang ‘yan.”
~Manny Pacquiao on Mayweather’s proposed purse split in the event of a super fight
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“News is not just about information from media, it's the current revelation of the two changing worlds of the good and the dark worlds.”
~ Wayne Chirisa

Happy New Year!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Inquirer.Net, PhilStar.Com, Rappler.Com, ABSCBNNews.COm, GMANews.Com, Interaksyon.Com, Gov.Ph, Office of the Vice Presiden, Spin.Ph, Yahoo Philippines, Philippine Entertainment Portal]

professionalheckler | PMpSat, 27 Dec 2014 12:36:20 +000036Saturday 18, 2007 at 7:02 p12 | Tags: jinggoy bong enrile jailed, makati city anomalies, political humor, pornk barrel scam, professional heckler, vice president binay, year-ender 2014 | Categories: Hodgepodge | URL: http://wp.me/p4c4v-4M1


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Leo Beligan
1/3/2015 11:41:00 AM
IN HIS NEW YEAR’S DAY message, President Aquino said, “Tiwala akong malinaw na sa inyo kung sino ang mga tunay na kakampi ng taumbayan, at kung sino ang nagpapanggap lamang.” To which Vice President Binay replied, “Choppy ka. Choppy. Ikot ka nang konti. Wala akong marinig.”

Hopeful
A majority of Filipinos: 93 percent – say they are entering 2015 with hope. The remaining 7 percent of Filipinos have gotten tired of saying the same thing every year.

Ninety-three percent of Filipinos entered the New Year with hope. As in previous years, Filipinos should expect some highs and some lows in 2015. In fact, starting next week, the government is letting us experience some highs: the MRT and LRT fare hike.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/911.jpgFewer
The number of firecracker-related injuries from the recent New Year’s Eve revelry was fewer compared to figures from last year. Observers attributed this positive development to the Health Department’s decision to prevent Dr. Eric Tayag from making another Iwas-Paputok dance video.

Papal Visit
Reports say Pope Francis will be welcomed by President Aquino in Malacañang on January 16. The Pope and the President for the first time together. Wow. It’s the highly-anticipated meeting between an old, celibate devout Catholic, and Pope Francis.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/9.jpgNo Show
American R&B/hip-hop singer-songwriter Chris Brown was a no-show at his scheduled performance at the Philippine Arena on New Year’s Eve. He decided to cancel his appearance at the very last minute. Brown has since denied rumors his decision to not show up was influenced by Toby Tiangco, Jonvic Remulla and JV Bautista.

Cold
Temperature in Baguio continues to drop. Last Friday, temperature fell to 11 degrees Celsius. It’s really cold in Baguio City right now. If the trend continues, temperature could plunge to record lows and the weather’s going to be really cold. Just how cold? You know, like ‘Noynoy Aquino love life’ levels.

Discovery
Archeologists have discovered what they claim to be the oldest prehistoric tool. The artifact is 1.2 million years old and has an engraving that reads, “If found, please return to the owner: Juan Ponce Enrile.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/1traslacion.jpgNazareno
The annual ‘Traslacion’ or procession of the revered Black Nazarene happens next week. Former Manila mayor Alfredo Lim is a known devotee. Incumbent Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada is a known de-bote.

Apology
Facebook has apologized for its Year in Review feature that highlighted even its users’ painful 2014 memories. It has yet to apologize though for its “Seen” feature on Facebook chat.

Facebook gave its users an option to post a computer-generated Year in Review. It’s a recap of stuff you posted on Facebook in 2014 – otherwise known as “Who cares?!”

Second Chance?
Observers believe Kris Aquino is still in love with Herbert Bautista. Last December 28, the Quezon City mayor visited the TV host in her home. During his post-Christmas visit, did you know what Bistek gave Kris? False hope.

MMFF 2014
The Robin Padilla-starrer ‘Bonifacio: Ang Unang Pangulo’ took home the lion's share of the awards in the recently-concluded MMFF 2014 Awards Night but failed to attract a large audience. Apparently, some moviegoers lost interest in watching the film when a spoiler came out online that the main character would die.

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The 2014 Metro Manila Film Festival is over. Congratulations to the producers of 'The Amazing Praybeyt Benjamin' for yet another successful ‘Trash to Cash’ venture.
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“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”
~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Sound Bites
"Pansinin naman natin 'yong pagbawas doon sa overall number of injuries. Magbigay naman tayo ng kaunting kredito na nagkaroon din naman ng positibong epekto ito. Kaya nga lang, mas magiging epektibo kung talagang makikiisa na ang mga mamamayan at iiwas na talaga sa mapanganib na paputok lalo na 'yong pinagbabawal."
~Communications Secretary Sonny Coloma on the government’s Iwas Paputok campaign

Happy New Year!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: President Aquino: RTVM; Firecracker Victim: Aaron Favila/AP; Chris Brown: Direct Lyrics.Com; Traslacion: Andy Bais/FB; APB: Star Cinema]

professionalheckler
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Leo Beligan
1/19/2015 11:07:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
THE PAPAL VISIT: A POSTSCRIPT (WHO AM I TO JUDGE?)
by professionalheckler

POPE FRANCIS has left the Philippines. Many Filipinos can now go back to doing what they love most: hating one another.

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Last Sunday morning, Pope Francis visited The Pontifical and Royal University of Santo Tomas, The Catholic University of the Philippines for the “Encounter with the Youth” event. One of the speakers was a former street kid who asked the Pope why God allows children to suffer from prostitution and drug addiction. The Pope said there was no answer to that question. But President Aquino disagreed and said it wasn’t God who’s at fault but the previous administration.

Distractions
In his homily, Pope Francis mentioned about faith and distractions. He said, “We forget to remain, at heart, children of God because of the promise of ephemeral pleasures and superficial pastimes, such as ‘tinkering with gadgets.’ The crowd missed that part of the homily because they were editing some cellphone photos.

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Responding to Pope Francis’s message to Filipinos, Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle said, “Every Filipino wants to go with you.” And then there was a boisterous applause. Tagle continued, “Every Filipino wants to go with you, not to Rome, but to the peripheries.” And then there was silence. Everyone was like, “Ano raw?! Spell!”

In one of his homilies, the Pope said, "The devil is the father of lies.” He didn’t say though if it’s a congressman, a governor, a senator, a mayor, or a vice president. Basta, mag-ama.

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Imelda
Former First Lady Imelda Marcos made an appearance at the mass officiated by Pope Francis in Tacloban City. Moments later, Pope Francis’s visit to the city was cut short, a papal volunteer died in a freak accident, and a private plane skidded off the runway. Go figure.

The infamous Imelda Marcos told reporters that she, in fact, witnessed the collapse of the scaffolding that killed the papal volunteer. Fortunately, the victim's body was immediately retrieved - unlike the bodies of construction workers at the Manila Film Center.

When sought for comment, Imelda Marcos said, “The message of the Holy Father is about the poor, and I love the poor.” Why wouldn’t she? She helped create them.

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Controversial Executive Sec. Paquito Ochoa and other government officials were in the private plane that skidded off the runway in Tacloban City last Saturday. The accident prompted some people to ask Pope Francis, “Holy Father, can you consider that an answered prayer?”

Red Alert
Cellphone signal was a problem in many areas during the five-day papal visit. Signal jamming was apparently part of security. Telcos received several complaints from cellphone users. Smart described the situation as “horrible.” Globe described it as “an ordinary day.”

Now it can be told. Security was very tight during the papal visit because, radio DZRH learned, there was indeed a threat to disrupt the event. Thankfully, authorities were able to neutralize... Carlos Celdran.

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Hundreds of thousands of people lined the streets of Manila to get a glimpse of Pope Francis. The people were very emotional – although they were less emotional than TV reporters covering the event.

According to MMDA Chair Francis Tolentino, an estimated 6 million people attended the Pope’s final mass in Manila. But another official pegged the figure at 7 million. President Aquino told CNN’s Christiane Amanpour “it was lower than that.”

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Learnings
Filipinos learned a lot from the five-day pastoral visit of Pope Francis. They learned to be more disciplined, patient and forgiving. They also learned how to pronounce “nunciature.”

Every pastoral visit is a huge event in the Philippines, the largest and predominantly Catholic nation in Asia. Religious gatherings like this revive our hope, our faith, and Jamie Rivera’s singing career.

Free Speech
While en route to the Philippines last Thursday, Pope Francis said, “You cannot make fun of the faith of others." The Pope said there’s a limit to free speech – especially if you’re an altar boy who wanted to speak out against the Catholic priest who abused you.

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In Other News…
A day after meeting the Pope in Malacañang, a furious Kris Aquino had an exchange with a follower on Instagram. Apparently, the follower opined that Bimby was probably gay. The presidential sister took offense and accused the follower of bullying her son. We don't know for sure if Bimby's gay or not but as Pope Francis said, who are we to judge?

Gamer
A 32-year-old Taiwanese man died in an Internet cafe in Kaohsiung after playing computer games for three days. So guys, now you know the limit: two days.

After a three-day gaming binge, a 32-year-old man in Taiwan died in an Internet café. Game Over.
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“All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.”
~Cathy Ladman

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Sound Bites
"Today, with so many means of communication we are overloaded with information. Is that bad? No. It is good and can help. But there is a real danger of living in a way that we accumulate information."
~Pope Francis, UST, 1.18.2014

Have a holy week! [Whatever that means!] Peace y’all!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: AFP: Pope Francis; AP/Aaron Favila: Tagle/Pope; NBC News: Imelda; Ernie Peñaredondo/Philstar: Private Plane; Official Gazette: Luneta Crowd; Reuters/Eric De Castro; Kris Aquino Instagram]

professionalheckler | AMpTue,

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Leo Beligan
1/23/2015 7:54:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
OF RABBITS, ROYALS AND THE MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT
by professionalheckler

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POPE FRANCIS was quoted to have said that Roman Catholics should not breed “like rabbits.” The unprecedented statement shocked pro-life advocates and offended Ramon Revilla Sr.

Tito Sotto, a staunch opponent of the Reproductive Health Law refused to believe that Pope Francis uttered those words. Sotto said the Pope could have been “taken out of context” or the statement was just “an invention.” But that’s just Sotto. The only thing we’re sure of right now is that the statement wasn’t plagiarized.

Rabbits?
The DSWD confirmed reports that almost 500 street dwellers were rounded up and brought to Chateau Royale resort in Nasugbu, Batangas last January 14 and brought back to Manila when Pope Francis had already left. Secretary Dinky Soliman said the homeless were brought there for a training. It was a rewarding experience for the street dwellers who learned so much about housing, socializing, and concealing evidence of abject poverty.

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In what critics described was an effort to “whitewash poverty,” some 500 street dwellers in Manila were rounded up on the eve of the papal visit and brought to a resort in Nasugbu, Batangas until Pope Francis had left the country. Or in the words of the DSWD, “coincidence.”

Street dwellers who were interviewed by the Philippine Daily Inquirer said they had nothing to complain about their stay in a Batangas resort during the papal visit. In fact, they appreciated the DSWD’s efforts. They were billeted in spacious rooms, served meals five times a day, attended insightful lectures, and received an ecobagful of goodies. Who are we to judge?

The homeless families are now back in the streets of Manila. They can’t wait for the next papal visit.

Hungry
According to the latest SWS survey, fewer Filipino families experienced hunger. Thanks to the DSWD’s “training” in Batangas.

More Kickbacks?
Former Binay ally and close friend and ex-senior vice president of the Boy Scouts of the Philippines (BSP) Nestor Mercado bared that Vice President Binay, BSP president for 20 years now, got some P200-million in kickbacks in 2010 from the sale of a piece of land owned by the BSP. Mercado said the kickbacks were for Binay’s future presidential campaign. To be fair to Binay, he’s just being a boy scout: Laging handa.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/1pacj.jpgManny and Harry
Accompanied by his wife Jinkee, 8-division world champion Manny Pacquiao finally met with England’s Prince Harry the other day. Over dinner, he said, “Your mom’s very popular. Sad to hear that her marriage to your father did not end well. I’m sorry she’s gone now.” And then Manny replied, “No, she’s still alive!”

Postponed
The Senate Committee on Local Government has approved the proposed postponement of the Sangguniang Kabataan (SK) elections from its original schedule of February 21 to October 2016. When they heard the news, Filipinos were shocked. Meron pa palang SK?!?

Traffic
According to the 2015 Traffic Index, the Philippines is 9th in cities worldwide with the worst traffic condition. That’s just unfair. We should have ranked higher.

Silent Killer
According to a new study, sedentary behavior or sitting will kill us prematurely even if we exercise. So don’t exercise, just sit back and relax. At least, you’ll die doing what you love most.

A study showed that even if we exercise, sitting will kill us prematurely. Congratulations salesladies!

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/miss-u.jpgMiss Universe 2015
The 63rd edition of the Miss Universe pageant concludes Monday morning (Manila time) in Florida. Pre-pageant activities were held last week. In the talent portion, Miss China built an illegal structure on the stage.

The Philippines is being represented by pageant veteran Mary Jean Lastimosa. Friends told MJ to remain positive but not too confident despite being a frontrunner. They advised her to think of Mar Roxas.

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Miss Canada’s national costume depicted the nation’s love for ice hockey. The costume even includes a hockey scoreboard. Next year, Miss Philippines will top that by wearing a pair of boxing gloves and draping herself in a basketball court.

This year, reports say, there will only be one question for the five finalists. I heard it will be a tough one. Something like, “Why does God allow children to suffer from to suffer from prostitution and drug addiction?”
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“A crowded society is a restrictive society; an overcrowded society becomes an authoritarian, repressive and murderous society.”
~Edward Abbey, Postcards from Ed: Dispatches and Salvos from an American Iconoclast

Sound Bites
"Some think, excuse me if I use the word, that in order to be good Catholics, we have to be like rabbits – but no."
~Pope Francis

Good luck Miss Philippines!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.



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apdo
1/27/2015 7:05:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
MISENCOUNTER, MISSED UNIVERSE TITLE, AND OTHER STORIES
by professionalheckler

THE SENATE Blue Ribbon Committee has issued an arrest order for Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin ‘Junjun’ Binay and five other people for their refusal to appear at its subcommittee hearings. Mayor Junjun Binay told his supporters that he’s so ready to be detained. If that happens, he’ll be placed in a small area with some people, and stay there ‘til someone gives the go signal to let him go. Or as some Makati project bidders call it, “our elevator experience.”

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According to Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay he is so “ready to be detained.” But a teary-eyed Nancy Binay couldn’t control her emotions saying Junjun’s children no longer have a mother - and now, they’re losing their father. Secretary Dinky Soliman was so moved she offered to take the children to a resort in Nasugbu, Batangas.

Reacting to the Senate’s arrest order for her brother Junjun, Nancy Binay lamented, “’Yon ang pinakamasakit. Nawalan na nga sila ng ina, parang dalawang beses nilang mararamdaman ‘yong mawalan ng magulang.” To which, taxpayers said, “Kami naman, nawalan ng pera.”

"Misencounter"
Almost 70 members of the PNP Special Action Force were killed in an encounter with MILF and Bangsamoro Islamic Freedom Fighters in Mamasapano, Maguindanao Sunday morning. Reports say some of the bodies were mutilated by the rebels. MILF peace panel chair Mohagher Iqbal said his men acted on “self-defense.” In the MILF dictionary, Self-defense, noun. See massacre.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/1nydn.jpgMiss Universe
The new Miss Universe is Paulina Vega of Colombia. Mary Jean Lastimosa was in the Top 10. Binibining Pilipinas director Stella Marquez de Araneta was very proud of what her candidate has achieved. She was quiet about Miss Philippines though.

The final question for the five finalists was, “What is the greatest contribution of your country to the entire world?” Miss Jamaica answered, Usain Bolt and Bob Marley. Miss Netherlands said, “art and history” while Miss USA mentioned something about “helping” other countries. When asked the same question after the show, Miss China answered, “Everything.”

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Manny Pacquiao was one of the judges in this year's Miss Universe pageant. For the swimsuit, evening gown and Q&A rounds, his scores were 119-108, 118-111 and 120-109 all for Miss Colombia.

When Manny Pacquiao’s name was picked by Miss USA from the bowl, he asked her, “If you were given 30 seconds to deliver a message to global terrorists, what would you say?” Miss USA answered, “a message of hope, love, and peace.” Terrorists who were watching the pageant were further enraged by that cliché of an answer.

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An unconfirmed report said Miss Jamaica, Kaci Fennell has Filipino roots. As soon as they heard this, the Philippine Azkals offered her a slot in the team.

Miss Jamaica has issued a statement saying she’s a full-bloodied Jamaican. She’s not Filipino. Unlike Keith Martin and David Pomeranz.

Death
Australian researchers have developed a “death test” that could predict a person’s chances of dying within the next 30 days. In Metro Manila, we call that “an MRT ride.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/1ig.jpgDown
On Tuesday afternoon, Facebook and Instagram were both down for almost 45 minutes. In that short span of time, companies noted an increase in productivity.

Instagram and Facebook were down for 45 minutes on Tuesday afternoon. Instagram users waited 45 long minutes before they started eating the food on their plate.

For 45 minutes, both Instagram and Facebook were down. Filipino netizens blamed Stella Marquez-Araneta.
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“Nature didn't need an operation to be beautiful. It just was.”
~Scott Westerfeld, The Uglies Trilogy

Sound Bites
“Hindi pwedeng mag-baby do’n. Self-defense ang nangyari.”
~Mohaqer Iqbal, Chairman, MILF Peace Panel

“Naiyak bigla ako. ‘Yon ang pinakamasakit kasi ngayong gabi matutulog ‘yong pamangkin kong hindi kasama ‘yong ama nila. Nawalan na nga sila ng ina, parang dalawang beses nilang mararamdaman yung mawalan ng magulang.”
~Nancy Binay

"All we are saying is give peace a chance."

[Photos: Danny Pata/GMA: Binay; Benjie Castro/GMA: Guingona; New York Daily News: Miss Colombia; Getty Images: Pacquiao and Miss Jamaica]

professionalheckler | PMpTue, 27 Jan 2015 16:42:42 +000042Tuesday 18, 2007 at 7:02 p01 | Tags: face instagram down, junjun binay contempt arrest order, junjun binay vs. senate blue ribbon committee, manny pacquiao miss universe, milf vs pnp special action forces, miss universe mj lastimosa, mohaqer igbal maguindanao self-defense, ms jamaica kaci fennell, nancy binay and junjun binay arrest, political humor, professional heckler, stella marquez araneta evening gown | Categories: Hodgepodge | URL: http://wp.me/p4c4v-4P5


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Leo Beligan
1/30/2015 4:11:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
NO JOKE
by professionalheckler

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/1z.jpg
MALAYSIAN TERRORIST Zulkifli bin Hir alias Marwan was reportedly killed by the PNP-Special Action Force in Mamasapano, Maguindanao. The PNP-SAF cornered him inside a hut. Marwan was so surprised to see the commandos. Do you know what was the last thing going through Marwan’s head that fateful morning? A bullet.

According to MILF leaders, they're not aware of Marwan’s presence in their territory. I have no joke. That IS the joke.

Malaysian terrorist Zulkifli bin Hir alias Marwan is reportedly dead. This must be a hard time for his wife and his four other wives.

Reports say Malaysian terrorist Marwan’s wife Joromee Dongon was the one who told his relatives about his death. According to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Joromee used to be the wife of Abu Sayyaf terror group leader Khadaffy Janjalani who was also killed in 2006. Terrorist suitors are now starting to avoid her.

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No-Show
President Aquino was a no-show at the arrival honors Thursday morning for the policemen killed in Maguindanao. Instead, he attended the inauguration of a car plant in Sta. Rosa City, Laguna. But Malacañang refuses to use the term “skipped” or “snubbed” to describe the President’s absence. Yeah, it’s “priorities.”

The hashtag #NasaanAngPangulo became the No. 1 trending topic on Twitter worldwide last Thursday. Netizens were outraged by President Aquino’s absence at Villamor Airbase. But palace spokesman Herminio Coloma said based on their online monitoring, that was not the sentiment of the majority. Apparently, Coloma’s social media team did their monitoring on Friendster, MySpace, and Multiply.

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On Twitter, Black and White Movement’s Leah Navarro, a staunch Noynoy supporter asked, “So how many of those people who dissed the President’s absence from Villamor were actually there to condole?” Netizens replied, “How many of us were actually Presidents?”

Medalya ng Katapangan
On Friday, President Aquino attended the necrological services for the policemen who were killed in Maguindanao. Family members were each given a medal of valor. The medals were presented for their gallant effort to defend the country. Malacañang has denied rumors that a medal will also be given to Leah Navarro for her gallant effort to defend the President.

The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported that a female relative of one of the slain SAF members seemed to have ignored the President at the necrological services. In his defense, he’s gotten used to being ignored by women.

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Massacre
MILF forces are being blamed for the “massacre” of the 44 elite members of the PNP-Special Action Force in Maguindanao. No matter what their leaders say, MILF rebels have really become unpopular right now. To be fair though, President Aquino is more unpopular.

The nation is in mourning. Forty-four members of the PNP Special Action Force are dead – just like Allan Purisima’s chance at redemption.

Speak Out
Vice President Binay said suspended PNP Chief Alan Purisima must speak out about the ‘misencounter’ in Maguindanao. The Vice President added, “Mahirap kung lagi kang itinuturo. Baka kaya ayaw mong sumagot kasi totoo ang sinasabi nila.” The Vice President’s statement offended Purisima, Purisima’s wife, and Junjun Binay.

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Arrested
Hundreds of Makati City residents gathered in front of Makati City Hall Thursday morning to show their support for embattled mayor, Junjun Binay who was arrested after being cited for contempt by the Senate. A Binay supporter was overheard saying half of Makati residents were there. The other half were doing something else more productive.

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Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay was reportedly brought to the session hall against his will. The younger Binay's allies said his human rights were violated. In a presscon, Junjun complained that he suffered bruises. When the #SAF44 heard this, they died... again. Twice.

CPP
The Communist Party of the Philippines whose armed wing, the New People’s Army has been waging war against the government for over four decades has extended its sympathies to the families of the 44 Special Action Force members who were killed in Maguindanao. Oh, the irony.

Headline of the Weak
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Every truth passes through three stages before it is recognized. In the first, it is ridiculed, in the second it is opposed, in the third it is regarded as self-evident.”
~Arthur Schopenhauer

Sound Bites
“All I ask right now is justice, not only for my husband, who was brutally killed but for everyone who fought and fell.”
~Erica Pabalinas, widow of a slain SAF member

"Is it worth it? One international terrorist, equivalent to 44 SAF troopers? I am sure, if you will ask them, it is worth it. Dahil mas maraming buhay and maisasalba at maililigtas nang nawala si Marwan."
~Chief Supt. Noli Taliño, OIC, PNP-SAF

#TruthFortheFallen44

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: FBI.gov :Marwan; Dennis Sabangan/EPA: Arrival Honors; Leah Navarro's IG, Philippine Star: Binay Headline: GMA News]



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Leo Beligan
2/11/2015 5:32:00 AM
PRESIDENT AQUINO turned 55 on February 8. As he marked his birthday, staunchest critics demanded that he vacate his post. They wanted him to be the #Fallen55.

President Aquino’s closest friends reportedly organized a surprise birthday party for him. Cabinet officials took care of the actual preparations but they got orders from General Purisima.

Rumors have it that the President invited political allies to a birthday dinner. Unfortunately, they didn’t purposely attend ‘coz it’s not on their original schedule.

President Aquino marked two milestones on February 8. He just turned 55. His hair turned 80. Congratulations!

Unconfirmed reports say President Aquino received a new tablet, a new phone, a new pair of shoes, new shirts, new neck ties and new belts from his nieces and nephews. Concerned supporters however, wanted to give him new advisers.

February 8 is President Aquino’s birthday. Also born on February 8 – the Russian inventor of the periodic table of elements, Dmitri Mendeleev. Of course, they’re different. One owed his fame to chemistry, the other owed his fame to genealogy.

The President was born on February 8, 1960. He’s an Aquarian. According to astrologers, Aquarians can sometimes be “insensitive” and “inefficient.” To which, the President said, “Excuse me! I am not insensitive.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/1noy1.jpgPurisima
President Aquino has accepted the resignation of suspended PNP Chief Alan Purisima. In a televised speech, he confessed it was hard for him to let go of a friend like Purisima. Somebody must tell the President that when it comes to easily ‘letting go’ of some friends, it’s best to get some tips from his sister, Kris.

Last Friday, General Purisima granted GMA News an exclusive, live interview. These days, Purisima would rather enter the territory of the BIFF and the MILF than the lair of ABS-CBN News and Current Affairs anchors and commentators.

Resign!
The leftist Makabayan bloc in Congress wants a change in leadership and calls for the immediate resignation of President Aquino. In related news, the Makabayan bloc has denied rumors it will soon change its name to MakaBinay bloc.

Freeze!
The Sandiganbayan has ordered to freeze Bong Revilla’s alleged ill-gotten wealth worth more than 224 million pesos. When sought for comment, Revilla said “I will file an appeal to defrost it.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/1noy2.jpgFake
Investigators in America have discovered that almost 80 percent of the ingredients of popular herbal supplements were fake. And almost 80 percent of supplement users were idiots.

Spanking
Pope Francis was criticized for saying that it’s ok to spank children as long as people do it with dignity. The Pope’s statement brought relief to some Catholic priests who have been spanking altar boys for years.

Pens
The CEO of Microsoft has predicted that in 10 years, the pen will be extinct. And today’s youth were like, “What’s a pen?”

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella has predicted that the pen will be extinct in 10 years. To which the sword replied, “Who’s mightier now?”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/1noy3.jpgOldest Tattoos
Scientists have discovered some of the oldest tattoos ever found on humans on a 5,000-year-old mummy. The mummy which has at least 60 tattoos is believed to be the earliest member of rock group, Kamikazee.
——————————————————————————————————-
“People think it is holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it’s letting go.”
~Anonymous

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/1noy4.jpgSound Bites
“He called me at 11:08 PM. ‘Pag hello ko pa lang, nag-sorry s’ya agad. ‘Sorry Kris sa pinagsasabi ng anak ko, ngayon ko lang nalaman, nahihiya ako sa ‘yo, sa pamilya n’yo.” Dinagdag n’ya na naging mabuti at marespeto kaming mga magkakapatid sa kanya. 5X nyang inulit yung salitang SORRY, sorry talaga.”
~Kris Aquino on Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada whose daughter Jerica (by former actress Laarni Enriquez) called her a bully

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Aquino: Inquirer.Net; Purisima: Rappler.Com; Mummy: Marco Samadelli; Jerica Ejercito: NMFNetwork.TV]

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Leo Beligan
3/3/2015 6:16:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
ADULTERY, PUBLICITY AND OTHER STORIES
by professionalheckler

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A PHOTO OF A DRESS posted online created quite a stir last week. Some say the dress is black and blue while others insist it’s white and gold. The debate only stopped when Jolo Revilla was hospitalized and people started debating whether it was a suicide attempt or an accidental shooting.

The Sandiganbayan allowed Bong Revilla to visit his son Jolo at the Asian Hospital in Muntinlupa. Reports say an emotional Jolo apologized to his father. When you have done something wrong, you usually do that: You say sorry. Unless you’re the President.

Initial reports said the shooting was a suicide attempt. The next day, the Revillas’ lawyer told the press it was an accidental shooting. This unfortunate incident has definitely taught the Revillas some lessons - not just in handling weapons but in handling talent manager Lolit Solis as well.

Lump Sum
Solons have questioned a provision in the proposed Bangsamoro Basic Law that grants the new autonomous region a 27-billion peso annual lump sum. The budget is being compared to PDAF or IRA which has been declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court. Here’s a tip: Compel MILF leaders to drop this demand by telling them it’s pork.

Forget about #TheDress that polarized the entire cyberspace. Here’s a more thought-provoking photo. Can you tell if these men were BIFF or MILF? The answer may surprise you.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/1.jpg

Sick
Former APEC party-list Rep. Edgar Valdez has surrendered to authorities following his indictment in the P10-billion pork barrel scam. But Valdez is not in jail yet. After turning himself in, he asked to be confined at the PNP General Hospital because he’s sick. Or as other corruption suspects would call it, “in keeping with tradition.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/11.jpgTingting vs. Kris
Last February 24, Peping Cojuangco’s wife, Margarita ‘Tingting’ Cojuangco said she’d “leave the country” if her niece, Kris Aquino would win an elective post in Tarlac. When asked if she’s running for governor herself, Tingting was tightlipped. And tight-cheeked.

Tingting Cojuangco clarified that her statement on Kris Aquino was just a “figure of expression.” She was just joking – although when you look at her, it was hard to tell.

Millionaire
Sen. Koko Pimentel is reportedly filing a bill seeking to grant tax exemption for multimillionaire Manny Pacquiao in his upcoming superfight against Floyd Mayweather Jr. Pimentel said the country will generate “unprecedented honor and world recognition” because of the “tremendous publicity” that will mark the run-up to the fight. The only thing more “tremendous” than that is the publicity that Pimentel will generate in filing the bill.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/13.jpgBillionaire
According to Forbes, the number of Filipino billionaires ($) has increased to 11. The worst thing about that is we’re not one of them.

Teen Daddy
According to the latest research, children of teenage dads are likely to have low IQ. On the brighter side, they’ll be great DotA players.

Adultery
Voting 6 to 2, a court in South Korea has ruled that adultery is no longer a crime. The decision was lauded by women’s groups, proponents of individual freedom, and Bong Revilla.

Adulterous
The jealous wife of Vice Mayor Jonah Ungab of Ronda town in Cebu Province is facing frustrated murder charges for attacking her husband’s alleged mistress, 30-year-old lawyer, Jiecel Tiu. Vice Mayor Ungab has made himself scarce after the incident. Rumors say he has flown to South Korea to seek permanent residency.

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Mrs. Pearl Ungab, the 47-year-old wife of a mayor in Cebu is facing frustrated murder charges for attacking her husband's alleged mistress, lawyer Jiecel Tiu (above photo). Mrs. Ungab admitted that she attacked Jiecel with a baseball bat. To which Mrs. Cristina Enrile said, "Thanks for the tip."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“When people kill themselves, they think they're ending the pain, but all they're doing is passing it on to those they will leave behind.”
~Jeannette Walls

Sound Bites
"Papa, I'm sorry."
~Jolo Revilla to Bong Revilla according to lawyer Raymond Fortun

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Tingting Cojuangco: Inquirerdotnet; BIFF Pic: Mark Navales/GMA News; Jiecel Tiu: Henry Sy: GMA News; Christian Maningo/Cebu Daily News]

professionalheckler | AMpWed, 04 Mar 2015 08:52:37 +000052Wednesday 18, 2007 at 7:02 p03 | Tags: bangsamoro basic law lump sum, biff, filipino billionaires forbes, jolo revilla suicide, manny pacquiao tax exemption koko pimentel, political humor, professional heckler, south korea adultery, the dress, tingting cojuangco vs. kris aquino | Categories: Hodgepodge | URL: http://wp.me/p4c4v-4Rs


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Leo Beligan
3/10/2015 6:56:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
by professionalheckler

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IN A PRAYER gathering attended by evangelical church leaders in Malacañang on Monday, President Aquino enumerated sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas’s lapses that resulted in the disastrous Mamasapano mission. But he made no mention of the involvement of then suspended PNP Chief Alan Purisima in the operation. When sought for reaction, evangelical leaders said, “Let he who is without a long-time friend cast the first stone.”

Without mentioning the involvement of his longtime friend, General Alan Purisima, the President pinned the blame solely on sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas whom he accused of turning the Mamasapano operation into a “mission impossible.” Talking about mission impossible, this President will self-destruct in 5 seconds.

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According to the President, the Mamasapano operation became a “mission impossible.” To have an idea of what a “mission impossible” is, you may ask the President’s PR crisis managers.

Sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas was solely blamed for the Mamasapano mission by President Aquino. But relatives of the SAF44 refused to believe the President’s latest tirade against him. In their defense, who does?

For the nth time, President Aquino blamed sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas for the disastrous Mamasapano operation last January. He blamed Napeñas for “fooling” him. He blamed Napeñas for giving him the wrong information. He blamed Napeñas for not coordinating with the AFP. He blamed Napeñas for not deploying more troops. He blamed Napeñas for going “solo.” And he blamed Napeñas for not following orders. This latest tongue-lashing has prompted Napeñas to request for an NSO-authenticated birth certificate to check if his surname was indeed Napeñas and not Arroyo.

Saying he was “fooled” when fed with wrong information, a defiant President Aquino blamed sacked SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas for the Mamasapano mission. Last Monday, he narrated his version of the operation before an audience of evangelical leaders -- who were so impressed they offered him the role of Pontius Pilate in an upcoming senakulo.

Flagdown Rate
The government has ordered taxi operators to implement a 10-peso cut in their flagdown rate starting Monday, March 9. But this early, the LTFRB has been receiving complaints from commuters against cabbies who refused to give them the correct change. Apparently, many cab drivers refused to follow the order. Or as President Aquino would call them, “Napeñas.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/1gn1.jpgMrs. Clooney
The Arroyo camp reported that George Clooney’s wife, lawyer Amal Alamuddin has brought the case of detained former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to the UN Commission on Human Rights. According to GMA’s lawyer Larry Gadon, Mrs. Clooney is convinced that Arroyo is a victim of political persecution. With that, Amal Alamuddin officially replaces Raymond Fortun as this month’s most hated lawyer.

Amal Alamuddin-Clooney was once the lawyer of former Libyan intelligence chief Abdallah Al Senussi who was jailed for his alleged crimes against humanity. To be fair to Mrs. Arroyo, she’s a lesser evil.

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Apple Watch
Apple has released more details about its upcoming smartwatch, the Apple Watch. Depending on the metals used, the Apple Watch will cost from as low as $349 to as high as $17,000. The best feature of the Apple Watch is that every day, it reminds owners to stop wasting their hard-earned money on watches.

Moo-lester
A man in Brgy. Biga 2, Silang, Cavite was arrested for having sex with a pregnant cow. The suspect who was high on drugs refused to own up to his mistake and blamed the cow for giving him wrong information and fooling him into thinking that it was a woman.

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Unconfirmed reports say the 46-year-old suspect in the rape of a cow in Cavite is keen on hiring Bong Revilla’s spokesperson, Raymond Fortun as lawyer. He expects Fortun to tell the media it was just an “accidental rape.”

A drug addict in Silang, Cavite was arrested for having sex with a cow. In his defense, he screwed an animal - while some politicians in Cavite were screwing taxpayers.

Zero
Last Monday, also in Malacañang, President Aquino was asked about his love life. He described it as "below zero" but expressed hope he'd find the one "in God's time." To which God replied, "Mission impossible."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.”
~Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism

Sound Bites
“Maraming wishful thinking si Napeñas compared to reality. Maliwanag sa akin, binola ako. Madaling maipapakita sa lahat ang ebidensiya: cellphone record, witnesses, et cetera. Sinolo ni Napeñas ang misyon, siya ang nagdesisyon. Ang dami niyang desisyon; may times na ang mga desisyon niya palpak.”
~President Aquino, 3.09.2015

“Sino lang naman ba si Napeñas para itong ganito kalaking operasyon ay solohin niya ang desisyon? Ito'y alam ng kanyang superior, although suspendido pero si (Purisima) ang namamahala. The President was also briefed of this mission.”
~Vitaliano Aguirre, counsel for SAF Chief Getulio Napeñas

“This is the latest development in the shrinking of the man from a credible President to a small-minded bureaucrat trying to erase his fingerprints from a disastrous project.”
~Akbayan Rep. Walden Bello who declared Tuesday his withdrawal support for President Aquino

Have a fun week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: President Aquino: Malacañang Photo Bureau; Getulio Napeñas: Inquirerdotnet; Amal Alamuddin: Reuters; Apple.Com; Cow Rape: ABSCBNNews.com]

professionalheckler | AMpWed, 11 Mar 2015 09:41:37 +000041Wednesday 18, 2007 at 7:02 p03 | Tags: amal alamuddin and gloria macapagal-arroyo, apple watch, cow raped in cavite, mamasapano mission impossible, political humor, president aquino vs. getulio napenas, professional heckler, walden bello vs. president aquino | Categories: Hodgepodge | URL: http://wp.me/p4c4v-4RW

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Leo Beligan
3/16/2015 8:16:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
STAY WITH ME
by professionalheckler

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/1pop1.jpg
AS POPE FRANCIS marked the second anniversary of his election as pope last Friday, March 13, he predicted that his papacy would be short: 4-5 years. But his worried supporters say he should finish his term because they do not trust his potential successor: Cardinal Binay.

According to Pope Francis, he doesn’t have any plans of staying in office for life. To which the Binays reacted, “Pwede pala ‘yon?”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/1jun.jpgPreventive Suspension
The Ombudsman has placed under preventive suspension Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay and several other Makati officials. DILG representatives who will serve the suspension order in Makati City Hall have been advised to stay calm, exercise restraint, and use the elevator at their own risk.

DILG representatives who will serve the Ombudsman’s suspension order have been told to coordinate with Makati City officials to avoid a “misencounter.” But when asked if authorities serving the suspension order would be allowed in, Binay spokesman Joey Salgado said, “No.” That’s BBL in effect right now in Makati: Binay Basic Law.

Hundreds of Binay supporters gathered in front of the city hall to show their love and support for their embattled mayor. Reports say the loyalists were given free drinks and free fast food – which explains the rumored change in Binay’s campaign slogan – from “Kay Binay gaganda ang buhay” to “Gusto ko happy meal ka!”

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Binay loyalists remain gathered at the quadrangle of the Makati City Hall. There’s free film showing, free Zumba lessons, and of course, free fast food. The gathering of hundreds of Binay supporters elated the Vice President, his whole family, and the nearest branch of Jollibee.

Some online comments on what’s happening in Makati City are getting personal. Netizens are calling Mayor Junjun Binay names like Kuhol - which I believe is totally unfair. Kuhol is way, way funnier.

Mayor Binay’s spokesman said the gathering of Junjun’s supporters was initiated by local leaders. City councilors coordinated with barangay chairmen who then gave instructions to the barangay kagawads and their constituents resulting in peaceful, orderly activities. That’s what happens, Mr. President when you follow the chain of command.

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Chain of Command
The Board of Inquiry’s Mamasapano report found that President Aquino violated the PNP’s chain of command. But Malacañang said the President could have clarified some points if only the BOI sent an official request. Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda insists, “The chain of command rule applies only within the PNP.” And Justice Sec. Leila De Lima adds President Aquino “is not the Commander in Chief of the PNP” under the 1987 Constitution, which specifically states that, “The President is in fact the Pope. He is infallible.”

Statement Shirts
Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle urges Roman Catholics to wear a ‘Huwag Kang Magnakaw” shirt during the Visita Iglesia this coming Holy Week. Or to be more specific, wear a ‘Huwag Kang Mayor,’ ‘Huwag Kang Senador’ or ‘Huwag Kang Congressman’ shirt.

Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle urges Catholics to wear a ‘Huwag Kang Magnakaw’ shirt this Holy Week. Some politicians took offense and vowed to wear a ‘Huwag Kayong Tumanggap ng Donasyon Mula Sa Amin’ shirt.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/1junjun.jpg

Success!
A team of South African surgeons has performed the first successful penis transplant. When the surgeons were congratulated for the historic penis operation, they said, “Wala ‘yon. Maliit na bagay.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“We have, I fear, confused power with greatness.”
~Stewart Udall

Sound Bites
“We stand firm that these are all part of Operation Nognog and this is just politically motivated. This is about the 2016 elections.”
~Junjun Binay

“The real reason that Mayor Binay refuses to leave his post is because they are still doctoring the documents to hide the money they stole from Makati.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes

Have a great week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.



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Leo Beligan
3/19/2015 5:16:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
THINKING OUT LOUD
by professionalheckler

PRESIDENT AQUINO’s approval and trust ratings dropped to their lowest levels since he assumed office in 2010. His numbers have fallen. Worse, ER Ejercito is making a movie about it.

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According to the latest Pulse Asia survey, President Aquino’s approval and trust ratings plunged to their lowest levels since 2010. Malacañang says the President will not issue a statement until he has read the full report, or at least until he figures out a way to blame this on former SAF chief Getulio Napeñas.

The March 2015 Pulse Asia survey showed President Aquino’s approval and trust ratings plummeted to their lowest levels since he was elected in 2010. The survey has a margin of error of plus or minus Alan Purisima.

Apology
Former president Fidel V. Ramos said President Aquino should “humbly and sincerely” apologize for the disastrous Mamasapano operation. According to Ramos, saying sorry “would probably do 90 percent of the job.” Leave the other 10 percent to Kris Aquino.

Memoir
In his memoir, FVR’s national security adviser Jose Almonte talked about the former president’s problem with a powerful woman named “Baby” – presumably, socialite Baby Arenas who had been romantically linked to Ramos. Reports say former First Lady Amelita ‘Ming’ Ramos referred to Arenas as “that woman.” Eventually though, Ramos was able to fix 90 percent of this problem by humbly and sincerely apologizing to Ming.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/1je.jpgThe Graduate
Detained senator Jinggoy Estrada was allowed to attend the high school graduation rites of his son at OB Montessori last Tuesday. An ecstatic Jinggoy said, “I’m so proud of him finishing school.” Filipino taxpayers added, “It was all worth it naman pala.”

Stressed
DILG Sec. Mar Roxas said UNA officials displayed “high school mentality” when they challenged him to serve the Ombudsman's suspension order on Junjun Binay. The Makati mayor replied, “Roxas should show some maturity” and must not resort to name calling. Junjun added, “Like Roxas, we’re all undergoing a stressful situation but we rise above it.” It pays to have an elevator.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/1nancy.jpg
Ano kaya ang iniisip at gustong sabihin ng babae sa picture?
A: Pagpasensyahan n’yo na lang muna itong spaghetti. Hindi ako nakapag-bake today eh. Try ko bukas.
B: ‘Pansin ko lang, magkakakulay tayo. Hihihi Relate much. Kaya sa 2016, alam n’yo na!
C: Kung ‘yong boss n’yong si Mar Roxas, ginugutom kayo, ibahin n’yo kami. Go! Kain lang nang kain; may parating pang two-piece chicken.
D: May Instagram ba kayo? I-follow n’yo nga ako: @therealnancyb. ‘Tapos, pa-regram na lang ng picture na ito. #gandakohere #blackbeauty #infairnesstome #nofilter

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Ano kaya ang iniisip at gustong sabihin ng dalawang lalaki sa picture?
A: Ako si – please state your name – wait lang. O, kayong mga kasama ni Vice Mayor Kid, smile naman kayo. Obvious na kinakabahan kayo sa ginagawa natin eh.
B: Ako si - Romulo ‘Kid’ Peña Jr. - ay nanunumpang… konting bilis lang Prosecutor, baka abutan tayo ng TRO.
C: Ako si – teka lang, na-distract ako sa cellphone sa harap ko. Ano bang unit ‘yan?
D: Ako si - Romulo ‘Kid’ Peña Jr. – sandali lang Prosecutor, tauhan n'yo ba 'yong naka-shades sa likuran? Masama ang kutob ko d'yan eh. Paalisin n'yo nga muna.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/1jj.jpg
Ano kaya ang iniisip at gustong sabihin ng lalaking nakangiti sa picture?
A: Hihihi Akala nila, makakaisa sila huh! Pa-oath-oath taking pa kayo d’yan. O, gago. Uwiii!
B: Sandali lang po. Wait lang. Lahat mabibigyan. Walang uuwing luhaan. Pila lang po para ‘di magulo.
C: Maraming salamat po sa inyong lahat! Paalala lang po, magtatapos ang bisa ng TRO after 60 days. Isa lang ang ibig sabihin n’yan. After 60 days, kitakits ulit tayong lahat dito! Free Jolllibee ulit! I love you!
D: Kalma lang girls, kalma lang. O, ha! Akala n’yo si Enrique Gil ‘to ‘no? Nagkakamali kayo. Ako nga pala ang lalaking nagpatibok sa puso ni Beyonce… ang nag-iisang Jay-Z na naniniwala sa kasabihang: Nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa taxpayers ang gawa, nasa amin ang biyaya. Jooooooooke! Nagbibiro lang po. Thank you!

New Policy
Facebook has announced that it will now prevent people from promoting hate speech on its site. Facebook will not allow posts that offend, threaten, or insult groups based on race, religion, sexual orientation, disability, nationality, or extreme devotion to KathNiel or Chicser.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/rappler1.jpg
Pia and Noy
Reports say President Aquino is dating newly-crowned Bb. Pilipinas Universe, Pia Wurtzbach. Why not? Pia is well-bred, the President is well-bred. Pia is single, the President is single. Pia is gorgeous, the President is single. Let’s give them a chance.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”
~Mahatma Gandhi

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/rappler.jpgSound Bites
“Saying ‘I’m sorry’ humbly and sincerely would probably do 90 percent of the job. What’s so difficult about that?”
~Former President Fidel V. Ramos to President Aquino

Peace!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.



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Leo Beligan
3/22/2015 10:04:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
WHAT DIRECTION?
by professionalheckler

SPEAKING BEFORE some 2,000 members of the Integrated Bar of the Philippines in Cebu, Vice President Binay presented his plans for his first 100 days in office if he becomes president. In his speech, the Vice President called for “the elimination of graft and corruption.” The statement alarmed his allies, and fueled speculations he’s capable of hurting himself.

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In his speech during the IBP convention in Cebu, Vice President Binay called for “the elimination of graft and corruption.” To those who say that the Vice President has no sense of humor, sorry to disappoint you.

In Cebu City, Vice President Binay detailed his plans for his first 100 days in office as president. Not to be outdone, DILG Sec. Mar Roxas detailed his plans for his first 100 days as a civilian.

Healthy
There was a rumor that President Aquino “collapsed” last Friday evening. According to Pulse Asia, the President’s BP dropped to its lowest level since he was elected president.

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President Aquino has denied that he collapsed last Friday evening. There's no truth to the rumor. Everything is normal: soda binge-drinking, smoking, coughing. Nothing to worry about.

Another rumor said the President collapsed, hit his head on something, and when he regained consciousness, he wanted to say sorry for the Mamasapano debacle. That rumor is so NOT true. It will never happen.

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It was in fact TV5 reporter JV Lim Arcena who first tweeted about the rumor quoting his unidentified "source." Apparently, Arcena was fed wrong or misleading information. Or as the President would say, "Nabola si Arcena."

Makati Standoff
Supporters of Mayor Junjun Binay returned to the Makati City hall quadrangle Sunday following reports that Vice Mayor Kid Peña will attempt to enter the city hall on Monday. It has been an orderly gathering so far. Good day for democracy. And an even better day… for Jollibee. #soldout

Resign
According to a Pulse Asia survey, 29 percent of Filipinos were undecided on whether President Aquino should quit his post or not. As for those who took a stand: 42 percent said the President should NOT resign while 29 percent were militants.

Dissatisfied
A Pulse Asia survey showed 8 in 10 Filipinos were not satisfied with President Aquino's explanation on the Mamasapano encounter. The other two were his spokesmen.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/1kim1.jpgJeane Returns
Pork barrel queen Janet Napoles's controversial daughter Jeane is back in the country. Authorities were ordered to track her movements. Agents have been deployed in Fort Sto. Domingo, the Napoles residence, and all branches of Louis Vuitton, Bvlgari, Hermes, Balenciaga, Gucci and Prada.

PiaNoy
In an Instagram post, Kris Aquino revealed that her brother Noynoy was "kinikilig." She's apparently referring to rumors that the President has been seeing Miss Universe-Philippines Pia Wurtzbach. Critics are not as excited and optimist though. To avoid another heartbreak, they made a checklist for the President: Chocolates, check! Flowers, check! Dinner, check! Reality check.

Twitter’s Birthday
Last Saturday, March 21, Twitter turned 9 years old. To mark this milestone, here are 9 controversial, memorable, fearless, and outrageous tweets from some famous Filipinos:

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Wanted: Pogi
Taong 2010 nang makilala ng publiko ang speechwriter ng Pangulo na si Mai Mislang dahil sa kanyang brutally honest tweets habang nasa state visit sa Vietnam ang presidente. Ano na kayang nangyari sa kanya?
A: Naghahanap pa rin ng poging Vietnamese
B: Short-lived ang kasikatan; nag-flop ang mga sumunod na pelikula
C: Ewan. Mukha ba akong interesado?

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#NasaanAngPangulo...
... ang tanong ng publiko sa kasagsagan ng pananalanta ng Bagyong Sendong sa Visayas? Actress Valerie Concepcion provided the answer. Unwittingly. On Twitter.

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She’s Got Balls
Georgina Wilson’s anti-Erap sentiment in 2009 resurfaced in 2014 – offending Estrada’s son, Jake Ejercito. She apologized for offending the Ejercitos but she refused to delete the tweet. Fierce!

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Mega Meltdown
There was a time in 2012 when Sharon Cuneta would engage her online critics (mostly, Piolo Pascual sympathizers) in a nasty and angry exchange almost everyday of her not-so-busy-then life. She put the 'patol' in patola.

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Ignoramus
A Villafuerte scion couldn’t, or probably refused to understand the outpouring of love for the late DILG Sec. Jesse Robredo. [The Villafuertes and Robredos were political rivals in Bicol.] He has since apologized for his tweets but not after getting pilloried by netizens.

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Korina vs. Maligno
When I tweeted something about Korina Sanchez’s alleged anti-Binay commentary on radio, Nancy Binay replied. We're still trying to get the side of the maligno. Can't wait to see its reaction to the comparison.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/1mq.jpg

Miriam vs. LGBT
Miriam Quiambao got flak for saying that being gay is “a lie from the devil.” Too bad for Miriam, even God wouldn't confirm the veracity of her statement.


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Think before you click.
After a loss, outspoken Don Allado vented his frustrations at the referees by tweeting that games were "fixed" and that it was "a disgrace to be part of the PBA." Allado was banned from playing for one season. Be careful what you wish for indeed!

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Gibberish Jules
In case you didn’t know, Congress’s top absentee Jules Ledesma used to post “WTF was that” tweets such as this one. I wonder if he still does. Ambot!

Happy Birthday Twitter!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Pride is the mother of arrogance.”
~ Toba Beta, My Ancestor Was an Ancient Astronaut

Sound Bites
“For the first time, I was happy that my hair is short because it will show if I have stitches. I tried to feel my head, there’s no bump,”
~President Aquino on rumors he collapsed last week

Have a hassle-free week ahead!

I am on


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Leo Beligan
3/31/2015 7:20:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
CRUCIFIED
by professionalheckler

CHRISTIANS are observing the annual Holy Week tradition. It’s that week of pain, penance, and suffering. Or as Metro Manila motorists would say, “everyday.”

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We all know what happened ‘that week.’ It all began at the time of the festival of Passover. Jesus arrived in Jerusalem on a donkey instead of a car because of the LTO’s “no registration, no travel policy.”

According to the Gospels, Jesus was arrested after the Last Supper. No fanfare, no media coverage, and no petition filed for hospital arrest.

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Roman officers with swords and shields made the arrest after the Last Supper. Reliable sources revealed President Aquino was already in the area for the expected turnover.

One of his disciples, Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. But karma caught up with Judas. Just a few days after getting his reward, he was slapped with tax evasion charges by Kim Henares.

There were some tense moments when the Romans sent by the high priests arrived to make the arrest. Some disciples tried to intervene. This could have been avoided if there was proper coordination before they launched the operation.

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The Gospel of John tells us that when Jesus is being arrested, one of his disciples takes a sword and cuts off the ear of a hight priest’s servant. The ear would never be seen again as it was sent to the US for DNA testing.

Another disciple, Peter had his share of controversy. When Jesus was arrested, he followed the arresting officers. But a woman recognized him and said, “You’re friends with him!” Peter denied Jesus thrice until the woman showed a piece of evidence: a photo showing Jesus partying with his disciples including Peter, and news anchor Vicky Morales.

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Jesus is then tried and condemned by the Sanhedrin. He was sentenced to death by crucifixion. On Golgotha, he was crucified between two actor-politicians.

There you have it. My crucifixion joke. I hope I nailed it.

Lenten Message
Malacañang released President Aquino’s recorded Lenten message the other day. According to Rappler, the gist of the President’s message was “others before self.” Incidentally, the title of the Lenten message was, “When things go bad, who should be blamed?”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/1gf.jpgLee Kuan Yew
Vice President Binay said Lee Kuan Yew, the highly-respected founder of Singapore, was his “inspiration in rebuilding Makati.” When Lee Kuan Yew heard this, he slapped an angel.

Epalitician
The valedictorian of a public school in Malabon received a medal with an image of their congresswoman. The medal was 1 percent gold and 99 percent campaign paraphernalia.
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“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart.”
~Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment

Sound Bites
“Lee Kuan Yew made Singapore immensely rich, while Makati made Mr. Binay immensely rich. That’s the difference.”
~Prof. Solita Collas-Monsod

Have a safe and fun holiday break!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.



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Leo Beligan
4/13/2015 8:38:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
2016, HILLARY, MILK TEA AND OTHER STORIES
by professionalheckler

HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON has officially announced that she would seek the US presidency in 2016. When asked if her announcement was made too early, Clinton replied, “It’s actually too late - by Binay’s standards.”

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Former first lady and secretary of state Hillary Clinton has declared her intention to run for president in 2016. With her announcement, Hillary expects critics to pounce on her. But she’s unafraid saying she doesn’t own an hacienda and she didn’t benefit from an overpriced building anyway.

In announcing her bid for the US presidency, former first lady and secretary of state Hillary Clinton said, “Everyday, Americans need a champion. I want to be that champion.” To which Filipinos replied, “Don’t give Manny Pacquiao the idea. Please.”

In 2012, former first lady and secretary of state Hillary Clinton said she wouldn't run for president of the United States again. On Monday, she declared her bid for the presidency. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is suing her for copyright infringement.

All-time Low
Vice President Binay’s net satisfaction rating dropped to an all-time low according to the latest SWS survey. From +44 in December, it’s down to +31 in March. Since last year, his numbers have been declining. Even the Court of Appeals was like, “Can’t help you with that. Sorry.”

Quitting?
Online reports say DILG Secretary Mar Roxas is quitting his post this coming June. He didn’t elaborate on the matter but he told the media, “Everyday, Filipinos need a champion. I want to be that champion.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/1clinton1.jpgSpecial Offer
Vice President Binay wanted DILG Sec. Mar Roxas to be his running mate in 2016. Apparently, Binay follows the dictum, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

Advice
Reports say President Aquino has advised Sec. Mar Roxas to do something to improve his ratings in the presidential surveys. So this morning, Roxas petitioned the court to allow him to use the surname ‘Binay.’

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/1clinton3.jpgSecond Chance
Aldrin Jeff Cudia, the controversial cadet who was dismissed from the PMA last year has passed the entrance exam at the UP College of Law. If you would recall, the PMA kicked Cudia out “for lying.” Now, he wants to be a lawyer. He’s on the right track. Congratulations!

Delfin Lee
In a letter sent to the Senate, detained real estate developer Delfin Lee of Globe Asiatique accused Vice President Binay of extortion. Lee, who is furious at Binay, is facing charges of syndicated estafa, a non-bailable offense. When asked if he believed in the adage, “Galit ang magnanakaw sa kapwa magnanakaw,” Lee replied, “Correction please! I am not galit!”

Murder
The Volunteers Against Crime and Corruption or VACC is studying the possibility of filing murder charges against former PNP Chief Alan Purisima, former SAF chief Getulio Napeñas Jr. and President Aquino. The VACC is demanding justice, accountability, and publicity.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/1clinton4.jpg‘Milk Tea’ Tragedy
Based on the initial tests conducted by the Food and Drug Administration, no toxic substance was found in the milk tea sample that killed two persons in Sampaloc, Manila last Friday. The tea house has been ordered closed but the son of the owner insists their products are safe to consume. To prove his claim, he’s willing to send unlimited free samples to the Senate and Congress.
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“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”
~Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Sound Bites
"Eh ano ba naman ‘yong magkapatawaran do’n sa ginawa para lang sa taong-bayan, para at sa ikabubuti ng bayan natin."
~Makati Mayor Junjun Binay on his father’s offer to Mar Roxas to be his running mate

“Whatever happens, I will never tread the crooked path. I will only follow the straight path.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas

Have a great week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.


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apdo
4/17/2015 10:24:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
GUILTY!
by professionalheckler

ALLEGED PORK BARREL scam queen Janet Lim-Napoles was sentenced to a life in prison after being found guilty of serious illegal detention. Rumors say some Court of Appeals justices can’t wait for her appeal.

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Janet Lim-Napoles has been transferred to the Correctional Institution for Women in Mandaluyong City to begin serving her prison term. The Correctional’s set of visitation rules is not that strict. She is allowed to see at least 10 lawmakers per day.

Suspected pork barrel scam mastermind Janet Lim-Napoles showed no reaction when the guilty verdict was read. She is unfazed by the life sentence, insisting that she has a “clear conscience.” Some former employees were baffled. She has a conscience?

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/untitled4.pngStriking Distance
The latest SWS survey is out. Vice President Binay got 36 percent while Sen. Grace Poe got 31 percent. That’s a 10-percentage point improvement for the senator from the December 2014 survey. She has definitely inched closer to Binay. Observers believe Grace is doing a good job. But Trillanes is doing it better.

Victim?
Vice President Binay said there should be a law against “bullying public officials.” It will be called “An Act To Prevent Ordinary People From Bullying Those Who Most Certainly Deserve It.”

Childish?
President Aquino was interviewed this week by Agence France Presse in Malacañang. When asked to reflect on the Marcos dictatorship, he said, “It doesn’t mean I don’t have emotions (but) I cannot act like I am a hot-headed 16-year-old.” What a mature answer from someone who, in recent years, has acted like a hot-headed 7-year-old.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/untitled3.pngIn Memoriam
The MILF’s breakaway group, the BIFF – which has been attacking military installations in Mindanao and killing government soldiers, is mourning the death of their leader identified as Ustadz Ameril Umbra Kato. If that’s even his freakin’ real name.

BIFF founding leader Ustadz Ameril Umbra Kato is dead. The military was able to confirm his death when his three wives updated their Facebook status to Single.

Guilty
In a TV interview, Batangas Governor Vilma Santos revealed that her husband, Sen. Ralph Recto cheated on her - once. Either that or she didn’t know how to count.

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Vilma Santos said it was an emotional moment when she confronted Ralph Recto about his other woman. Initially, Ralph was like, “Wala akong ginagawang masama.” To which, Ate Vi replied, “Akala mo lang wala - pero meron! Meron!”

Batangas Governor Vilma Santos told Mareng Winnie Monsod [on the TV show “Bawal Ang Pasaway”] that Sen. Ralph Recto had an affair with another woman. The actress-politician told Mareng Winnie that she has since forgiven the senator. In fact, during that emotional confession, she warned, “Next time, be careful.’” To his credit, Ralph has been successful so far.

To those who are too young to remember: Vilma Santos was already 31 years old when she started dating Ralph Recto who was only 21. Vilma was still using her other screen name then: Demi Moore.

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Advice
In a speech before the students and teachers of Tarlac National High School Friday, President Aquino said, “Tapusin muna ang mga takdang-aralin bago ang raid sa Clash of Clans.” He was referring to a popular computer game. The title of his speech was “Look Who’s Talking.”

Billy Joel
Sixty five-year-old singer Billy Joel is having a baby. There’s still hope, President Aquino. There’s still hope.
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“Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.”
~Maureen Johnson, Girl at Sea

Sound Bites
“Kung merong batas laban sa mga bully sa eskwelahan, dapat din ho sana magkaroon ng batas na 'yung mga bullying public officials.”
~Vice President Binay

"I cannot forgive. ‘Wag na siyang mag-apologize, because at this point, it's not going to help lessen the hate. Hindi kami vindictive, pero hindi rin kami madaling magpatawad.”
~Makati Rep. Abigail Binay on Sen. Antonio Trillanes’s exposés

Have a fun weekend!



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Leo Beligan
4/21/2015 6:07:00 PM
New post on The Professional Heckler
https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
IT’S GETTING HOT IN HERE
by professionalheckler

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/1gw.jpg
ACCORDING TO THE National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, the first three months of 2015 set new global heat records. It's so hot these days… Chinese ships in Panatag Shoal thought they're doing Filipino fishermen a favor by firing water cannons at their vessels.

Guilty!
Oriental Mindoro’s current governor Alfonso Umali and former governor Rodolfo Valencia have been both found guilty of graft and corruption and were sentenced to prison terms of up to 10 years as well as perpetual disqualification from public office. The court has yet to decide though on a motion seeking to punish Mindoreño voters for making stupid choices.

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Alfonso Umali, the incumbent governor of Oriental Mindoro and concurrent treasurer of the ruling Liberal Party has been found guilty of graft and corruption – prompting President Aquino to order an audit of the party’s finances.

Accounts Closed
The Sandiganbayan confirmed that Bong Revilla and Lani Mercado closed five bank accounts when news of the pork barrel scam came out. But Raymond Fortun insists… that's "accidental."

Running
Senate President Franklin Drilon revealed that DILG Sec. Mar Roxas is interested in the presidency. The ‘presidency’ however has refused to say if the feeling is mutual.

According to Senator Drilon, the Liberal Party is exerting extra effort to help presumptive LP candidate Mar Roxas improve his poor survey ratings. Some party stalwarts are not sure though if Mar is okay with some of their suggestions like getting a tan and joining the Boy Scouts of the Philippines or the Alpha Phi Omega Fraternity.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/1mw.jpgThe Promise
Some informal settlers from Makati City who were relocated to the Makati Homeville resettlement area in Calauan, Laguna are complaining. They say the site lacks decent housing units as well as electricity and water supply. But a Makati City executive clarified that the city government promised a relocation site only – not housing units. Or as Sen. Nancy Binay put it, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”

Erap’s Birthday
Last April 19, former president and Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada celebrated his 78th birthday. What a life. He was mayor of San Juan for 16 years, senator for 5 years, vice president for 6, and president for 2 ½ years. His biggest achievement however was making Manila voters believe that he’s actually from Manila.

Revised!
Rappler recently discovered that Sen. Bongbong Marcos “made false claims about his undergraduate and graduate degrees” on the resumé uploaded on his official Senate website. When his late father, Ferdinand Marcos heard this, he said, “Anak nga kita.”

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/1mw1.jpg
Sen. Bongbong Marcos has apparently revised his online resumé in which he - as Rappler discovered, “made false claims about his undergraduate and graduate degrees.” Last month, visitors of the Senate website started to question the veracity of his resumé entries when they noticed that under the heading ‘Siblings’ - Marcos allegedly wrote, “Grace Poe.”

Supercentenarian
Here’s a shocking report: Researchers say humankind’s first 1000-year-old is likely alive already. Even more shocking, that person is already facing a plunder charge.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/index.jpgQuorum
At least a dozen Filipino lawmakers are watching Manny Pacquiao’s megabuck fight in Las Vegas, Nevada. The MGM Grand has in fact reserved a row for Pacquiao’s colleagues. It’s easy to spot the solons inside the arena because their seats have been marked with the words: “There goes your money Filipinos.”
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“With lies you may get ahead in the world — but you can never go back.”
~Russian proverb

Sound Bites
“Doon sa dayalogo bago po sila inilipat, klaro po na ang ikinomit ng Makati ay libreng lupa. It was supposed to be their responsibility to put up their houses.”
~Ryan Barcelo, OIC, DSWD-Makati City

“Si Mar po ang aming kandidato sa Partido Liberal, wala pong alternative.”
~Sen. Franklin Drilon

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.



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Leo Beligan
4/24/2015 10:10:00 PM
EXCLUSIVE! KRISSY AND SHAWEE (NAKAKALOKA!)
25
04
2015

“HELLLLLOOOO! Nakakaloka! At inulit ko raw talaga ang word na nasa title. Aha-ha-ha! Kasi naman, naloka talaga ako sa mga ganap kahapon. Ganito ‘yon. Na-extend nang bonggang-bongga ang tulog ko. Then, paggising ko ng 1 pm, hilo-hilo pa ako, akala ko Sunday na kaya nagmadali akong pumunta sa ABS for ‘The Buzz.’ Pagdating ko doon, pak! Ako lang ang tao sa studio. MUKHA AKONG TANGA! Aha-ha-ha! At heto pa: late ko na ring na-realize na wala na nga pala kaming show! Aha-ha-ha. Nakakaloka!

Anyway, paglabas ko ng studio, hulaan n’yo kung sinong nakasalubong ko! My gosh! Of all people, siya pa! God, why me?! Aha-ha-ha! Sige na nga, sasabihin ko na kung sino s’ya! Si Mega! Nakakaloka. Napahinto talaga ako. Eh kasi nga ‘di ba?! May mga naging isyu kami before. So nang mabunggo niya ako… wait! In fairness to me huh, kahit naka-heels ako… ‘di ako tumilapon. Aha-ha-ha I’m so mean!!! But swear, it was an awkward moment. Hindi ko alam kung paplastikin ko siya o ako ba ang paplastikin niya. Either way, deserved lang namin both. Aha-ha-ha At dahil ayaw ko namang masabihang suplada… ako na ang unang bumati. Todo-sigaw pa ako huh! In fairness.

Darlaaaaaaaa!

— Heyyyyyyy, hello Krissy!!!

*Beso-beso*

My gosh. MEGA???? Sorry. I thought si Darla ka. My fault. Welcome baaaaaack! We’ve missed youuuuuu! Promiiiiiiiiiise.
— Bahahahahaha

Kumusta naman ang show mo? I mean, show ni Billy?
— Bahahahahaha

Hay naku Shawee, tawa ka lang nang tawa. Kaloka ka.
— Krissy, sorry huh! Pero, bahahahahaha. Hindi ko kasi inexpect na bahahahahaha

SHAWEE! Ano ba?! Tatawa ka na lang ba?
— Fine! ‘To naman! Happy lang ako kasi I am back. Bahahahahaha Glad to see you again Krissy. How’s ‘The Buzz?’

Wala na nga ‘di ba? Natakot yata kay Willie kaya nagpahinga muna.
— So pa’no na ‘yan? Sa’n ka na magda-drama? Bahahahahaha

Excuse me! I have two other shows pa. Ang dapat na tanong mo: ‘pag nawala ang show ni Billy, saan ka na tatawa? Aha-ha-ha!
— Funny ka talaga Krissy bahahahahaha

NO! I’m not kidding. Serious ako. May shows ka pa ba???
— I think I have to go.

Joooke! Aha-ha-ha Ano ka ba naman Mega? Joke lang ‘yon, hellllo!
— Bahahahahaha

Ganito na lang. Para ‘di sayang ang pagpunta ko rito, tara! Kwentuhan na lang tayo para may extra episode kami ni Boy for A&A!


Two weeks ago, naloka tayong lahat nang umamin si Sen. Ralph Recto that he had an affair with another woman. Bongga! Ikaw Shawee, what if one day umamin din si Senator Kiko?
— Bahahahahaha You know what Krissy, si Kiko kasi Bahahahahaha

Gosh! Stop laughing nga muna Shawee. OA na.
— Ok. Alam mo Krissy, may tiwala ako kay Kiko. He’ll never do that. I know my husband very well.

Ganyan din ang sinabi ko noon about James. Promise.
— Iba naman ang ex mo Krissy. At iba ako bilang asawa. Magkaibang-magkaiba tayo!

And what exactly do you mean by that?
— Wala naman. Bahahahahaha Basta ako, maasikaso ako kay Kiko. Lagi ako sa kusina.

Mukha nga.
— And what exactly do you mean by that?

Wala naman. Aha-ha-ha! Moving on, napag-uusapan na namin ito ni Boy. Are you running for public office next year? Sa Pasay ba?
— No, Krissy! I guess politics is not really for me. I’ll support na lang Kiko if ever na tumakbo siya for a Senate seat again.

But why?!? Sayang naman ang pagkakataon. ‘Di ba sabi nila, kapag medyo down ang career mo sa showbiz, try mo naman ang politics.


‘Di ba?!?


Hindi ka sumasagot!!! Sandali, did I offend you? My gosh Shawee, ang tagal na natin sa showbiz para magkapikunan pa tayo. Hayyy. Ni-raise ko lang naman ang possibility na mag-run ka next year. I didn’t mean to
— Mas importante sa akin ang suporta ko sa asawa ko. Again, asawa. Kung ‘di mo narinig, ASAWA. Kung ‘di ka maka-relate, I’m sorry.

NAKAKALOKA KA!!! Awayin ba ‘ko?
— You were never James Yap’s partner. You’re just his wife!

Aha-ha-ha! Hindi talaga kita kinakaya!!! Hellllllo! Chill. ‘Di natin kailangang mag-away ‘no! Basta ang importante you’re back as a Kapamilya. Teka, kanina ka pa ‘di tumatawa huh. Are you ok?
— Bahahahahaha I’m fine.

There! Aha-ha-ha Maglaro na nga lang tayo. Remember when we used to be close friends?
— When?

Basta! We used to play this game called This or That. Laruin nga ulit natin. Game?
— Game!


Lights on or Lights off?
— These days? Gusto ni Kiko, lights off. Bahahahaha

Feeling ko para ‘di niya makita ang iyong taba.


Sorry!!!!!! Nadulas lang. I’m just kidding. Ako, lights on. Kasi takot si Bimbz sa dark. Binay or Poe?
— Poe. My kinakapatid. You?

Binay! May hacienda!
— Akala ko ba takot si Bimbz sa dark?

Chowking or McDonald’s? Ako, Chowking! Ikaw, alam ko.
— Both? Bahahahahaha

I knew it! Basta food. Aha-ha-ha Mar or Binay?
— Nakaka-relate ako kay Mar. Lumaki sa sarap… mayaman. Ikaw?

Binay pa rin! Lumaki sa hirap… nagpayaman! I mean, yumaman. Sorry Tito Jojo. Aha-ha-ha Last na ‘to: Sharon Cuneta or Lea Salonga?
— Bahahahahaha! Ang OA naman ng tanong na ‘yan. Sobrang OA.

At least sa ‘yo na nanggaling! Aha-ha-ha Shawee, medyo matagal nang isyu ‘yong pagrereklamo raw ng ilang nanood ng concert ng One Direction dahil nagpayong ka sa MOA Grounds. Natakpan tuloy ang view ng mga nasa likod. Linawin mo nga ‘to.
— Lay off my umbrella! Lay off my umbrella! They purposely did that because I am Sharon Cuneta! What the heyyy! Next time, watch a Lea Salonga concert, watch a Lea Salonga concert!!!!!!! Or better yet, Blakdyak!

Gaya-gaya ka naman eh. Linya ‘yan ni Doris Bigornia ‘di ba? Ano ‘to dubsmash?
— Hindi. Your Reporter Sounds Familiar Bahahahahaha


Mabuti pa… since you’re not that busy naman, mag-guest ka sa Krissy TV. You’ll love it there.
— I know. Bahahahaha ‘Pag pinapanood ko nga si Darla, inggit talaga ako.

O, Darla… narinig mo ‘yon? Matakot ka na girl. May iba na akong tagatikim ng food. Aha-ha-ha
— Seryoso ba ‘yan?

Why not? We’re friends naman, ‘di ba?
— Thank you Krissy. Tama talaga ang desisyon kong bumalik dito.

Joooke! I’m just kidding! We’re ok. But we’re not really friends-friends like “Boy and Kris” friends. ‘Tsaka ‘di pwedeng mawala si Darla sa show ‘no!
— I think I have to go na.

Wait, you have to promote Billy’s show muna! Go! Promote na.


Ayaw mo? Fine. Sige, laugh ka na lang.
— Tse! Bahahahahaha

–End of Conversation–
——————————————————————————————————————————–
“The image is one thing and the human being is another. It’s very hard to live up to an image, put it that way.”
~Elvis Presley

A Must-Read
The story of Mary Jane Veloso, in her own words
In a narrative, Mary Jane Veloso herself tells the story of how she was framed and duped into unknowingly acting as a drug mule

Sound Bites
“There’s a strong push for the promotion of their men to very powerful positions here at the Customs. When these things happen, I become suspicious of their motive. I promised that there would be no politics or/and patronage system in the appointments in the customs bureau. I took that commitment seriously.”
~Resigned Customs Commissioner John Sevilla

Have a fine weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
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lintik
5/4/2015 8:51:00 AM
New post on The Professional Heckler
https://professionalheckler.wordpress.com/author/professionalheckler/
UNANIMOUS
by professionalheckler

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/1pac.jpg
THE FIGHT OF THE CENTURY finally happened Sunday in Las Vegas, Nevada. Boxing aficionados say the fight didn't live up to the hype. It lasted 12 full rounds but there were no knockdowns. Floyd Mayweather Jr. was the clear winner. The viewers were the clear loser.

Underwhelming
Critics say Manny Pacquiao’s performance against Floyd Mayweather Jr. was disappointing. Although to be fair, his performance in Congress is much worse.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/1pacmay-reuters3.jpg
Statistics
According to Compubox, Floyd Mayweather Jr. outpunched and outlanded Manny Pacquiao in their 12-round fight. The undefeated American clearly outclassed the Filipino champion. Analysts say Mayweather schooled Pacquiao on defense, timely counter-punching, waltz, foxtrot, and samba.

Floyd’s Style
Floyd Mayweather Jr. disappointed a lot of boxing fans with his style. The multimillionaire was avoiding the attacks and was too defensive. Mayweather is the Binay of the boxing world.

Slammed
Boxing fans slammed Floyd Mayweather Jr’s strategy. He won anyway. After the fight, Mayweather immediately received 100 million dollars, and 100 million loud boos.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/1crowdpdi.jpgBoring
Viewers called the “Fight of the Century” boring. Both fighters were barely hurt although Mayweather sustained bruises in his reputation.

Unfair
Heartbroken Filipinos refused to accept the result of the fight calling the judges’ unanimous decision “luto” (fixed) and Mayweather, “madaya.” The reaction was a ‘dryrun’ for next year’s election.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/1pacmay.jpg
Richest
The fight between Pacquiao and Mayweather for the unified welterweight title is believed to be the richest in history. In close second, the fight for Makati City Hall.

Focus
The Fight of the Century is over. If Manny Pacquiao retires from boxing, he’ll shift his focus to another pastime - lawmaking.

Running
Manny Pacquiao will definitely run in 2016. He should get some tips from Floyd Mayweather Jr.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/1pacmay-reuters.jpg

Public Viewing
Several local government officials sponsored a public viewing of the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight last Sunday. It was live and it was free. So thank you Governor, thank you Mayor, thank you Kagawad, and most of all, thank you 2016!

Proud Still
The Armed Forces of the Philippines is still proud of reserve Army Lt. Col. Manny Pacquiao. The AFP saw the fight and Chief of Staff Gen. Gregorio Pio Catapang called it “unfair.” Catapang said the military wanted to help Pacquiao but the fight was allegedly kept secret from the AFP.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/1pacmay-reuters1.jpgMommy D
Minutes before Sunday’s main event, Mommy Dionisia was flashed on the screen only once - and wasn’t available for interview immediately after the fight. Rumors say Mommy D will break her silence in a press conference being organized by Migrante.

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/1pacmay-reuters2.jpg
Chill
When a relaxed Manny Pacquiao entered the arena smiling, the crowd erupted in cheers. The energetic Pacquiao had the fans on their feet. Seated Mayweather supporters wanted to complain but backed off when they saw Doris Bigornia.

Vagina
Socialite Raymond Gutierrez drew flak from netizens for posting what was perceived to be a 'sexist' tweet. While watching the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight, Gutierrez tweeted, “Mayweather clearly has a vagina.” Netiz